


Dark Ocean

by Greatescape55555



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Emotions, F/F, Forbidden Love, Juliantina, Love at First Sight, Mind Control, Romance, Sirens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2019-11-21 16:55:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 68,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18144896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greatescape55555/pseuds/Greatescape55555
Summary: Do you know what it’s like, when a good friend only has to say “hi” on the phone, and you know immediately that something’s wrong? Do you know the feeling of being manipulated, the feeling that you’re picking up two sets of signals, when the words say one thing and the voice says something else? Our conscious mind reacts to words, but our emotions react to the voice. The voice is a powerful tool for those who understand how to use it deliberately.OrJuliana and Valentina come from two different worlds. Will they find a way to be together?





	1. Chapter 1

Do you know what it’s like, when a good friend only has to say “hi” on the phone, and you know immediately that something’s wrong? Do you know the feeling of being manipulated, the feeling that you’re picking up two sets of signals, when the words say one thing and the voice says something else? Our conscious mind reacts to words, but our emotions react to the voice. The voice is a powerful tool for those who understand how to use it deliberately. 

***

Prologue

Legends. We’ve all heard them. Usually, they happened to a friend of a friend’s third cousin, and in almost every case they’re completely untrue. Still, some urban legends, have managed to gain a remarkable amount of credibility. 

Seaside, a sleepy city on the west coast of Mexico, has one of its own. In the early 1800s, travelers reported hearing beautiful, ghostly singing emanating from the beach. A legend grew up that this was the place where mermaids would gather under a full moon, keening their siren song in a lovely, mesmerizing language no human ear could comprehend. 

Over the years, more and more people claimed to have heard the song, but no man has ever seen a shred of physical evidence that they really exist. Stories about these creatures have been passed down to children in many generations.

Valentina’s mother always believed there was much, much more to the story than anyone knew. She was a marine biologist, and studied life in the sea. She never truly believed there were mermaids, but she did believe in the existence of extraordinary creatures totally unknown to man. Valentina can still hear her say, “In the ocean many things are hidden.” 

Her mother told her the basics. “Sirens” might not have tails like mermaids, but they’re still linked to the ocean. They are dangerous creatures who lure nearby sailors with their enchanting music, and somehow only affect male humans. They are beautiful women whose bodies, not only their voices, are seductive. They have the power to enchant men and once they are under their spell, a siren can order them to do anything. Their powers are stronger when closer to the ocean. They live for a long time, longer than humans. 

Valentina had always been intrigued by her mother’s stories about this specific topic, intrigued by the possibility of their existence. She pictured their angelic faces, far too beautiful to be real. Mostly, though, she pictured what it would be like to have the ability to control people. What could she make them do? What would she make them do?

Ever since her mother passed away, Valentina’s desire for control intensified. She felt lost and alone, drowning her misery in alcohol. She longed to have some degree of control over her life. Each day without her mother passed so agonizing slowly, and she just couldn’t cope. She felt that life was meaningless. Food lost taste. Smiles were forced. She grew paler and thinner, and she was always cold, like permanent winter had settled into her bones. 

She dreamed about her mother every night, for the last six months. She would see her face. Feel her skin that was warm again, that had blood running underneath. Hear her breathing. And then she would wake up and the loneliness would be unbearable. The sense of loss was always with her. Valentina struggled through life, no longer feeling like she had a purpose. 

She couldn’t find peace in her home, couldn’t find comfort with her family or friends. They all seemed to have found some degree of closure and were ready to move on with their lives. But she wasn’t ready to move on, much to her boyfriend’s chagrin. Lucho never suffered a similar loss, so while he initially tried to offer comfort, he couldn’t really understand the depth of her pain. He stopped trying after a while, and they sort of ignored each other for a weeks. Valentina couldn’t bring herself to care. Her feelings for him were long gone. She wondered if she had ever truly loved him. 

***

Chapter 1

The night is dark, the only light comes from the moon and its pale reflection on the surface of the ocean. The sound of the waves lapping at the shore and the smell of the sea seep into her like a soothing balm. Valentina bends, in her walking, barely slowing down, to take off her shoes. A long content sigh escapes her the moment her bare feet touch the sand. A strong gust of wind lifts her hair from her shoulders, sending a shudder down the length of her spine. 

She has to fight the urge to run, growing ever stronger by the second. Once again, the ocean seems to call out to her with a sense of urgency, and its pull is almost magnetic. She steps on something sharp and curses under her breath, yet her steps never slow. 

She’s relieved when she finally reaches the water. A wave rolls in, churning in lace-froth eddies around her ankles. The sand drags away beneath her feet, as it always does. And she thinks, as she has so often lately, that she wishes she could go back six months. She desperately wants to see her mother’s face one more time, one more time that she can remember and treasure. She feels like a lost little girl who wants to throw her arms around her mother’s waist and never let go. To look into her ocean blue eyes, and tell her that she loves her more than anything in this world. 

She closes her eyes and takes a long, shuddering breath. Instinctively, she grabs the flask out of her pocket, and takes a long swig. The alcohol burns its way down her throat and she takes another large swig. Mezcal and whiskey are her two best friends. How pathetic is that, she thinks with a wry smile. 

She puts the flask back into her pocket and feels slightly lightheaded. She quickly peels off her jacket and steps into the waves. It feels like cool silk brushing her skin, soaking her clothes. She places her palms on the surface and breathes deeply.

“I’m here.” 

The answering voice seems to come from everywhere, rising up from the depths of the water, ringing out from inside her own head. She doesn’t look around, not anymore; after so many trips to the water’s edge, she knows that no one can hear it but her. 

There are shadows in the water. She reaches for them as they reach for her, walking out against the rising tide. Her eyes close as the waves break against her thighs, as she breathes in deeply, as she bends her knees and sinks down deeper, as she feels the lick of water beneath her chin. 

She lowers herself further and further into the water until her head finally sinks below the surface and all her pain and tiredness begin to fade. She holds her breath for as long as she can, focusing on nothing but the need to breathe and her will not to give in. After a long moment, she lets herself breathe again, gasping gulps of air. 

Slowly, she raises her face to the dark sky and spreads her arms wide. She lifts her legs and lets her body float, just like her mother had taught her. With the water covering her ears, all she can hear is her own breathing. The swell of each wave lifts her, then gently lowers her again. It feels comforting and weightless, the water surrounding her like an embrace. 

She closes her eyes and allows herself to drift off into a world halfway between sleep and wakefulness. These days, she isn’t afraid of much. After what she’s been through, there are a very few things that could throw her, and drowning isn’t one of them. 

She loses track of time and where she is, her body and mind finally free from pain and suffering. It isn’t until she feels a feather light touch against her cheek that she opens her eyes. She shudders and runs a hand though her soaked hair, her eyes scanning around. 

Her feet are unable to feel the bottom of the ocean and for a moment she’s disoriented. Instinctively, her arms and legs start to paddle. She looks around nervously, but all around her is water and quiet. The current has carried her some distance away and she feels a wave of panic creeping up her spine. 

“Hello?” she cries out, but she gets no answer. 

So she cries out a little louder, “Is anyone there?” but still she gets no answer.

Feeling very much alone and getting quite scared, she turns and swims for shore, stroking gracefully through the water. Her legs trail behind her, pale and strong, until her fingers brush the bottom and her feet settle again on the soft gritty sand. Only then she turns around and scans the ocean again, but there’s no one to be found. She shakes her head and wonders out loud, “am I losing my mind?”

She brings her right hand up slowly and touches her cheek with her fingertips. It wasn’t her imagination, right? She lets out a shuddering breath that rattles her body. She scans the ocean once more, before she turns and walks out of the water.

Her clothes are soaked through to her skin and a shudder runs through her body. She scans the beach in search of her jacket, but it’s too dark to see anything. She releases a deep sigh and feels her heart rate slow back to normal. Well, I didn’t like my jacket anyway, she decides and hugs herself to keep warm. She could use the alcohol though. 

She closes her eyes and listens; the waves seem to call her name as they strike the beach. It’s always this way, when it’s time to leave. It’s always this way, when the pain crashes back down on her. She swallows back a sob, a hand pressed to her mouth. Does it ever get easier? 

After a long moment, she turns to leave, but freezes when she sees a silhouette of someone standing in the dark. And, of course, it’s the last person she wants to see right now. 

“I knew I’d find you here..” 

Valentina shakes her head and runs her fingers through her hair. “Just go, Lucho..” 

She takes a few steps away before looking at him again. In the dim light, she can barely make out his expression. “There’s nothing more to say.”

“You’re not thinking clearly, Valentina. This is your depression talking.” He sounds angry. Valentina doesn’t want him angry. She just wants him to leave. 

“I’m not depressed, Lucho.” Her voice sounds more and more exhausted with every word. “I’m trying to cope with my mother’s dead.”

Lucho takes an angry step toward her. “It’s been six months!” he nearly screams. “Six months!”

“There is no time line for grief to end, Lucho! It takes as long as it takes!” 

She balls her hands into fists and presses them to her eyes. “I never asked you to wait for me.” 

Lucho takes a step back as if she’d physically slapped him. 

She steels herself, and says it louder. “I don’t want you to wait for me.” 

She turns away from him, but Lucho grabs her arm to stop her. “Wait!”

“Let me go!” Her angry words resound over the beach, punctuated by the violent crash of waves towards the shore.

She breaks free and takes a few steps away from him. 

“Just listen to me!” he nearly pleads. “You don’t want this.. I know you will come back to me. You always do..”

Valentina shakes her head. “Not this time.. We’re done, Lucho. Have been for a long time.” 

“No, Val, you’re-“ 

“Yes,” she shouts, cutting him off. “I-“

An odd sound draws her attention, and she swallows her words. She’s accustomed to the sound of the waves approaching and withdrawing, but this is not the sound she’s grown accustomed to. It sounds different somehow, quieter and softer, and it seems to go on forever. Her eyes drift towards the ocean and widen in alarm. Her breath hitches, her mouth falling open in shock. 

For a moment, she simply stands there and watches the water retreat further and further away from her. Abnormally far away. She blinks her eyes in utter disbelief and reaches for Lucho, but he’s no longer in front of her. She drags her eyes away from the ocean and finds him staring almost transfixed at something in front of him. He takes another step away from her. 

“Do you hear that?”

Valentina shakes her head. “What?”

Lucho keeps moving towards the ocean. “That voice…” he whispers almost reverently. “It’s so.. Beautiful..”

Valentina frowns and strains her ears to listen, but all she hears is a sudden gust of wind so loud it drowns out everything else. “Lucho, what are you talking about?”

He doesn’t respond, only continues to stare intently into the distance. 

“Lucho, wha-“ She stills when a strong gust of wind nearly knocks her down. Instinctively, she braces her own waist.

In the next moment, in a pause of the wind, Lucho turns and walks past her. “I have to go.” 

Valentina is too stunned to reply and just watches him leave. What the hell just happened? She can feel her entire body shaking as she lowers herself to the sand. She draws up her knees and rests her forehead on them while trying to calm her raw emotions. 

It takes her a couple of minutes to calm down and she draws in a deep, shaky breath. Her heart skips a beat when she hears a soft, feminine voice ask, “Are you all right?” 

She lifts her head and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. She doesn’t answer, doesn’t look up. 

She can feel someone kneel beside her, but she still doesn’t look up. 

“Do you need anything?” the girl asks again, her voice deep and warm.

Valentina wipes at her eyes, feeling exhausted beyond words. “To be alone..” 

Her voice breaks when she says, “I need to be… alone.”

“Okay, sorry..” She hears some shuffling beside her before the girl speaks up again, “It’s just that I saw you earlier.. You were arguing with your boyfriend and..”

Valentina watches from the corner of her eye as the girl stands up. “But, yeah, you’re right.”

The girl points at the sand beside her. “I believe that belongs to you.”

Valentina looks down to see her jacket and she reaches out to take it. She shakes her head, confused. 

The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them, “Wait. I’m sorry.”

The girl stops in her tracks and for the first time Valentina really looks at her. For a stunned second she takes in the girl’s features. Her strong jaw line, a perfectly constructed nose, a dimple in her chin, but most of all her dark, expressive eyes. Black hair frames her face in natural waves as it reaches to her shoulders. She is breathtakingly beautiful, it’s almost unreal. 

“I think.. I think I’m fine. Thank you.” she stammers, unable to avert her eyes. “Thank you for asking.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them, “Wait. I’m sorry.”

The girl stops in her tracks and for the first time Valentina really looks at her. For a stunned second she takes in the girl’s features. Her strong jaw line, a perfectly constructed nose, a dimple in her chin, but most of all her dark, expressive eyes. Black hair frames her face in natural waves as it reaches to her shoulders. She is breathtakingly beautiful, it’s almost unreal. 

“I think.. I think I’m fine. Thank you.” she stammers, unable to avert her eyes. “Thank you for asking.”

****

The girl nods, almost imperceptibly, and a small smile lifts the corner of her mouth. Valentina has no idea why, but her heart stutters for several beats. She clears her throat and she knows she should look away, but she doesn’t. Can’t. Those dark eyes mesmerize her. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and lets her gaze wander over the girl’s features again. 

“So, what is it then?” Her soft voice breaks the silence without disrupting Valentina’s trance. 

The girl seems to hesitate before she slowly sits down next to her, keeping an appropriate distance between them. She tucks a lock of dark hair behind her ear, her eyes never leaving Valentina’s. 

They hold each other’s gaze for a few more seconds, before Valentina has to look away, feeling overwhelmed by this unfamiliar staring contest. She covers her face with her hands and begins to laugh. Her whole body shakes. For once she’s not crying, she’s laughing, although she doesn’t quite know why she’s laughing in the first place. 

“I don’t know where to start..”

She hears a quiet, beautiful laugh beside her, and Valentina can’t help but stare in complete admiration, heart hammering anew in a way she can’t make sense of. Her eyes are wide, and she blinks several times, placing her hand to her mouth. Their gazes lock once again as the wind blows about them and the waves crash onto the sand. 

“That bad, huh?” the girl says quietly, and her lips part in an even more stunning smile.

Valentina nods slowly, her eyes lingering on every feature. She scrunches her eyebrows together like she’s trying to solve a puzzle in her mind. 

“You have no idea..” she nearly whispers.

The girl presses her lips together and watches her intently, her gaze darting back and forth between Valentina’s blue eyes. 

“Well.. Enlighten me.”

Valentina lowers her hand from her mouth and drops it into her lap, exposing herself to the girl’s dark eyes. She’s feeling a little disoriented, dizzy almost, which is strange, though not the strangest thing that’s happened to her tonight. 

She watches brown eyes glance down at her lap, and it’s only when she follows the girl’s gaze, that Valentina realizes her hands are shaking. Her breath hitches when the dark haired girl reaches out and gently takes the jacket from her lap. Valentina follows the movement with her eyes, her lips parting a little. 

“You look cold..” Her voice is soft, almost too soft to hear, but Valentina hears the words loud and clear. Adrenaline is coursing through her body, all her senses are heightened. It’s a strangely addictive feeling. 

She watches as the girl leans a little closer to her before she gently drapes the jacket around her shoulders, letting her hands linger on the fabric for a brief moment. Valentina shivers, but not from the cold. 

“Thank you..” she whispers, barely any sound to her voice. She pulls the jacket around her tightly and crosses her arms to stop her hands from shaking. 

The girl nods once and offers her a small, almost shy smile. They sit in silence for a moment, listening to the wind and the waves crashing on the shore. Valentina keeps stealing glances at the dark haired girl beside her and she can’t help but wonder why she’s here. Why she’s spending time with a stranger. Why she seems genuinely interested in her story. Why she’s taking the time to listen to her near midnight. Her family and friends won’t even listen to her. 

She bites her bottom lip and shakes her head again. “I don’t even know your name.” 

The girl releases a light, breathy laugh, her eyes sparkling in the dim moonlight. She watches Valentina for long seconds before she slowly, tentatively holds out her hand. 

“Juliana.”

Valentina can feel her lips curl into a wide smile, repeating the girl’s name in her head, before she reaches out a trembling hand. She takes Juliana’s warm one into her own, gently shaking it. An unexpected spark of electricity shoots up her arm and it takes her several moments to whisper, “Valentina.” 

She can’t help but stare at Juliana’s face, the way her eyes light up even brighter and that dimple in her chin that makes her want to run her finger over it. She gently squeezes the girl’s hand and wonders if it’s time to let go. But she can’t do anything. Her limbs are useless and she can’t hardly breathe. 

She swallows her protest when Juliana slowly pulls her hand out of her grasp, but she can’t stop a soft sigh from escaping her throat. She has no idea how to handle her body’s reactions, because they don’t make any sense. 

“You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you.” Juliana softly speaks up. “But just so you know.. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger.”

Her eyes are so reassuring that Valentina almost has to look away. Almost. And for whatever reason, the words tumble out of her mouth. 

“I just don’t understand people lately.” 

She bites her lower lip and shakes her head. She has difficulty putting her feelings and thoughts into words, but she tries anyway. 

“I feel like people aren’t real.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “Really.. They prefer when you lie to their faces, instead of saying what you really think.”

She watches Juliana purse her lips, her brown eyes never leaving her face. 

“My friends..” she quietly continues, “They’re supposedly.. tired of me because I’m depressed. And Lucho.. the guy who just left.. he wants me to move on. He thinks I’m overreacting. He wants me to be… to be the girl I used to be.”

She glances down, suddenly feeling bare before the girl’s searching gaze. 

“But I’m not that girl anymore.” Her voice comes out in a broken whisper. 

Instinctively, her hand reaches into her pocket. She closes her fingers around the flask and desperately tries to fight the urge to chug down a large amount of alcohol without pause. It’s the only way she knows to cope with her feelings, the only way to numb them. 

She wasn’t expecting the hesitant press of Juliana’s hand on her back, as if sensing her internal battle. She feels herself lean into the touch, her body moving of its own accord, seeking relief in the pressure of the girl’s hand against her back.

“What happened?” 

Her voice is so gentle, so warm, and Valentina feels her eyes fill with tears again. She frowns and looks to the side, trying everything she can to not let them fall down her cheeks. She knows that if she starts crying, she won’t be able to stop. She is so tired. Tired of crying, tired of the constant pressure in her chest.

But she knows she needs to open up and vent, and get some things of her chest. She can’t make it on her own. In contrast to her family and friends, Juliana appears to be genuinely interested in her story.. although she can’t imagine why. 

It takes her another moment to summon her courage. “It’s my mom..” 

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, shutting her eyes before she speaks again. “She passed away six months ago. And I.. I don’t know how to deal with it. I just can’t.. I can’t deal with it.”

The tension in her body eases the second she feels a hesitant, warm hand rubbing her back gently. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” 

Her voice is so gentle, so warm, and Valentina feels her eyes fill with tears again. She’s so relieved to hear comfort instead of pity. Maybe that’s the reason she continues.

“No one understands the pain I feel. No one understands how hard it is for me to wake up every day and put a smile on my face. I can’t change the way I feel. I can’t-“ She can’t bring herself to finish, already angry at herself for revealing more than she would have liked. 

She hides her face in her trembling hands, but gentle fingers push them aside again, revealing her teary eyes. 

“Hey..” Juliana whispers, gently lifting her chin up with a finger. “Look at me.” 

The words are so gentle, so soft and filled with something akin to care. She hesitantly meets the girl’s gaze and the warmness she finds there is so intense that Valentina feels on the edge of shattering into a million pieces. 

“A loss like that changes you.. And it changes your life. Believe me, I know all about it.” She smiles almost wistfully. 

“But don’t let anyone tell you when your grief needs to be over. This is a personal thing and everyone is different. Don’t let anyone try and convince you that your sadness has lingered too long.”

She leans a little closer, as if making sure that she hears her next words. 

“Set your own pace, Valentina. Take all the time you need.. and don’t let others judge you by their ignorance. ”

Valentina shudders and opens her mouth, trying to form words. Nothing comes out, though. A strange mixture of relief, sadness, gratefulness and wonder threatens to overwhelm her, and an odd sound escapes her throat. She closes her eyes, so confused she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

“Who are you, Juliana?” she whispers, opening her eyes to find brown ones already searching hers. “Where did you come from? Where were you all this time?”

A beautiful smile lifts the corner of Juliana’s mouth before the she answers, “I’m here now..”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your reviews and kudos :)

Chapter 3

It’s been three days since her encounter with Juliana at the beach and Valentina finds herself unable to stop replaying every detail, every word, every look crystal clear in her memory. They had spent less than an hour together, but Juliana had managed to strike a chord deep within her. 

She was the only one who had found a way through the walls she had built around herself, walls, which concealed her true self from others. Juliana made her feel heard, understood, without judgement. No person had managed to do that before. As it turned out, she simply needed someone to notice her, someone to care. She never expected a stranger to be that person, though. 

For the first time in what felt like forever, a tiny sliver of hope had returned to her life, a feeling she both welcomed and feared. 

Juliana.. 

She hadn’t even thanked her properly. She’d been far too overwhelmed, too self-centered. She’d been unprepared for the emotions that rose within her. And now, she finds herself wishing she could redo their encounter, wishing she’d found out more about the girl than just her name. 

She recalls her own last words , “I guess I’ll be seeing you around.” She also recalls Juliana’s answering smile, small and beautiful. But hesitant. She hadn’t been in her right mind that night, so she didn’t think anything of it. 

Now she thinks she’s starting to realize the meaning of her smile. And, for a moment, she feels inexplicably scared. After two days of fruitless searching for the girl, she realizes that she might never see her again. She might never have a chance to talk with her again. She might never have the chance to thank her. Valentina doesn’t understand why she’s so thrown by it. 

****

It’s late afternoon when Juliana finally settles down into the sand, absentmindedly watching the waves roll onto shore. She stretches her legs, feeling her muscles protest at the movement. She has just finished her first day working at a local diner, learning how to serve food and interact with guests. She’s been on her feet all day and she can already feel blisters in both heels. Despite her current physical discomfort, she feels oddly satisfied. 

She’s even beginning to feel normal, like a real person, someone who’s able to do regular things. She loves the fact that she can blend in with people around her and, for once, there’s nothing to set her apart from others. She’s finally ready. She’s finally able to suppress her powers and to at least attempt to live her life as normal as possible. 

Juliana had always known she was different. As a child, she never understood why none of the girls seemed to like her, while all the boys adored her. She never understood why her one true friend, who happened to be a girl, only existed in her dreams. A beautiful girl with a tail like a fish, a girl who showed up every night to take her to the ocean to swim. A girl she grew up with and loved like family. 

Her dreams had been as authentic to her as her waking life was. As a child she never understood why no one else had a friend like her that they only saw at night. A friend she was never able to find during the day. She’d tried so many times, oh how she’d tried, but she never succeeded. 

While she was growing up, she felt as if she lived two lives: the one through her dreams, and the one in the present. It had been that way all her life and she learned not to talk about it, although it made her feel even more of an outsider. 

Her dreams stopped the year she turned eighteen. The year she thought she might die from a broken heart. She had never felt more alone in her life. She couldn’t imagine never seeing her best friend again; she couldn’t imagine going through life without being able to escape reality in her dreams. She couldn’t lose yet another person she loved; she barely survived it the first time. 

She didn’t know she had abilities until a year ago. That awful night at the beach bonfire, where Sergio had tried to kiss her against her wishes. She had turned him down twice and ran away. Getting angry, he ran after her, easily catching up with her and grabbed her from behind, placing a hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. 

His action had triggered something in her that had been just beneath the surface, something powerful, something that both terrified and thrilled her. Somehow, she managed to free herself from his constricting grip, turning all the way to defend herself. 

“Fuck off, Sergio! Leave me alone!” Her voice was so deep, so demanding, that she hardly recognized it as her own. She would never forget the look on his face, the complete and utter wonder in his eyes. He just nodded his head and turned to leave without a fight. 

Juliana just stood there, looking baffled, unable to comprehend what had just happened to her. Every hair on her body prickled, her flesh crawling as adrenaline coursed through her veins. She still remembers the odd, but beautiful voices surrounding her. Though she could see nothing, snatches of voices came in waves carried on the wind, almost compelling her toward the water. 

Ever since that day, it was like her body wasn’t her own anymore. She learned that she had the ability to manipulate people. For the past year, she’d practiced her ability, to force her will onto several men around her. She forced them to do random things like running around, and afterward she always felt guilty. She discovered that her skills were more powerful near the ocean. It explained the ever-present pull she felt towards the water.

However, her powers didn’t affect women; they pretty much hated her on sight, now even more than before. She figured it had to do with the effect she had on men, that they were just jealous. Truth be told, she’d never been particularly interested in boys, but boys were zeroing in on her, older boys, juniors and seniors. She never actively tried to attract their attention. 

Her introverted personality, however, did not deter the attention she received from the opposite sex. Because of her shy nature, Juliana found it hard to make friends with the other girls in school, and most of them soon turned jealous of the attention she got from the boys. They tried to humiliate and degrade her at every possible opportunity, and it took a toll on her state of mind. Unbeknownst to them, their continuous taunting would end in horrible tragedy, a tragedy that would change Juliana’s life forever.

For almost two years, her memories had been magically suppressed, her emotions blunted so that she could function, if not heal. Unfortunately, the magic that had suppressed them, had been somehow neglected, and she got to experience her feelings for the first time in a long while. She though these wounds were old, but they were still raw. 

She blames herself. She always has. They call it survivors guilt. Why did she survive when her mother didn’t? Why did she push her mother to leave town? What if she had just endured the constant taunting? What if they’d never left? What if…

A cold gust of wind blows against her face, freezing the tears on her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away. She squeezes her eyes shut and clamps her hand over her mouth, forcing her mind elsewhere. She doesn’t know why the first thing that pops into her mind is Valentina’s face, or more specifically, her ocean blue eyes. Eyes so pure, so full of honesty, and the most intense she’s ever seen. 

Valentina..

She still doesn’t understand what happened that night. It wasn’t the brightest idea she’d had lately, but the urge to help her, Valentina, had been too strong to resist. But the only way to help her was to do the one thing she promised herself she wouldn’t do. She did it anyway. 

She’d used her powers to get rid of the guy who was harassing her, and for once she didn’t feel any guilt at all. It felt like the right thing to do. Then she did something even more unexpected. She’d found herself walking toward the girl. She knew she’d be rejected in much the same way as all the other girls did, but it didn’t stop her. Not this time.

She remembers everything vividly. She remembers feeling a gentle tingling sensation in her spine. Then it turned into a pulling feeling. It felt as though something was tugging at her from the center of her body. There was a song that played only in her mind and Juliana felt that something was calling out to her in some foreign tongue through the roaring wind. 

She concentrated on the voice inside her head, the one that was pulling her toward the girl, she could feel it, like a hand holding her spine. Strangely, fear was far from her, her mind was euphorically calm. 

The song grew louder in her head with every step she took. The beat of a drum pounded to the rhythm of her own heart. Her body shook wildly with the beat. She felt that she might burst into pieces at any moment, but when she stopped in front of the girl all sounds ceased.

She will never forget the first time Valentina had looked into her eyes. It took her breath, but this time in a good way. Her beautiful, blue eyes held no envy, no hate, no anger. Just honesty, wonder, and an extreme vulnerability. It evoked a strong rush of protectiveness within her; a sensation she didn’t know she wanted or needed. 

She’d never felt so close, so connected to another person, and definitely not a girl. It was like her powers didn’t have any effect on Valentina at all. It scared and exhilarated her at the same time, because she couldn’t afford to get attached. She couldn’t afford to entertain the idea of being friends with her. It wouldn’t work anyway; no one would ever be safe around her. 

Besides, no one would ever fully accept her, not if they knew who she was. Not if they knew what she’s capable of. She could never reveal herself, her true self, without the fear of being rejected or judged. She simply couldn’t let anyone get too close to her. 

***

Once the sun disappears well below the horizon, Juliana decides to go home and cook diner. She slowly stands up and wipes the sand of her shorts. But before she can take a step, she feels a hand on her elbow.

“Juliana?”

Her breath hitches and she looks up, her mouth falling open. Valentina stares back at her with wide, bright eyes and then smiles beautifully. Her eyes are so clear and beautiful that it forces a gulp in Juliana’s throat. She gets stuck staring into them for a long time before she thinks of something to say. 

“Valentina… Hey..”

Something settles inside of Juliana at the sight of the girl and it confuses her. She closes her eyes and hopes the feeling will go away. 

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Valentina’s voice is like a whisper in the wind, so soft and gentle, yet it hits her harder than a fist to her gut, knocking the air from her lungs. 

She opens her eyes to find Valentina closer than before, much closer than she anticipated, blue eyes searching her face as if trying to memorize it. Her fingers itch to reach out and tuck a loose strand of hair behind the girl’s ear, but it seems like it’d break the spell.

Her eyes are ridiculously blue and Juliana can tell that she’s nervous. She can see it in the way Valentina’s gaze keeps darting back and forth between her eyes, and in the way her hands keep folding and unfolding at her sides. A few seconds go by as they stare at each other, before Valentina slowly moves closer. 

She holds her breath as Valentina stops right in front of her, nervously watching her through her long lashes. She sucks the right corner of her lower lip between her teeth and seems to hesitate for a moment. Before she knows what’s happening or has time to protest, Valentina gently wraps her arms around her shoulders, pulling her into her body. 

Juliana stiffens for a moment, unused to being hugged, before she’s brave enough to wrap her arms around her, too. Valentina moves ever so carefully closer, like she’s afraid of making the wrong move, and buries her face against Juliana’s shoulder.

They inhale at the same time, their chests rising and falling together. Goosebumps jump up along her spine, and she allows her body to melt against Valentina’s, inch by liquid inch, burying her face in the crook of her neck. Her heart is racing and she knows she should feel embarrassed that Valentina can probably feel it but, for some reason, she doesn’t. 

The moment is charged with an energy she can’t quite name, its’s unlike anything she’s ever felt before. Every nerve ending, every hair on her body, is standing to attention. It’s almost too much, too pleasurable, too intimate. She’s doesn’t understand the sensations she’s feeling, she doesn’t understand how she can feel so much from this kind of touch. 

It makes her breath hitch in her throat and she has no idea what to do. Her brain doesn’t know how to function when she can feel the soft warmth of Valentina’s body against her own. Juliana can feel her hands shaking against the girl’s lower back when she hears her whisper, “Thank you..”

She’s not sure why Valentina is thanking her. For the hug? For the other night? For being here? 

“Thank you.. so much, Juliana.” she whispers again, and Juliana can do nothing but hold her.

She doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t know how to say it or what to say. She feels an overwhelming urge to cry and squeezes her eyes shut. Valentina’s face is so close to her neck that she can feel her breath against her skin, and suddenly, it’s all too much.. too intense. She lightens the pressure of her arms around Valentina’s waist, getting ready to stand back, to break away from the embrace, but Valentina continues to hold her. 

She doesn’t know what to do, she isn’t equipped to handle the situation. She doesn’t understand. She feels all these things and they’re so big and intense and scary. Suddenly, sharply, she pulls away.

“Valentina,” she whispers, and holds her at arm’s length. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

She can feel Valentina’s gaze on her but she doesn’t dare to lift her head to look into her eyes. She can’t handle any more emotions. She only knows she needs to leave, to put some distance between them. She shakes her head and runs a hand through her hair, feeling disoriented. She apologizes again and begins to walk away, but before she can leave, Valentina’s voice stops her. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers a little breathless. “I’m so sorry, Juliana. I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t intend to make.. I-I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I just-” 

“Don’t be,” Juliana whispers, saving Valentina from her nervous rambling. “It’s okay.”

She keeps her back to Valentina, hiding her face. She lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

“It obviously isn’t…” Valentina replies before adding softly, “It isn’t okay, I mean. You won’t even look at me..”

She sounds so vulnerable, so nervous, that Juliana instinctively turns to look at her. For a moment, all she can do is stare, stare at the high arches of smooth cheeks, stare at those intense blue eyes, surrounded by dark and defined eyelashes that accentuate the color. Valentina’s lips are slightly parted and she seems a little out of breath. 

She watches as Valentina’s eyes dart back and forth between hers, and though she wants to run, she sees a flicker of fear in her blue eyes that stills her. 

“It really is okay,” she whispers, “I just need to go home, okay?” 

Valentina doesn’t look convinced, but after a moment, she nods her head. She brushes her hair out of her face and takes a slow, deep breath. 

“Can I see you again?” Valentina’s eyes widen, almost as if surprising herself with her own words. 

Juliana opens her mouth to say something, anything, but Valentina beats her to it. “I won’t touch you next time, okay? I promise.”

Juliana can’t help the deep blush or shy smile that spreads on her face. Her words come out in a whisper; she wants to be brave but she just can’t help it, “Meet me here tomorrow at sundown.”

Or maybe she’s braver than ever before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for your views and comments :) They mean the world to me!

Chapter 4

Valentina stares off into the distance, subconsciously watching the sun’s slow descent toward the horizon. She digs her bare feet deep into the sand to ground herself. Her insides jerk beneath her flesh and she has no idea what to make of it. She feels hot and clammy, cold and shaky. She squeezes her hands into fists, her nails digging into her palms like knives. Pain shoots up her arms and she sighs in relief. She welcomes the pain, because finally, it’s a sensation she does understand. 

She closes her eyes and forces herself to let the sound of the waves sooth her, but it doesn’t work this time. She’s restless and nothing seems to calm her. She can still feel Juliana’s arms around her waist, she can still see the look on her face when she pulled out of her arms, and it keeps spinning around in her head like a broken record.

She shouldn’t have done what she did last night. She really shouldn’t have hugged her like that, but she was so relieved to see her, she hadn’t been able to stop herself. But now she fears she may have gone too far, that she unintentionally crossed a line. That she broke it - whatever it was that was building between them - before it even had a chance to really start. 

She’d always been impulsive, she’d always been a very caring and enthusiastic person, but most of all she’d always been emphatic. She should have picked up on the signs, she should have paid closer attention to the hesitancy in Juliana eyes. But she’d been blinded by her overwhelming relief at seeing the girl; her almost desperate need to hold her and never let go. 

Juliana makes her feel things she’s never felt before and it confuses her. She’s only met her twice, so it doesn’t make any sense; she doesn’t even really know her. But that doesn’t change the fact that there’s something more about her, something… unknown that draws her. She can’t explain it, but it’s a pull she feels. She connects with Juliana in a different way than she connects with other people. 

Valentina doesn’t want to think about it, she tries not to think about it but she can’t stop thinking about it. She thinks about it all the time. Last night, she’d been unable to sleep because she was too overwhelmed to close her eyes. There had been so many different emotions running through her, she’d hardly known where to start in identifying them. But tops on her list was relief. The overwhelming relief to see Juliana again, the relief at finding out that she didn’t disappear from her life forever without saying goodbye. 

A strong gust of wind pulls her out of her thoughts and she brushes her hair out of her face. Despite her sleep-deprived state, she feels oddly energized. She forces herself to take several deep, calming breaths as she unsuccessfully tries to calm down her racing heart. There is nothing to describe what her heart does when she finally notices Juliana approaching. For a moment she can do nothing but stare, blinking once, twice, a bizarre mix of emotions rising up in her chest. 

Her body doesn’t feel like her own. She’s trembling like a leaf and a current races from her scalp to the base of her spine. Her throat, suddenly so very dry and tight, seems to close up completely. She idly wonders if she’s dying of some rare disease. She widens her stance a bit more to stop her knees from shaking, but her body sways like a willow in spring wind. 

Juliana walks toward her, hands in her pockets, a shy smile on her face. Valentina blinks and she has an incredible desire to pinch herself to make sure she isn’t dreaming or something, because no one should be allowed to look this good. The hues of the approaching sunset dance across Juliana’s face, illuminating her features.

Valentina realizes she’s blatantly staring, but she doesn’t even try to stop herself. She knows she won’t be able to and honestly, she doesn’t want to. She wants to freeze this moment in her mind, make it forever and unchangeable. She lets her eyes wander down the entire length of Juliana’s body, lingering here and there, trying to memorize every striking detail. 

Her dark hair flows in the soft wind, her slim figure enhanced by a leather jacket and denim pants. She carries herself with confidence, although her shy smile reveals her nervousness. Brown eyes watch her as the girl walks over, sending a myriad of sensations through Valentina’s body. Her legs feels wobbly and everything aches. She unconsciously toys with a lock of her hair, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth. 

God, she’s stunning. I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful. 

Shocked at her own thoughts, she abruptly closes her eyes, shakes her head and looks away. A wave of guilt washes through her, causing a blush on her cheeks to flood her skin all the way down to her neck. She feels her skin prickle with goosebumps all over and she shivers involuntary. 

She tries to keep her eyes closed, but the urge to look is stronger. Her eyes fly open again and she notices, to her embarrassment, that Juliana is still watching her. Despite her hopes, the light of the sunset is in no way dim enough to hide her blush from the girl’s sight. 

All too soon Juliana stops within arm’s length. A moment of silence falls between them, both frozen in place. Juliana’s eyes are the only part of her body that move, and they roam all over Valentina’s face with an odd intensity, as if memorizing her features. 

They’re standing close, and Valentina revels on it, her fingers itching to reach out. She fidgets with the hem of her jacket and tries to act normally, feeling her bottom lip quiver. She can tell Juliana is just as nervous as she is, because in the next moment, she lets out a breathy laugh and lowers her head, her dark hair falling across her face. 

Several seconds pass before she raises her head again, and when she does, it is almost as if Juliana has disappeared and another girl has taken her place. This girl is tougher and more confident than she was just moments ago. 

Valentina’s heart speeds up and it’s beating so loud she’s afraid Juliana can hear it. She can only stare at the girl’s face with something close to wonder. She’s so beautiful, Valentina feels overwhelmed at the feeling of just being in her presence. She becomes momentarily transfixed by Juliana’s mouth and her perfect lips. A warm sensation flows though her body, up through her spine, making her fingers tingle. It’s a feeling she doesn’t know what to do with, just as she doesn’t know what to do with all the confusing thoughts that continue spinning through her mind. 

Juliana drops her head to one side ever so slightly and Valentina doesn’t miss the little twinkle of curiosity in her dark eyes, almost as if she’s curious to know the findings of her little exploration. Valentina remains silent, barely daring to breathe. The moment feels charged, and from the look on the girl’s face, Valentina somehow knows she’s feeling it too. 

Juliana lets out a slow exhale, like she’s been holding her breath, and this time it’s Juliana who surprises her with a quick one-armed hug before releasing her again. Valentina’s eyes widen in surprise and, in the shock of the moment, she’s too stunned to return the hug. 

She blinks her lashes a few times, her mouth slightly open in shock. Juliana releases a breathy laugh and her lips curl into a smile so dazzling Valentina nearly falls flat on her face. She feels her own lips curl in response, her chest tightening with an emotion she can’t name. 

“Hey, listen, I’m sorry for making things awkward between us,” Juliana sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and combs her hand through her hair. “I’m sorry about the way I acted yesterday. You just took me by surprise, that’s all.”

Valentina shakes her head and clears her throat. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.. I don’t know what came over me last night.”

A nervous laugh slips through her lips and she doesn’t know where her next words come from. “But just so you know, people tend to like my hugs..” 

It’s her way to lighten the mood, apparently, and it seems to work, because Juliana erupts in laughter. Valentina finds herself laughing too. Soon she’s laughing so hard that her stomach knots in pain, her eyes never leaving the girl’s face. 

Finally, after several long moments, their laughter dies down. Something changes in Juliana’s expression and, for a second, Valentina’s heart stops when dark brown eyes slowly drift to look down at her lips. They dart back up a second later and Juliana’s smile is so wide and true, Valentina wishes it wasn’t weird to ask her if she could take a picture of it.

A loose strand of hair falls on the girl’s face and she wants so badly to reach out and tuck it behind her ear. It takes everything she has not to. The feelings she’s having right now are so strong, it almost feels like there’s a drug in the air that she’s breathing in, filling every inch of her body and mind. With Juliana’s eyes boring into hers, she isn’t strong enough to hold anything back. 

“I’m glad to see you again..” Her voice comes out softer than intended, but her words no longer tremble. 

She watches the girl blink at her, almost as if surprised, a soft smile playing on her lips. 

“Me too..” 

There’s no hesitation in her voice and Valentina almost breathes a sigh of relief. She feels herself smiling again and gazes at the ocean. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

Juliana nods her head in agreement, “Yeah, sure..”

Their eyes meet again and both girls smile shyly as they fall into step beside each other. Valentina feels a soft gust of wind brush across her cheeks and she welcomes the feeling, gingerly sniffing the salty air. For the first time in hours, she feels a calmness settle over her. 

“So, what’s your story, Juliana?” 

She rubs her hands together and watches the girl swallow beside her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows she shouldn’t get too attached, but she’s far too intrigued by this girl to do anything about it. She wants to know everything there is to know about her. She’s never wanted anything more in her life and she doesn’t want to waste any time in case she’ll disappear again. 

It takes Juliana a long time to answer. “What do you mean?”

Valentina snorts and shakes her head, her blue eyes boring into Juliana’s. 

“I mean, your story? Where do you come from? What do you do? Are you still in school? Are you-” She cuts herself off, laughing lightly, almost embarrassed. 

Juliana smiles at her, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “There’s not much to tell.”

Valentina scrunches her eyebrows together. Why was she being so evasive? 

“We all got a story, Juliana.” She stops herself when she sees the girl stiffen, a look of mild panic entering her eyes. “It’s okay.. It’s okay if you don’t want to share, I mean.”

Juliana stays quiet for a few seconds before whispering, “It’s not that I don’t want to.” She clears her throat and continues, louder this time, “I find it difficult to talk about myself.”

Valentina’s eyes remain fixed on the girl, searching her face. “Why?”

Juliana shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head. She seems almost embarrassed now and Valentina hates that she’s the cause of her unease. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t have enough practice with this, I guess. If no one cares enough to ask, then why…” Juliana cuts herself off, staring at her feet. “I probably wouldn’t tell them anyway- I tend to keep things to myself.” 

Valentina feels a pressure in her chest, a trap squeezing her heart, holding her in place, pinned. She reaches out and gently grabs Juliana’s elbow, effectively stopping her. She moves in front of the girl and her hands find Juliana’s without thinking about it. When she makes no move to pull away, Valentina tangles their fingers together. 

A searing, sudden rage boils through her veins; rage toward every single person who made Juliana feel as if she didn’t matter, as if she wasn’t good enough. Valentina gently cups her chin and angles the girl’s head until their eyes lock again. 

“I care..” she hears herself breathing out. “I want to know who you are.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for your views,kudos and comments :)  
> Let me know what you think!

Chapter 5

A searing, sudden rage boils through her veins; rage toward every single person who made Juliana feel as if she didn’t matter, as if she wasn’t good enough. Valentina gently cups her chin and angles the girl’s head until their eyes lock again. 

“I care..” she hears herself breathing out. “I want to know who you are.”

Valentina’s heart jumps into her throat at the way Juliana’s eyes sear into her and never once look away. She can practically see her words slowly sink in and watches the girl’s cheeks turn a deep shade of pink. For a moment, Juliana seems almost awestruck. Her eyes are bright, and her lips part almost reverently when her gaze dances over Valentina’s face before her lips spread into a startlingly beautiful smile. Valentina’s chest feels like it expands a mile.

She feels her own lips curl up in response and watches glowing, brown eyes shift down. Juliana’s gaze lingers on her lips only briefly but it’s enough to make Valentina’s heart thunder in her chest and then in her ears. For a split second she wonders if the girl will lean forward, and she braces herself for it, but Juliana doesn’t move. She hardly even breathes, and they stay that way for what feels like an eternity, surrounded only by the lingering pink hues of the setting sun and a gentle breeze.

She moves her hand a little and very gently traces the line of Juliana’s cheek and her jaw. Valentina sees her shiver. Holding her wide dark eyes, she brushes a stray lock of hair behind the girl’s ear and allows her hand to linger against her cheek. She can feel Juliana lean subtly into the touch, and she pushes back with the most minute pressure.

“I care…” she whispers again, unable to stop herself. “..very much.” 

Her words jump through her lips like they are desperate to be free, and Valentina lets them overwhelm her. Overwhelm Juliana. Her hand is warm on the girl’s cheek, almost feverish. If she was thinking her heart was beating before, she knows that it is now beating out of control. 

She feels like the world has suddenly shrunken down around them, and she can feel the mounting energy like the build of electricity in the air before a storm. She actually finds herself holding her breath. 

“Why?” Juliana whispers, snapping Valentina back to reality.

Her dark eyes are so bright and so achingly vulnerable that Valentina has the overwhelming urge to take the girl in her arms, but she holds herself back. Instead, she just watches Juliana closely, trying to catch every emotion crossing her beautiful face. 

“Why do you care?” she whispers again, tilting her head slightly to the side.

Juliana’s eyes roam over her face, and Valentina can do nothing but stand before her, vulnerable, open, laying her heart bare. She feels hot and cold at the same time, and when she glances down, she finds her left hand still clasping the girl’s right one. She squeezes once, and her lips twitch into a smile when Juliana squeezes back. 

She chews on her bottom lip for a few seconds before she looks up into the girl’s eyes again. 

“Juliana, I..” 

She hesitates, unsure what exactly she wants to say. Unconsciously, she twirls her index finger around a strand of Juliana’s hair. 

“Honesty, I don’t know.. I just know that I...” she cuts herself off, because she doesn’t know how to put into words what she thinks and feels, what she wants and wishes. 

She has no control over these feelings that come and go - okay, mostly come – whenever Juliana touches her, or, truth be told, whenever she so much as looks at her. These non-platonic, endlessly complicated feelings. Whatever it is, it confuses her, it confuses everything; it makes her feel she doesn’t know who she is anymore. And yet, in a way, she feels more like herself than ever. 

But there's one thing she's never been more sure of, one thing that both terrifies and thrills her, one thing she doesn’t even try to fight. So she licks her lips and her voice never once wavers when she whispers her next words. 

“Juliana, I know we’ve only just met, and you are probably going to think I’m crazy for saying this, but… I feel like we’re somehow connected.”

Once again, she watches the way her words wash over Juliana like a warm wave, leaving her breathless. Her heart stutters in her chest before picking up speed, because she’s more honest than perhaps she has ever been

“Since that first night I met you… I-” Valentina pauses for a moment, shaking her head. She feels like she is on fire, and she knows her cheeks have to be red, but it doesn’t stop her from confessing, “I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. It’s ridiculous, really…”

Juliana’s eyes widen and she noticeably swallows against whatever it is she’s feeling. Her hand twitches in Valentina’s and she shakes her head, her dark hair swaying with the movement. A flicker of something passes over her features and Valentina’s not quite sure what it means. But she wants to know. She wants to know how she feels, what she thinks, if she affects Juliana as much as the girl affects her. 

Juliana turns her head away, but in the next moment, she glances back at Valentina and her eyes shine with unexpected – and probably unintended – sadness. She swallows thickly, and Valentina watches her throat move with the action. When she finally speaks, it’s as if her words are stones that she has to find and carefully push out of her mouth. 

“You don’t know anything about me.”

They stand in silence, fingers tangled between them, for long seconds that seem to stretch on forever until Juliana whispers again, “You don’t know who I really am. I’m not…” 

Her brown eyes search Valentina’s face, burning with things she obviously wants to say, but doesn’t. When she doesn’t speak, Valentina takes a measured breath and swipes her thumb across the back of Juliana’s hand. 

“But I want to know,” she whispers, her blue eyes burning into Juliana’s, almost pleading with her. “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”

Juliana’s mouth opens and closes a few times, but she keeps silent. It’s hard to breathe with the way she is looking at her, like she wants to say a lot of things that Valentina’s afraid she won’t ever say. She can physically see Juliana swallow down her words like they are stones inside her throat.

They stare at each other for several more seconds before Juliana’s gaze flickers away, and Valentina sighs as she watches a careful mask slip into place and all the answers in Juliana’s eyes fade back. The silence stretches out so long that Valentina thinks the girl is not going to answer, but then she hears her whisper, “I’m sorry.. I don’t trust very easily.”

Valentina’s torn between wanting to comfort Juliana and wanting to give her space. She doesn’t know how to act right now. 

“It’s okay..” she breathes out.

They share a tentative smile before Juliana steps back a little, releasing Valentina’s hand. She sighs, somehow both disappointed and relieved for the chance to breathe fresh air not charged with the strange sort of tension that always seems to dance between them whenever they touch each other. It stays with her, though, like that tension has somehow slipped from the air and taken up residence in her body. It feels inescapable.

She glances at Juliana from the corner of her eye and sees the sharp line of her jaw as the girl stares up into the sky. She wonders what Juliana is thinking in that moment but she never asks. She thinks maybe it is better that she doesn’t, so she tilts her head and breathes in the fresh air. She shivers with chills that spill down her spine as she takes in the colors above her, a pink glow spreading across the dark-blue sky. It’s a soothing moment, and Valentina is content to let it embrace her for as long as possible. 

“My father..” Juliana’s voice pulls her back to reality and she turns her attention back to the girl now standing beside her. 

“Although I hardly consider him as an example..” A wry laugh escapes Juliana’s lips as she casts her eyes to her feet. 

“He taught me to be strong. He taught me not to show my weakness.”

Valentina’s chest tightens at the words, a pang in her heart. 

“What do you mean by weakness?” she says without thinking and has to swallow down the enormous lump that instantly forms in her throat. 

Understanding sinks in like a stone dropping heavily into the pit of her stomach. 

“Your feelings?” she whispers, the words so quiet that they hardly stir the air at all. 

For some reason, she doesn’t feel quite right asking the question out loud. Such a topic feels too private, too delicate, like it must be handled with care and with quiet. 

Juliana blinks slowly and nods her head almost imperceptibly. 

“Well, that’s a lot of crap,” Valentina blurts before she can stop herself. 

She bites her tongue as soon as the words are out, and she nearly slaps a hand over her mouth. But she doesn’t. Instead, she continues. 

“It’s not a weakness to show your feelings, Juliana.”

She watches the way Juliana’s eyes widen before she shifts slightly away from her. 

“I’m sorry!” she quickly blurts out, and raises her hands in apology. “I’m so sorry, Juliana, I don’t want to talk bad about your father, okay? I don’t even know him.. But why would he tell you something like that?”

Juliana swallows. Her mouth is tense, and Valentina can see she’s nervous. Scared, even. A moment of unease silence settles between them, as if stuck between fight and flight, and Valentina has no idea where to go from here. So many unspoken words hang in the air between them, creating an impossible weight and tension. 

She almost sighs in relief when Juliana’s soft voice finally breaks the silence. 

“Because he’s basically a…” She seems to consider her words, before adding, “..a bad person.” 

She looks like she wants to say something else, but then she stares off into the distance without elaborating further. Valentina’s bursting to ask more questions, but she keeps quiet. She can sense Juliana’s reluctance and she’s too afraid to push her on the subject. But to her surprise, Juliana opens up more about her past, her eyes turning stormy in the dying light of the day. 

“I haven’t seen him in over a year now,” she says quietly, shaking her head before her brown eyes lock with Valentina’s again. “I don’t even know where he lives now or what he’s doing.”

“Really?” Valentina says, biting her lip. 

“Not a clue.. And honestly, I don’t care.” 

Silence envelops them again. She thinks Juliana moves a little closer to her but then she thinks maybe she only imagined it. It’s a thought that, like nearly all thoughts relative to Juliana, has her body rebelling against her brain. Her fingers literally itch to reach out and take the girl’s hand again. 

“A week before I turned eighteen I ran away from everything I ever knew. I wanted to start over, but I didn’t know how. The only thing in my mind was just to leave… to go somewhere where no one would know me, where I could make my own mark, to be something other than “El Chino’s” daughter.” Juliana’s voice is firm though Valentina can hear the ache in it. 

“I couldn’t wait to be just Juliana Valdés. No prejudices, no legacy.. just me.” 

Valentina feels the words tug at her heart and she bites down on her bottom lip.

“That’s so brave of you,” she whispers as their gazes connect once again. 

Juliana’s brown eyes are wide and vulnerable, almost as if she allows Valentina to see inside her very soul. Valentina doesn’t know how to handle the gift. She wonders how long it has been since Juliana has allowed herself to open up, since she has let someone else bear her weight. A lump forms in her throat, and she suddenly feels like she can’t breathe.

“It wasn’t always this way,” Juliana continues quietly, the energy slipping from her voice and leaving it raw. “Dad and I were close when I was little. I told him more of my personal little things than I ever told my mom.”

She releases a heavy sigh and runs a hand through her hair. 

“Sometimes, when I think about that, I feel so guilty… because I never got to tell her how I felt about her. She was the most fantastic mom, and I loved her very much. She made my father a better person. But after she..” Juliana doesn’t finish her sentence and looks away. 

“His whole attitude changed, to the point I didn’t even recognize him anymore.” 

“What happened to your mother?” Valentina whispers, and she is surprised by how tight her throat grows in that moment. 

Her eyes prick with tears and her stomach clenches painfully. She doesn’t know if she’s ready for this, for whatever words will leave the girl’s lips. Juliana stills at her question and Valentina sees the way her body stiffens. It is enough to give away the answer, and Valentina thinks maybe she shouldn’t have asked at all. She is on the cusp of apologizing when Juliana lets out a long, heavy sigh. 

“She’s gone…” she breathes out. “She’s been missing for five years. I know she’s alive, I just know she’s alive.”

Juliana’s eyes grow distant for only a moment before she shakes her head, just slightly, and lets out a staggered breath.

“She went out one day on a small boat and never came back. We got the call from the rental place that the boat hadn’t come back. The police searched everywhere, but no one ever found my mom or the boat.”

Valentina’s chest aches with the knowledge, and she wonders how many goodbyes Juliana was forced to utter before she stopped holding hope in every hello. She swallows down the lump in her throat and whispers, “I’m so sorry, Juliana.”

And then she feels the girl’s fingers drift over the skin of her hand, tentative and uncertain, and she struggles to ignore the sparks shooting up her arm. Their fingers brush briefly in the small space between them and Valentina sighs when long, slender fingers ever so gently slide between her own. She somehow feels grounded and safe, and breathes a little easier. She stares down at their clasped hands and revels in the softness and warmth of the girl’s skin against her own. 

“She loved being out on the water by herself,” Juliana whispers, gazing out over the ocean. “Despite my pleading, she never allowed me to join her. It used to make me so mad.” 

Her voice sounds wistful and Valentina watches the girl’s features closely. Juliana is trying to put on a brave face, but she’s obviously upset. It makes her ache for the girl, for the way these memories now likely haunt her when they should warm her. 

“Sometimes, when I’m near the ocean, it’s almost as if I can feel her.. as if I can hear her voice above the slap of the waves.”

Valentina understands when Juliana closes her eyes and breathes deeper. She feels her words as much as she hears them. She thinks of her mother; she thinks of all of those nights she’d been searching for her in the waves, calling out to her as if she were still alive. 

“I know it sounds crazy, but..” Juliana’s voice trails off and she shakes her head again. 

Valentina moves a little closer and squeezes the girl’s hand to get her attention. Throat tight and eyes stinging with tears, she whispers, “It doesn’t..” 

The corners of Juliana’s lips curl up in a tiny, shy smile, and her eyes seem to glow in the dim light. She drops her head just a bit so that her hair falls over her shoulder, and Valentina finds it endearing and beautiful. Her stomach flips and a wave of warmth rolls out from the base of her spine to spread across her limbs. 

“She had the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard,” Juliana whispers after a moment of silence. “She used to sing to us every night.. and in those moments, my father seemed so happy and at peace.” 

Valentina feels her eyes sting with tears and she knows she will be unable to speak, so she just waits for the girl to continue. When Juliana looks back up at her, she looks so gut-wrenchingly sad that it nearly renders Valentina breathless.

“I miss her.. I miss her so much..” 

Valentina’s heart clenches so forcefully that it actually pulls a sound from her lips. She lets out a wheeze of a breath and then sucks another in as hard and fast as she can. 

“I know..” she chokes out, and she means it more than those two words can ever express. 

She moves to stand before the girl and her voice cracks when she presses their joined hands to her chest. “Believe me, I know…”

She lets out a quiet sigh as Juliana’s thumb swipes across her knuckles.

“My brother once told me..” she whispers, scrunching her eyebrows together. “And I think I’m starting to understand what he meant now.. He told me that pain is a part of life.. And that without pain, we wouldn’t be able to understand the depth of joy.”

“Depth of joy..” Juliana repeats the words like they’re some foreign language, almost as if she doesn’t understand the true meaning of those words. 

Valentina’s eyes prick with unshed tears as she watches the girl’s expression grow sorrowed and distant again. She stares out into the ocean while Valentina stares at her, and the silence that settles around them feels deeper than the ocean rocking and sloshing a few feet from them.

A wave of guilt washes over her when she realizes it’s partly her fault for making Juliana feel this way. She knows that holding everything in isn’t healthy, but Valentina, too, is guilty of bottling up her emotions, and she can’t help but wonder if she had done the right thing. What if she’d pushed her too far?

She desperately wants to lighten the mood, to make Juliana feel better, to see her beautiful smile again. She bites the inside of her cheek as an idea forms in her head, and she speaks before she fully realizes what she want to say. 

“What do you do for fun?”

Juliana seems as surprised to hear the question as Valentina was to find herself asking it, but her eyes soften and she shakes her head.

“What?”

Valentina isn’t sure if she should press the topic, but she wants to know, so she repeats her question. 

“What do you do for fun?”

Juliana looks at her in confusion by the sudden change of topic, but after a moment she says, “Well, I don’t know.”

She bites her bottom lip and seems to consider her words for a moment.

“I guess I like to swim.” It comes out as more of a question than an answer.

Valentina smiles and nods. “Okay, let’s go for a swim.” 

Juliana’s eyes widen almost comically. 

“Now?”

“Yes, now… we can both use some fun, don’t you think?”

“You’re crazy! It’s freezing..” Juliana exclaims, but Valentina can see the spark of thrill in her dark eyes and it makes her stomach flip. 

“Exaggerate much?” she teases, surprising herself with her sudden boldness. 

She takes a deep breath and moves in front of Juliana, not sure exactly what she plans to do when she gets there. She inches a little closer, grasping the girl’s hand tighter, and her blue eyes bore into Juliana’s. The hair on the back of her neck stands up, and the sensation of electricity overtakes her once again.

“We’re in Mexico, Juls..” she whispers.

The distance between them slips away, the air heating and sparkling with the tension that seems to be only theirs, and Valentina feels a tug deep inside her. It pulls her closer and she surprises both Juliana and herself when she leans in to press their foreheads together. 

She holds her breath when she hears the tiniest gasp from Juliana. She can feel the heat of the girl’s body burning through her clothes as they press close in the shadows of the night, their chests just barely brushing. 

She licks her lips before whispering, “Not in Antarctica..”

She gently wipes a stray lock of hair behind Juliana’s ear and Valentina gets stuck staring at the girl’s full lips. She want to kiss her. She wants to kiss her more than she’d wanted anything in her life. She wants to kiss her because she’s sure it’s the only way she’ll be able to breathe properly again. It surprises her, the sensation, but she doesn’t fight it.

She lets a silky lock of Juliana’s hair slide through her fingers before she whispers, “Live a little, Juls..”

She lingers only a second longer before she steps back, her eyes never leaving Juliana’s and the teasing smile never leaving her lips. Juliana blinks rapidly, and swallows before a near-blinding smile spreads over her features.

“Okay..”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and reviews. I hope you'll like this chapter. Please let me know what you think :)

Chapter 6

She lets a silky lock of Juliana’s hair slide through her fingers before she whispers, “Live a little, Juls..”

She lingers only a second longer before she steps back, her eyes never leaving Juliana’s and the teasing smile never leaving her lips. Juliana blinks rapidly, and swallows before a near-blinding smile spreads over her features.

“Okay..”

For a moment, all Valentina can do is stare, stare at those compelling dark eyes that seem to see past all the careful armor she had spent months constructing. Those beautiful, brown eyes that seem to just see her, really see her, for the person she truly is. It’s scary and thrilling, and she wants to lose herself in their depths. 

She can’t look away, she doesn’t want to look away. She wants Juliana to look at her in that way that makes her feel like she’ll never have to explain or excuse herself again. Valentina doesn’t know why she feels like she can be so vulnerable with Juliana, like she doesn’t have to hide the rawness swimming around inside her, like she can’t hide it. She thinks maybe that should mean something or maybe it already does.

And there’s that urge again, the one that makes her want to kiss Juliana so that she can breathe, but she bites it back because she doesn’t know what to do with it. Her mind is this whole new foreign territory she has yet to explore, and she has no idea where to start. She feels overwhelmed because there are so many possibilities and so many new impressions and feelings. 

She never looked at another girl in a sexual way before; she never even once considered the possibility. It’s all so new and unknown and confusing, and yet she can’t dismiss the little voice in her head telling her that maybe, just maybe, it’s the exact reason why she never really enjoyed both the sex and the intimacy with Lucho, nor with any of her previous boyfriends. 

She never cared much for sex; she didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. It was nothing like the movies or books. No fireworks. No belly flutters. No arousal in her core. Nothing. 

There had been so many times that she wondered if there was something wrong with her, because she was supposed to like it, right? But to be honest, her enjoyment wasn’t free and liberated, but rather passive. She felt bored and impatient to get it over with. She felt that sex was something she did more for Lucho’s sake than for hers. She never felt excited by him, not the way he seemed excited by her, with a fever of anticipation. 

It always felt more as if she were doing it out of obligation than true emotion. It made her feel numb and empty instead of alive and ecstatic. She even got to the point where she made up excuses to avoid having sex, and the few times they did have intercourse, she turned to alcohol to numb herself. 

On more than one occasion, she had wondered if there was something wrong with her body, because it never seemed affected by anything. She had tried everything with her ex-boyfriend Charles and with Lucho, and although they had touched her in all the right places, nothing seemed to affect her, one way or the other. 

Then, one night, she finally discovered that her body wasn’t to blame; it simply never received the necessary stimulation. She can still remember it vividly, the way her entire body responded with a whoosh of adrenaline and an accelerated heartbeat.

She’d been lying naked in her bed, her fingers stroking the wet warmth of her sex with lazy strokes. She’d never touched herself like that before, never felt such an overwhelming, aching need for more. It called to a craving inside her she hadn’t even known she had, and as she toppled over the edge into sheer bliss, she’d cried with physical exhaustion and mental relief. 

With this new knowledge, she’d tried even harder to open herself up and to feel something when Lucho touched her in a similar way. But still she’d felt nothing and it drove her insane. She’d considered breaking up with him, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. It wasn’t his fault, anyway. Maybe she just wasn’t made to enjoy sex with another person. 

But she couldn’t have been more wrong, because now, she’s starting to realize that she just never found the right person to explore her own needs and feelings with; someone with whom she connects on a deeper level, both physically and emotionally. 

It’s such a relief to finally know what it feels like to have butterflies flying around in her stomach, to finally experience what it feels like to be drawn to someone, to crave physical and emotional intimacy. 

She’d never believed in love at first sight, intense and all-consuming, or even lust at first sight. She’d never believed in the concept of soulmates. Love wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t spontaneous.. until now. 

Valentina inhales a shaky breath and embraces the feeling; she embraces this new perspective and all the possibilities that she has yet to discover. Somehow, it doesn’t scare her, in fact it excites her and it makes her feel more alive than ever before. 

She’s so lost in her own head that the feeling of fingertips suddenly brushing softly across her cheek complete startles her, and she blinks her eyes back into focus. 

“Where did you just go?” 

Juliana’s lips pull with a smile as her gaze dances over Valentina’s face. 

“Are you okay?”

Juliana’s fingers linger on her cheek for a moment before she slowly pulls away, leaving Valentina’s skin tingling in their wake. The heat of a blush replaces the tingling and Valentina bites her lip around a smile. 

“Yeah, sorry.. I’m okay,” she breathes out, because she can’t find the words to describe what she is feeling in a way that makes sense. She hopes Juliana gets in regardless.

“Okay, good..” the girl smiles and casts her eyes almost shyly downward, revealing her long lashes. 

Juliana’s shyness puts Valentina at ease because she’s not alone in this, they’re both nervous and a little awkward, and it’s a strangely soothing and liberating feeling. 

She watches Juliana for a second before mustering all her courage and reaching out her hand. 

“Come..” 

Juliana’s gaze darts between Valentina’s eyes and her outstretched fingers before she gently takes Valentina’s hand in her own. They share a shy, almost bashful smile and Valentina turns her palm to lace their fingers together. 

“Now, let’s have some fun,” she smiles and gently tugs on Juliana’s hand to follow her.

They walk down to the water’s edge where their feet sink into the wet sand. Valentina watches the waves rolling in in quiet laps and drifting back out, ever in motion. The moonlit water sparkles and extends as far as she can see, stretching out as if it knows forever. It makes her feel small and finite, a tiny piece of a giant world that could swallow her whole if she let it.

Juliana suddenly stops her with a tug on her hand and Valentina turns to look at her.

“Wait..” she whispers, looking down at herself before shaking her head. “I didn’t bring my swimsuit.”

“Me neither..” Valentina smiles and squeezes Juliana’s hand before releasing her. 

A small smirk graces her lips despite the slight pink of her cheeks as she slowly takes off her jacket. Her nerves are hot and alive beneath her flesh and she watches Juliana’s eyes widen in surprise. She throws the garment down onto the sand where it lands with a soft thud, and for the first time since seeing Juliana, Valentina remembers the flask inside her pocket. 

It’s the first time in what feels like forever, she doesn’t need alcohol to help her through the day. She doesn’t want to numb her senses; she wants to experience every single sensation she feels in Juliana’s presence. She doesn’t want muffle her feelings, she needs to feel real emotion again, even if it’s just for one night.

She takes a deep breath and unbuttons her jeans, one slow button at a time, pushing the fabric down to reveal her skin. Her movements are less fluid and graceful than she intends, because she can’t seem to stop her hands from shaking; her entire body feels like it is wound too tightly.

She looks up to see Juliana staring back at her with wide eyes, frozen in place and painfully beautiful. Her heart feels like it can’t quite find its rhythm all of a sudden, every beat feels out of place, and it makes it even harder to breathe. 

She quickly averts her eyes and kicks off her jeans, nearly losing her balance in the sand. She mentally scolds herself for the choked squeak that she doesn’t quite manage to prevent from escaping her throat. Her body floods with heat that she can feel burning her alive from her ears down to her toes, and she has the sudden urge to dive into the water to cool herself down.

Shaking her head in embarrassment, she pulls her top over her head, and then looks back to Juliana only to find her still frozen in place, lips parted, and eyes fixed on her body, now bare but for her underwear. She looks down at herself, mentally thanking herself for wearing her favorite set of lingerie; a black lace bra and matching panties. Her pale skin seems to glow in the moonlight and she feels Juliana’s gaze on her the whole time, causing goosebumps to erupt all over her body.

She’d never been particularly self-conscious about her body; she simply never cared enough before for such an emotion to be an issue. But everything is different now, because for the first time in her life, she cares. She cares what Juliana thinks, she cares about how Juliana feels, she just cares. 

And right now, she can’t help but wonder what Juliana is thinking of her. Does she think I’m pretty? Desirable? Am I good enough for her? Is she even attracted to women? 

Valentina draws in a shaky breath and brushes her hand through her long hair. She feels so vulnerable, so naked, but she straightens her spine and keeps her eyes on Juliana. Everything inside her feels too loud and too messy, too bright, too pulsing, too much, and all she can do is stand there, aching, trembling, existing. 

Juliana’s eyes are the darkest brown she has ever seen, glistening with intensity. She itches to say something, anything, because the silence is driving her mad, allowing her insecurities to grow and abound.

“So… are you coming?” 

It’s the first thing she can think to say that doesn’t have to do with how her heart is racing. The words seem to startle Juliana, her eyes blinking a few times before she nods her head. But she doesn’t move, she just keeps standing there, and Valentina suddenly realizes that Juliana might feel uncomfortable undressing in front of her. 

“I uhm… I’ll wait there, okay?” she quickly blurts out, pointing her thumb over her shoulder toward the ocean. 

Juliana nods and looks down, almost as if she’s embarrassed. Valentina’s chest tightens at the sight and she quickly turns around; the last things she wants is to make Juliana feel uncomfortable and scare her off. She lets her head hang for a second, her hair falling in front of her face as she tries to calm down her racing heart.

She inhales a few deep breaths and steps forward, her body almost aching with the growing distance between them. She wants to turn around so badly, but she doesn’t. When the water, cold and foamy, rushes up over her toes and the tops of her feet, she lets out a small gasp. 

She closes her eyes and welcomes the coolness on her skin even if it cuts off her breath. Her insides are bubbling, full and alive, ready to boil over with all the things that demand to be felt, to be said, to be shared. But she doesn’t know if she’s ready. 

She keeps her eyes closed for a long moment, listening to the unseen waves crashing, breathing in the cool salty air, and she finally manages to gain some control over her nerves. A shiver shudders through her body as the wind picks up speed, blowing her hair around her face. 

“Val…” 

Valentina has to strain her ears to be able to hear the girl’s voice above the wind and waves and she turns around to find Juliana as bare as she is, and then everything goes still for a moment; one heated moment in which the air seems to almost vibrate around them.

Valentina soaks in every inch that her gaze can rake over in a matter of seconds and she almost forgets how to breathe. With each new inch of bare flesh revealed, Valentina can feel her muscles tightening, her nerves igniting, her body throbbing. She knows she’s blatantly staring, but she can’t help it. Juliana is beautiful, and Valentina is breathless.

Her eyes linger on those prominent collarbones, the swells of Juliana’s breasts, and her stiff, pebbled nipples visible through her white bra. Valentina tugs her bottom lip between her teeth, trying to restrain the desperate need to reach out and touch the stunning girl in front of her. It’s such a new and overwhelming sensation, and she doesn’t know what to do with it.

When she finally glances up into Juliana’s dark eyes and finds the girl already looking at her, she feels more drunk than she can ever remember. 

“Juls… You’re so beautiful.”

Valentina bites her tongue the second the compliment escapes her, but it is too late to take it back. And maybe she doesn’t want to take it back, because she means every word. 

Juliana’s eyes widen and she smiles almost bashfully before stepping up beside her. 

“Thank you..” 

Juliana’s cheeks flush a little more and the warmness in her eyes makes Valentina feel overwhelmed. Her stomach flutters and her chest tightens, and then she feels it again, that almost magnetic pull towards the dark-haired girl beside her. 

The short stretch of empty space between them feels like a gaping canyon, and Valentina feels like she’s teetering on the edge. Tension pulls at her muscles, straining every inch, and her body moves of its own accord when she bumps their shoulders gently together.

“Are you ready?”

Juliana lets out a breathy laugh and Valentina doesn’t miss the way her gaze darts quickly down to her lips before snapping back up. It sends a wave of heat that itches as it spreads through her body. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” 

Valentina flushes and clears her throat, “Okay, good..”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very dear to me. I hope you'll like it and thank you so much for reading this story!

Chapter 7

“Are you ready?”

Juliana lets out a breathy laugh and Valentina doesn’t miss the way her gaze darts quickly down to her lips before snapping back up. It sends a wave of heat that itches as it spreads through her body. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” 

Valentina flushes and clears her throat, “Okay, good..”

They hold each other’s gaze for a few heartbeats before they both release a shy laugh. Valentina wants to reach out and take Juliana’s hand again, but she doesn’t have the nerve. Instead, she brushes a trembling hand through her own hair and forces herself to move away from the stunning girl beside her.

She tries to breathe deeply, tries to clear her head, but her heart is beating too fast and her breath is shallow and her hands are shaking. 

She doesn’t flinch but welcomes the feeling of the chilly water engulfing her heated limbs. Her bare feet sink into the plush, soft wet carpet-like sand, as though the ocean is pulling her in, just as it always does. She steps further into the water, deeper and deeper, and revels in the way her body finally manages to cool down, causing goosebumps to erupt over all over her skin. 

She’s out into the ocean until the water reaches up to her waist when she finally turns around. She has trouble keeping her balance, the waves crashing against her body, but she holds out her hand anyway, silently inviting Juliana in. 

“It nice!” she exclaims, hearing her teeth chatter from the cold, despite the heat sweeping through her body. 

Even in the near darkness, she can see Juliana clearly, her bright and wide eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Juliana smiles beautifully and shakes her head before she steps toward her, the waves crashing against her long legs. 

She moves gracefully through the water and Valentina finds herself momentarily entranced by the way Juliana’s hips sway with each step, glistening water drops adorning her flawless skin like diamonds. 

A strong gust of wind blows her hair freely and Valentina quickly brushes the strands from her face, not wanting to miss a single sight. Juliana bites her bottom lip when she catches her staring and it’s sexy. Valentina gulps as another wave of heat shivers through her, pooling low in the pit of her stomach. 

She allows her eyes to travel, slowly, over every inch of Juliana’s body. She’s extremely fascinated by the way her breasts rise and fall beneath their thin covering and her stomach muscles, already flat and toned, tighten visibly with each step she takes toward her. 

Valentina feels her heart rate quicken and her breathing change, her body responding in a lot of new and unknown ways. She places her palms on the water’s surface, as if to ground herself, and she finds herself holding her breath in anticipation. 

It almost feels like she’s floating, like suddenly the ground has shifted and tossed her free, and gravity refuses to pull her back down again. She wonders if this is what it feel like to be in love. She has no idea. She has nothing to compare it to.

No one ever made her feel this way before and she finally understands the meaning of “turned on.” It’s like Juliana has flipped a switch and everything inside her is more tuned in, heightened, on standby just for her. It’s scary, but it’s also incredibly thrilling. 

She snaps back into reality when a swift current tugs at her legs, pulling her off balance. It’s a pretty rude experience and she needs time to collect herself, but time is not on her side. She tries to regain her footing, but - as if the universe is trying to tell her something - the ground literally disappears underneath her feet when a particular high wave crashes into her back, causing her to tumble face-first into the gushing water.

The last thing she sees before she hits the water is Juliana’s face, her eyes wide open in alarm, her lips forming words she never gets to hear. She’s too late to close her mouth and jerks at the sensation of water covering her face and filling her lungs. 

Her heart races as she frantically reaches up and tries to orientate herself, feeling the current carrying her along, out of control. She’s flying, tumbling, unable to control her limbs. Her back twists around awkwardly as the water picks her up and slams her down again. 

She can’t see anything, can’t hear anything but the voice of the water. She can’t breathe, and she panics. She hardly knows what’s happening. She’s completely overpowered. 

The water isn’t deep but she can’t get her head above the surface as the currents underneath pull her in different directions. She has a sense of incredible speed, as if she’s caught on a roller coaster ride that’s whirling out of her control, and she has a sickening, nauseating moment to realize that if her head hits a rock now she will be in serious trouble. 

Her body switches into survival mode and her arms start pushing, her legs kicking frantically, but she’s nearly out of breath. Just when she’s sure she’s about to lose het consciousness, she feels two arms enfolding her and pulling her up. 

She comes up gasping and choking and coughing for air, her hands desperately grabbing the arms anchored around her waist. Juliana pushes her body fully against her back, as if trying to calm her down, and Valentina slumps against her. She coughs and gasps for breath, spluttering and ejecting the water from her lungs. 

She can feel her body shaking uncontrollably and her pulse is beating so hard throughout her body it’s overpowering. Juliana doesn’t flinch when Valentina digs her nails into her skin to anchor herself. 

“Calm down, Valentina. Breathe..” Juliana repeats right next to her ear, like a mantra. 

Valentina focuses on Juliana’s voice and with a tremendous amount of will, she slows breathing. It’s the only act to do to help her body compose itself. The difference is small at first, but soon she regains herself. 

She leans back into Juliana’s body, allowing her strong, steady heartbeat against her back to sooth her. She closes her eyes and revels in her touch, almost making her forget why she ended up in the girl’s arms to begin with. 

The waves gently sway them back and forth, rubbing their bodies together in a way that makes her feel almost breathless. A warm shiver of awareness courses through her from her head all the way to her toes and she’s suddenly hyperconscious of not only Juliana’s body, but of her own. 

The buzzing feeling in her chest. The tingling sensation in her skin. The slight quickening of her breath. She’s hyper-aware of every place their bodies touch, each passing caress causing a tiny surge of pleasure, like a pulse of electricity.

A hot curl of desire starts at her belly and spirals outward in a thrilling rush; into her arms and legs, her fingers and toes, and some very interesting and wicked places in between. 

Valentina sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and arches her neck a little, unintentionally brushing their cheeks together. Her breath hitches in her throat and she has no idea what to do; her brain doesn’t know how to function when she can feel the soft warmth of Juliana’s body against her own. 

Maybe she should pull away, maybe she should stop this, whatever this is, but the feeling to be hold by Juliana is intoxicating and the kind of drunk she feels right now is richer than any alcohol could ever make her. 

Besides, Juliana makes no move to pull away either. Instead, she nuzzles her cheek lightly against Valentina’s and moves her arms a little around her waist before a warm palm flattens over her stomach. Valentina’s mouth drops open in surprise and she’s pretty sure her heart stops.

Juliana turns her face slightly and Valentina feels her lips ghosting her cheek when she whispers, “Are you okay?” 

She shivers and places her hand on top of Juliana’s, pressing it harder against her skin. She grits her jaw against the sharp wave of heat that pools low in her stomach and she nods her head, because she’s pretty sure her voice won’t work anyway. 

Juliana lets out the softest of sighs and nuzzles her nose against her cheek and Valentina can’t help but to think that this, all of this, feels so incredibly surreal. This sort of moment, this excitement and comfort feels like a dream, and she has this tiny bit of fear in the back of her mind that, at any moment, she is going to wake up from this. But Juliana doesn’t drift away. She doesn’t disappear. She remains solid and steady. 

Her stomach quivers when Juliana’s thumb gently strokes her heated skin, sending shivers of anticipation through her. She didn’t think that she’d get so much arousal from something so simple. She didn’t know that she’d feel so much from this kind of stimulation. It overwhelms her in a way that makes it difficult to breathe. 

The urge to touch Juliana, beautiful Juliana, is nearly overpowering. Her body’s reaction scares the life out of her, but for once, she wants to face her fears, because she’s even more terrified to lose the building tension between them. She wants to take things further and she wants everything Juliana is willing to give her. 

Her left hand reaches up behind her and finds the back of Juliana’s neck without really thinking about it, pressing their cheeks tighter together. She rests her head on Juliana’s shoulder and gently brushes her hair at the nape of her neck. The waves continue to sway them back and forth, their bodies brushing together in the darkness. 

Valentina nuzzles her face closer to Juliana’s and she doesn’t miss the slight hitch in her breath. Their mouths are so close that Valentina can feel the girl’s breath fanning against her skin, and if Juliana hadn’t been holding her so securely, her legs surely would have buckled out from under her.

She can practically feel the energy building between them, reaching a critical level. She knows that if she doesn’t back away soon she might do something she isn’t sure she’s allowed to do, like throw her arms around Juliana’s neck and kiss her. 

“Val..”

Juliana’s voice is questioning and Valentina waits for whatever it is but the question never leaves her lips. She hears the girl’s breath deepen, her pulse quicken to keep in time with her own frantically beating heart. It’s frightening and exciting and arousing all at the same time. 

She holds her breath in anticipation, and when Juliana slowly pulls away from her, Valentina almost whimpers in protest.

The sudden loss of body heat causes a chill to run down her spine and she wraps her arms around her stomach, inhaling a shaky breath. She feels so strangely overwhelmed that she doesn’t know what to do. She rubs her forehead and shakes her head. She hides her face because she’s sure she’s going to cry and she doesn’t understand why. 

Juliana slowly moves in front of her, the water rippling around her, concern flickering in her eyes.

“Val? What’s wrong?”

Deep brown eyes search her face before Juliana slowly lifts her hands from the water, wet and dripping, and gently runs them over Valentina’s hair, brushing her wet locks from her face. Juliana’s gaze moves over her features like a slow caress and Valentina holds her breath when she feels her fingers, warm and sure, settle on the back of her neck. 

“Are you okay?” Juliana asks again, and Valentina’s heart feels like it is trying to pound its way out of her chest.

She feels the girl’s thumbs rubbing warm circles just below her ear and in kind of a daze she whispers, “Yeah, I’m okay..”

Blinking her eyes back into focus, she finds Juliana’s gaze burn right into her. She shivers involuntary and her heart hammers with need, need to be close to this girl, as if she isn’t complete without her. She tries to focus on Juliana’s eyes and not on her lips, but it’s hard, really hard.

They stare at each other as the silence seeps in around them and begins to grow. Tension builds and sparks until Valentina aches with it, until her fingers are physically itching to touch the girl in front of her. 

And when she can’t stand the silence any longer, she buries her face in her hands, suddenly too nervous, too overwhelmed. She shakes her head to force away the feelings she can’t ever seem to stop. Her neck and cheeks flush with heat but when she looks up at Juliana and sees her still staring at her, something bubbles up from deep inside and Valentina explodes with laughter. 

“Thank you for saving me, Juls.” she breathes out through her laughter. “I’m such a klutz sometimes, I swear. I must have looked ridiculous.”

When a small smile escapes Juliana, Valentina revels in it. She revels in the feeling of laughter bubbling up from her belly and spilling through her lips. For all the embarrassment she feels at what just happened, it all disappears when Juliana’s eyes soften and her fingertips brush her hair, tucking it behind her ear. 

“You’re a pretty klutz, so it’s okay.” Juliana laughs and she winks cutely. 

The sound of her laughter chokes and dies in Valentina’s throat. She can barely summon her voice so she ducks her head and bites her lip around a smile. The words sear into her skin and something shifts inside her. She’s so full with this night and with this moment. She aches because she feels more alive than she can ever recall feeling in her life. 

“Are you cold?” Juliana asks quietly, her hands now rubbing up and down Valentina’s arms. 

Valentina shakes her head, her heart fluttering in her chest. She glances up and catches Juliana gaze. Her eyes are soft, sincere, and Valentina watches as they flick back down to her lips.

“No,” she whispers.

Juliana is quiet for a long moment, her gaze boring into Valentina’s like she wants to bury herself in the blue, and Valentina holds it. She doesn’t let her gaze waver or fall. 

“But you’re shaking..” 

Heat pools in her cheeks when Valentina licks her lips and whispers, “Yeah, I know.” 

Juliana’s eyes widen momentarily but then her lips pull up with an almost shy smile, and that draws a smile to Valentina’s mouth as well. 

“Oh… Okay..” Juliana chokes out and she seems so hesitate for a moment before she slowly pulls her hands away. 

Valentina bites her lip at the way Juliana’s cheeks flush pink, at the way she visibly swallows. She’s beautiful. Her dark eyes are so clear that it forces a gulp in her throat, and once again she gets stuck staring into them. 

There isn’t much space left between them and again, she feels the overwhelming, magnetic pull toward the girl. She moves before she even realizes what she is doing, her body jerking her toward Juliana as if by instinct and she places her hands on the girl’s arms only to feel that she is trembling. 

Valentina squeezes gently before running her hands up and down the lengths of her arms, watching Juliana’s body relax with each stroke. 

“Your skin is so soft..” she whispers in wonder and Juliana’s lips curl into a small smile.

Valentina takes a deep breath to control her nerves and reaches up to touch Juliana’s face. They stare into each other’s eyes as Valentina traces the lines of Juliana’s face, from her temples to her cheekbones, letting her fingertips trace the edge of her jaw, the dimple in her chin, the line of her neck, until they land on her shoulders. 

Her movements are tentative and careful because she doesn’t want to scare her. She wants Juliana to be able to tell her to stop because she knows she’ll never be able to make that choice on her own. But Juliana doesn’t say anything, she merely stares at her with something akin to awe. 

Valentina brushes her thumbs gently over her skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. She almost can’t believe that her touch affects Juliana so strongly and it’s a strangely addictive feeling. She just can’t help herself. She never wants to stop touching her. She wants to explore every inch of Juliana, she wants to give her every part of herself. She never wants these sensations to stop.

In the meantime, Juliana seems to have stopped breathing all together. She blinks a few times, then smiles shyly under her touch. Valentina gently squeezes her shoulders and she feels Juliana shudder. Her stomach flutters with butterflies when she notices Juliana’s cheeks turning a pinkish shade in the dark. Her long lashes flutter and her full lips part slightly. Her brown eyes are wide and vulnerable, almost as if she allows Valentina to see inside her. 

Juliana reaches for her almost timidly, like she is afraid Valentina might disappear if she touches her. Valentina leans into the touch, unable to help herself. The tension in her body is drawn so tight that she has to resist the urge to allow her spine to bend and bow forward, to press their bodies together.

Juliana touches her like she is uncharted land, precious and new and alive. Her gaze traces every inch, her eyes always open, absorbing. Her hands over her hair, neck, shoulders, arms, settling on her hips.

She doesn’t miss the hitch in Juliana’s breathing when she moves closer, causing Valentina to shiver with the soft collision of their bodies. Their eyes remain locked together in an embrace of their own, until Juliana’s gaze drops to her mouth. Valentina’s lips tremble and part on a breath and she’s quivering with need. She knows they’re nearing a line she isn’t sure they should cross, but she’s too far gone now. 

Juliana’s lips are the most tempting part of her beautiful, stunning face, and Valentina can’t stop looking at them. It sends a jolt of longing, sharp shards of fear, and a heavy heat of desire, chasing each other through her body. Warning bells go off in her head that’s she’s pushing too much, but she can’t stop herself. She doesn’t want to stop herself. She may never get this chance again. 

And when Juliana leans in to press their foreheads together, it’s about as much as Valentina can take. She swallows and she’s pretty sure her heart stops. They take it in turns glancing at each other’s mouths and she feels so nervous when Juliana nudges their noses together. 

Her breath catches when brown eyes search hers. Anticipation buzzes between them like an electric, live wire, and Valentina takes hold of Juliana’s shoulder to steady herself. 

“What are we doing?” she whispers, letting her mouth drift over a warm cheek and a sharp cheekbone.

Juliana’s hands squeeze at her hips, tightening like she might slip away any second. Her nose rubs against Valentina’s, a gentle press, and then she whispers, 

“I don’t know..”

She sucks in a shaky breath before she continues. 

“But I don’t want to stop. This is the best I’ve felt in a long time.. And I just want to hold onto that feeling..”

Valentina stills at the words and she locks eyes with Juliana in the dark. She feels those words in every part of her, knows they could have bubbled up through her own lips and been just as true. It makes her heart swell and hammer heavily against her ribs. It makes her ache in all the best ways.

“Do you want to stop?” Juliana whispers, and Valentina feels the heat of her breath against her lips.

“No, I don’t want to stop, either.” she whispers, and there is something comforting about sharing this with Juliana.

Juliana swallows and then her smile is brighter than the sun. Her eyes crinkle at the edges, her dark lashes accentuating the brown, making her look even more beautiful. 

“Good.”

That single, small word is enough to reach in and pull all her aching, needing, wanting pieces straight to the surface, and Valentina dips her head down, drunk with the feeling, and rests her forehead on Juliana’s shoulder. A quiet sigh pushes free as Juliana brushes her fingers through her hair and down the back of her neck.

Valentina pulls Juliana closer, slipping her arms more fully around her and hugging their bodies tightly together. She buries her face in Juliana’s hair and breathes in her scent. She closes her eyes because everything about this moment and this silent embrace and their bodies partially bare and flush together feels so incredibly good. 

The contrast between the cold water and Juliana’s heat pushing against her front is overwhelming, and Valentina wants more. She needs more. Her hands shake against Juliana’s bare back and she presses them down harder to steady them. 

Juliana’s embrace is gentle, but the longer they hold each another, though, the tighter Juliana’s grip becomes and her heart hammers against Valentina’s chest. Her breaths are heavy like she’s desperate for this connection, like she’s starved for this type of affection, and she can feel her own heart throbbing in her throat. 

She holds Juliana tightly, but it still doesn’t feel like it is enough. There is something so captivating about the way Juliana clutches at her, and Valentina is overwhelmed by it. She doesn’t question this bizarre storm of affection in the middle of the night, but simply runs her hand down Juliana’s back and then up again. 

They remain that way, in silence, until Juliana slowly pulls herself from their embrace until she can look Valentina in the eyes. She cups her face like she is something fragile and precious, worthy of a tenderness that she never experienced before, and Valentina feels it everywhere. 

Juliana keeps her hands on her cheeks for a moment, staring deep into her eyes. Her lips quiver like she’s searching for something to say, but no words come out. It’s hard to breathe with the way Juliana is looking at her and Valentina suddenly can’t handle the miniscule space between their bodies.

Her eyes drop to Juliana’s lips and back to her eyes. She studies the girl’s face for a long, slow moment before she swipes a thumb over the swell of her bottom lip. Juliana takes a trembling breath and it encourages Valentina to continue. She brushes the pad of her thumb across her lip again, enjoying its satiny texture, the slight moisture at the corners. What would it taste like if she followed that seam with the tip of her tongue? 

She looks up into Juliana’s eyes again and the lust pooling in her dark gaze drives Valentina to the edge of her control. Her breath hitches and she leans forward to press her forehead against Juliana’s. Their breathing is heavier than it should be, hard and shallow. Juliana just stares at her, eyes roaming her face so intently that a flush begins to creep up her neck and onto her cheeks. She fights to remain still when their noses brush together. 

For a moment, they simply breath each other in, their mouths only inches apart. She’s never done anything like this before with a girl, and Valentina almost wants to stop when she remembers that. She almost wants to stop and then she feels Juliana’s breath against her lips, and she forgets it completely.

The air seems to crackle around them, pure electricity, and the wind blows their hair around their faces, as if hiding them from prying eyes. Valentina sees Juliana’s eyes flutter closed before a warm, trembling hand cups her cheek and soft, gentle lips finally press against hers. 

Valentina’s lower lip trembles as it melts between Juliana’s and they are so soft, a feather-light brush against her own, gentle as falling petals. It’s tentative, sweet, purposeful, and promising, and when their chests press together, static and warm, a ripple of thrill shoots down Valentina’s back and pools at the base of her spine. 

She doesn’t move, afraid this moment will end, afraid that if she stops touching Juliana, she’ll awaken and realize this was all just a dream. It’s the most wonderful panic she’s ever felt. But when Juliana doesn’t move away, she presses her lips more firmly against Juliana’s. She doesn’t open her mouth, merely increases the pressure, and breathes shakily through her nostrils. Her skin feels electric.

She reaches up, brushes her hands through Juliana’s hair, and cups her jaw. The touch almost sparks, and her fingers pulse for a moment before settling on Juliana’s cheek. With infinite care, she lets her lips linger against Juliana’s, moving slowly, gently, barely brushing her sensitized skin. Juliana’s lips move to match hers. Exerting pressure, then releasing. Nothing, nothing, has ever felt so good, so true, and she knows that what she’s doing is right. 

Their touches are timid, but eager, needy and wanting but still slow and respectful, and everything is an exploration. Every hair on her body stands in goosebumps and she feels long lashes flutter against her cheeks. 

A wave presses their bodies closer and it makes Valentina ache in ways that she has little time to process before Juliana opens her mouth, just enough to wrap more fully around her bottom lip.  
Her whole body is shaking, and Valentina has to stop herself from pushing forward, seeking pressure. She’s never wanted anything so bad in her life; her body waking as if from a dreamless sleep. All she feels is quiet relief, she never wants to kiss anyone else ever again.

They break apart slowly, but stay close, with Valentina struggling to bring herself back under control. The kiss lasts only a minute, but she knows she’ll treasure that minute for the rest of her life. Juliana’s dazed eyes follow her lips. Her pupils are dilated but her eyes are warm. Warmer than Valentina’s ever seen them. Juliana’s looking at her like she’s the only thing that she’ll ever be able to focus on.

For a long moment, they’re simply breathing each other in and pressing together in whispers of kisses. Their arms settle around each other’s waists and Valentina thinks it cannot possibly get any better than this. But then Juliana kisses her again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your views and kudos :) I love them!
> 
> This is Juliana's POV.
> 
> I hope you'll like it!

Chapter 8

Juliana shivers when Valentina’s hands settle on her shoulders, her thumbs gently trailing along the hollowed curves of her collarbones. The warmth of the contact seeps into her bones and her heartbeat feels oddly powerful in her chest, the blood pounding in her head like a bass drum and sending a prickling warmth all the way to her fingers and toes. She’s sure Valentina can hear it this close, but she doesn’t care.

A heavy silence settles between them as the waves continue to sway them gently back and forth in place. Valentina’s gaze darts over her face, back and forth between her lips and her eyes, and when something deeper and darker flashes across her beautiful features, Juliana can feel a flush of heat spreading from her neck down her spine. 

She’s never been one for nerves before, in fact, she was almost convinced she didn’t have them. But the twisting, fluttering in her stomach that she feels right now, it needs a name and the only thing she can think to call it is nerves. 

Valentina’s hands are so incredibly soft, and her touch so tender and delicate, that it makes her ache in a way that pulls tears to her eyes. She blinks to stop them from falling and when their gazes connect once again, Valentina looks at her with so much care, her eyes so vibrant blue and too tender for someone who’s only known her for a few days, Juliana almost doesn’t know how to deal with it. 

She isn’t used to being treated like this, and she’s certainly not used to being touched like this; like she matters, like she’s actually wanted, and it feels more precious than anything before. It ignites something within her that she didn’t know existed. 

A shy smile slowly grows over her features, feeling a wave of wonder wash over her so powerfully that it must shine out of her face, but she doesn’t mind. She wants Valentina to know how good she makes her feel. She bites her lower lip and lets out a quiet, shaky breath. 

Suddenly she’s scared, really scared, because it’s almost too good to be true. It’s scary how strong her newfound hope is, because she shouldn’t be able to connect like this - so unrestrained, so freely, so willingly - and certainly not with a girl. It shouldn’t be possible. 

And yet, here they are, drawn together like magnets, craving each other’s presence. There’s a palpable tension between them and it envelops them, forcing muscles to tighten and breaths to stay trapped in lungs. 

Valentina’s looking at her like she’s the most precious thing in the world and Juliana almost wants to pinch herself to make sure it’s real, because Valentina defies all the laws of nature she believed to be true. Valentina doesn’t envy her, doesn’t judge her; instead, she appears to be completely immune to her powers. 

And it scares her because it changes everything; it changes her whole perspective on life. It scares her because it’s something she can’t control, it’s something that has the potential to affect her in ways she can’t possibly foresee.

Things used to seem so clear and predictable to her; things were either black or white; people were either good or bad, boys loved her and girls hated her. It had always been that way, so she’d assumed it would continue to be that way. But there’s something in the air; a shift, final, irrevocable, and it makes her second-guess everything she thought was true. 

The thought scares her, but not nearly as much as Valentina scares her. Everything about the stunning girl in front of her scares the hell out of her, including the way she touches her in the dark, and the way she feels under her gaze right now. She’s terrified because she never wants to lose this feeling; she never wants to lose the intimacy and the connection between them. 

She doesn’t know if she can go back to the way things were before; she doesn’t want to retreat into her protective shell she lived in for years. It’s like she’s been asleep for the past few years and now she’s finally awake. 

She snaps back into the present when Valentina’s fingers gently squeeze her shoulders and Juliana instantly relaxes into her touch. There’s something in it that reassures her. An anchoring. Her concerns leave her lips in a sigh and the world seems to narrow around them.

Juliana bites her lip and can’t think of anything else to do than reach up and push the hair from Valentina’s eyes again, the urge to touch her simply too strong to resist. Valentina sighs at the contact and leans into her touch. There’s awe to her expression that makes Juliana feel cherished and important. 

She allows her fingers to explore Valentina’s skin, every inch of it, tracing the lines of her face, down her neck, over her shoulders, gently brushing the birthmark on her right shoulder. Her touches are feather light, yet they seem to leave shimmering sparks across her smooth and milky skin. 

She slowly looks up into Valentina’s eyes and allows her gaze to reveal every single emotion she’s feeling right now. She needs Valentina to feel this undeniable, hopeless affection inside of her. She needs her to be aware of it and know it’s there and that she can have it. 

Valentina’s eyes burn into her and there’s something so incredibly pure, so sensitive, and so genuine in her gaze that makes Juliana feel extremely privileged to be on the receiving end of that deep blue stare. 

Their eyes remain locked together, wondering, hoping, and the longer she hold her gaze, the more Juliana finds herself drowning into ocean blue depths so warm, so magnetic they spark a fire through every inch of her body. It’s such a stark contrast to the cold, fresh sea air against her skin, and the chilly water lapping against her waist, that it leaves her dizzy.

She fights to pull in air as she stands on shaking legs, and gently presses her palms against the smooth flesh on either side of Valentina’s spine. Her fingers spread out over the silken expanse of her back. They move of their own accord along the length of her torso, up across the ridges of her shoulder blades, back down to the long valley of her spine, coming to rest at her waist. 

The blood is rushing in her ears, a pounding, thunderous sound that drowns out everything except for the shallow breaths her lungs manage. Her hands tremble as they settle on Valentina’s hips to pull her closer, and when their skin touches and rubs together, Juliana lets out a shaky sigh and melts. 

The human contact after feeling alone for so long is intoxicating on its own, but to have it be Valentina’s body against hers, is almost too much for her to handle. 

They take it in turns glancing at each other’s mouths and it’s like the last few minutes never happened because Juliana still feels nervous when she nudges their noses together, her breath still catches when blue eyes search hers before whispering,

“What are we doing?”

Valentina’s lips ghost against her cheek and the little electric shock that jumps between them crackles in her chest. She leans into the touch and a barely audible hum of pleasure vibrates in her throat. 

Juliana tilts her head a little and brushes her cheek against Valentina’s, velvet warm skin, pulls away, and brushes against her cheek again, sighing at the contact. She trails her fingers over the swell of Valentina’s hips before nudging their noses gently together again. 

“I don’t know.. But I don’t want to stop. This is the best I’ve felt in a long time.. And I just want to hold onto that feeling..”

The words are spilling out of her lips before she has time to think them through. Valentina pulls back a little to rest their foreheads together and Juliana feels blue eyes sear into her, leaving her body aching and quivering. 

She focuses on Valentina’s face, watches the way that her eyes close and her lips part as she exhales a shaky sigh. The air between them feels heavy, feels hard to pull into her lungs and she’s intensely aware of the way Valentina’s muscles flex and release beneath her touch. 

Her eyes drop to the gorgeous, full and tempting lips so close to her own before she looks up to find blue eyes already on her. The desire is plain on Valentina’s face, even more obvious in the weight of her trembling body against her own, but she needs to know for sure. 

“Do you want to stop?” she whispers into the quiet, losing her breath.

Valentina’s forehead rubs against hers when she shakes her head, her blue eyes focused on Juliana’s lips that are a breath away.

“No, I don’t want to stop, either,” she breathes out. 

The words dig down deep, burrow in and take hold with a fierce grip and an even fiercer hope. She actually wants this, and Juliana gasps in the truth of that realization when Valentina reaches for her hips and guides their bodies together. She needs this as much as herself, and Juliana can’t stop the wide smile from spreading across her face.

“Good.”

Valentina returns her smile, forming a dimple in her cheek, and she looks at her so longingly Juliana almost has to look away. But Valentina beats her to it, because she dips her head down to rest her forehead on Juliana’s shoulder, her warm breath tickling her skin with each exhale. 

Juliana closes her eyes and tangles her fingers in Valentina’s hair on the back of her neck, breathing in the salty scent lingering in her damp waves. She revels in the way their chests press together as she runs her hand up and down the warm length of Valentina’s back. 

Valentina moves even closer and squeezes around her in a soft hug, nuzzling the tender spot just below her ear, causing goosebumps to erupt over her entire body. Juliana’s trembling like a leaf and a current races from her scalp to the base of her spine. Her throat, suddenly so very dry and tight, seems to close up completely. Just like always with Valentina, she feels so many things at once, and she doesn’t quite know how to handle them.

Once again she feels the urge to cry, to pull Valentina even closer and never let go. Her heart pounds with the ferocity of an animal raging against the confines of a cage and every cell in her body is screaming: a desperate plea to never leave her alone again, a vow to let nothing separate them, and something akin to a love confession. She’s terribly confused just about everything yet wanting it all at the same time.

She moves before she knows what she’s doing and slowly pulls herself from their embrace so that she can face Valentina fully. She reaches up and gently cups Valentina’s face between her hands, her gaze darting between her eyes and plump lips. It occurs to her that she’s holding her breath. Has been for the last several seconds. 

Valentina swallows and stares back at her intensely, drinking in every feature, before her gaze settles on her lips. Heat pools low in her stomach and Juliana can’t help but pull in a heavy, shaky breath. She doesn’t know how to deal with all the powerful sensations pulsing through her body, resulting in an unfamiliar throbbing between her legs. 

A sudden chilly breeze arises and sends a shiver down her spine, but when Valentina’s thumb touches the center of her bottom lip, a fierce and all-consuming heat rushes through her body like living fire, leaving her almost gasping for air. Her knees buckle and her heart hammers against her ribs. 

It’s almost too much for Juliana to handle; the overwhelming rush of adrenaline, the electricity crackling between them, but most of all the pull that calls to her whenever Valentina’s near. 

Her hands fall away from Valentina’s face and settle on her shoulders, holding tight to anchor herself, and she watches the girl’s lips part on a shuddering breath as her intense blue gaze follows the trail of her finger along the curve of her bottom lip, setting her skin on fire. 

Juliana can almost see Valentina’s pupils widen, slowly absorbing the blue, and it leaves her breathless. Her lips tremble beneath Valentina’s touch and she fights the sudden urge to part her lips and to run her tongue across the pad of her thumb. 

It’s a feeling she doesn’t know what to do with, just as she doesn’t know what to do with the heat of desire building inside her. 

She almost whimpers in protest when Valentina pulls her hand away slowly, never moving her eyes from hers, and Juliana is more than aware of the tingling in her lower lip where her soft and slender finger had just been.

The next thing she knows Valentina moves closer again, and she hears her breath hitch before she leans forward to rest their foreheads together. Juliana keeps her eyes open and traces Valentina’s face, committing every inch of it to a picture in her mind. 

She can almost taste Valentina’s lips as they hover just inches from her own, and it’s like she’s breathing in a drug; the air rushes into her lungs and spreads an intoxicating warmth through her veins, making her feel lightheaded. She’s more than a little surprised at the heavy, pure want deep in her chest. 

She watches Valentina’s chest rise and fall, feels her exhales ghosting over her face as long fingers splay across her back, nudging her a little closer. Juliana stares at those beautiful, full lips once more before she closes her eyes and reaches up to place her trembling hand on the girl’s cheek. 

The pull is too strong, too urgent, and she smooths her thumb over Valentina’s cheek before she finds herself leaning in, placing a soft kiss on her lips that burns with tenderness and adoration and gentle hunger, and Juliana gasps at the butterflies in her stomach, still unexpected and new.

Valentina’s lower lip melts between her own and she sucks in sharp breath through her nostrils, an aching pull in her lower stomach making her press closer to Valentina. Their lips slowly slide together and she doesn’t know what she expected, but.. God, her lips are so, so soft. She’s so, so gentle. The touch is almost feather-like. It’s exhilarating, and her skin burns when long, slender fingers land on her cheek, angling her face slightly to press their lips more fully together. 

It’s so much more than she ever imagined or fantasized about; the heat pounding low in her stomach and between her legs feels like it’s going to catch fire and burn her alive, even though she’s standing waist down in the water.

She leans more fully into Valentina’s body when a wave pushes against her back and she feels the girl’s nipples harden against her skin. A shudder courses its way down her spine and Valentina’s hands thread into her hair with a shaky desperation.

Juliana parts her lips slightly and catches Valentina’s bottom one between her own, lightly sucking it, and she braces her hand around her neck to pull her further in. Valentina sinks into the kiss with a shudder and Juliana finds herself wanting more, needing more to quell the fire within her. She wants to explore Valentina in every possible way. 

It scares her to death at the same time it exhilarates her and suddenly she’s overcome with too many feelings and the intensity of the moment. She pulls back and is immediately taken aback by the way she wants to lean in and kiss her again. Instead, to quell that feeling, she leans her forehead against Valentina’s and bites her lip.

Valentina’s blue eyes are practically black with how blown her pupils are, and her lips are puffy and red and so, so pretty when she tears her mouth away from Juliana’s to lock her gaze with hers. They keep their foreheads pressed together and try to breathe in the inches between their lips. 

There’s a moment where Juliana’s not really sure where she is, as though she’s floating above herself on a cloud of utter bliss. The dim glow of the moonlight gives off just enough light to illuminate the darkness of Valentina’s eyes and she looks at Juliana like she’s a vision that may disappear at any moment.

Valentina’s gaze is too much. Too overwhelming, too tender, too much of everything, and Juliana’s breaths come in shudders when she leans in and captures Valentina’s lips again. She nearly whimpers at her own lack of control and at the way Valentina immediately allows her access. They meet in a breathy kiss, the full lengths of their nearly bare bodies rubbing together.

What had begun as tender, hesitant kisses and touches, turns more frenzied now, emotions taking over and heat running through their veins, fire at every contact point between their bodies. Juliana’s breaths come fast and hard through her nose as Valentina’s tongue swipes across her lower lip, silently seeking entrance, and she doesn’t even think when she opens her mouth, letting Valentina slide her tongue in.

There is a fire burning in her lower belly every time Valentina gently meets her tongue with her own; a fire that only grows when warm hands slide down her neck, her shoulders, her hips.

“Tell me if you want to stop..” Valentina breathes into her mouth as her hand tentatively caresses Juliana’s stomach, inching higher, unsure, shaking. 

Juliana doesn’t have enough willpower to stop her. She doesn’t want to stop her. If anything, she wants her to go on and on until there’s nothing between them but sighs and lips and tangled limbs. It should scare her. But right now, all she can think about is Valentina’s naked skin on her own, and she finally allows herself to let go and accept this feeling of pure desire that arises in the pit of her stomach. She allows it to wash over her in waves, leaving her a breathless mess in Valentina’s arms.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait.. But hopefully this chapter will make it up to you.   
> Please let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading my story :)

Chapter 9

Juliana’s hand is warm on her cheek, almost feverish, its heat seeming to spread throughout her entire quivering body. Their lips slide together and it’s so gentle and soft and yearning and heart-wrenchingly tender that it makes Valentina want to cry. 

She squeezes her eyes shut harder and absorbs as many sensations as she can, trying to imprint every last one on her mind to remember always. The softness and warmth of Juliana’s skin beneath her palms is a feeling she never wants to forget; how unbelievably good it feels to be able to hold her and to feel those warm and soft lips against her own. 

But it’s just a kiss, right? Then why does it shake her to the very soul of her being? It doesn’t make any sense, because she’d been kissed before. After all, she and Lucho had been together for years, so of course she’d experienced a great many kisses. 

And yet, nothing, absolutely nothing in her previous experience had prepared her for the magnitude of her own pleasure, as if what she’d experienced before were not kisses, but fumbling attempts at kisses. 

She doesn’t know how to deal with the explosion of sensations throughout her entire body; the aching heat coiling deep inside her, the dizzying sense of urgency, and the almost primal need to lose herself inside of Juliana. To feel her without censure, to experience the undeniable heat and passion that flares between them.

These new, intense and all-consuming feelings scare the hell out of her. Juliana’s closeness feels intoxicating; the mere sight of her sets off butterflies in her stomach. Valentina’s body seems to crave her, desperately, almost like a hunger. And she knows, she just knows, it’s not only a kiss. It’s so much more and she feels it everywhere; her heart nearly jumps out of her chest with how fast it’s beating.

They don’t drag their mouths away from one another, each kiss melding into the next, while Juliana’s warm and gentle hand moves over her back, feeling like velvet on her skin, raising goosebumps in its wake. 

She’s still nervous, but only a little. This is connecting with Juliana on a whole different level, and she’s letting her do this. Juliana’s here, willing and quietly eager, and Valentina almost doesn’t know how to handle this precious gift. 

All her senses are hyperaware and Juliana’s lips are warm and so very soft against her own. There’s a spark running between them everywhere they touch, skin on skin. It all feels surreal and right and a lot and Valentina never wants it to stop.

She presses closer to the girl, closer, until there’s not an inch left between them, but it still feels like it isn’t close enough. She wants to feel Juliana, all of her, fully, with all of herself. She craves her touch and touching her return. 

Her hand moves from the back of Juliana’s neck to cup her cheek and she gently pulls Juliana’s bottom lip between hers. She sucks on it lightly and Valentina doesn’t anticipate the reaction it stirs inside her; a sudden passion she doesn’t recognize. Because Juliana is making the smallest, most precious noise in the world and Valentina doesn’t know how to handle it. 

Their lips part for half a moment, a shivery breath escaping Valentina’s parted lips, before she leans in again, aiming for that bottom lip again. Juliana kisses back harder every time Valentina presses forward, and she can’t stop herself when she gently swipes the tip of her tongue across Juliana’s lower lip, silently seeking entrance. 

Her breathing quickens when Juliana’s lips part against hers, their tongues meeting tip to tip, sliding together, then parting again to explore farther. Juliana sighs into her mouth and her body shudders against Valentina’s, their tongues sliding together in a way that leaves her breathless. It’s gentle, yet shockingly passionate, and it demands to be felt.

Valentina pours her affection for Juliana into the kiss and pushes against her mouth, needing to know that she understands. Juliana’s response is immediate. She kisses back just as fiercely and her hands shake just the smallest amount as she tries to pull Valentina closer. She doesn’t stop dragging her fingers up and down Valentina’s spine, sending ripples of sensations in their wake.

They break for air just long enough for Valentina to turn her head and kiss her again, deeper, more passionate, but tender, too. Juliana’s tongue tangles with hers again, teasing it, stroking it in wet, velvet heat. She fights to pull in air through her nostrils, unwilling to part their mouths for even a second, chasing the contact when Juliana pulls back to change the angle of the kiss. 

Valentina wants to touch her everywhere. Wants to feel every inch of Juliana’s skin on her own. Wants to cover every inch of her body in tiny little kisses. Every time she thinks it’s impossible for her to want Juliana more, but she’s proven wrong when Juliana trembles against her lips, when she pulls away to search her eyes with her own wide ones and then dives right back in.

Valentina slips one of her hands between their bodies and splays her long, slender fingers over Juliana’s stomach, inching higher, shaking, feeling the girl’s muscles twitch beneath the glide of her palm. She’s not sure if the nerves running through her body are her own or a reflection of Juliana’s. Could be a combination of both. 

Nevertheless, her lips are confident and sure in their movements, their tongues dancing together. Juliana angles her face slightly and deepens the kiss to the point where she can’t breathe, and it’s a kiss that Valentina knows she’ll be thinking about for the rest of her life. 

She’s so caught up in it that she doesn’t really notice that her hand traveled further up Juliana’s stomach until her fingers brush the underside of a warm, soft breast. They share the same gasp of awareness and Valentina’s hand freezes against Juliana’s heated skin.

For a moment she’s afraid she’s crossed a line, but Juliana’s lips never leave hers and trembling hands grasp at her sides as their pelvises brush together, increasing the delicious friction between them, bringing forth another explosion of feelings. 

“Tell me if you want to stop..” she hotly breathes into Juliana’s mouth. Her throat feels dry, all moisture having long since fled for other parts of her body. 

Instead of answering Juliana arches into her touch, causing Valentina’s hand to slip a little higher, trapped between their tightly-pressed bodies. Her breath hitches when she realizes her palm is now cupping the rounded underside of Juliana’s breast and she releases a shaky exhale against the girl’s mouth. 

Her fingers twitch, purely reflex, but it draws a quiet sound from Juliana. She’s pretty sure her cheeks are bright red; her face feels blazing hot. But she wants all this and more, for as long as she can get it. It’s exciting, it’s thrilling, but it’s also terrifying, because she’s never done anything like this before. 

She doesn’t know what to do; this is so far out of her experience that she doesn’t even know where to begin. All she knows is that she wants to learn every inch of Juliana’s body, she wants to touch her everywhere, she wants to make sure that Juliana knows how desperately she wants her, desires her, craves her.

Valentina feels the hint of blunt nails raking over her skin, the unsteady breath Juliana lets out when she changes the angle of the kiss, but most of all she feels the warmth and weight of Juliana’s breast against her palm. Her fingers itch to explore more but her hands won’t stop trembling and she can’t get herself to move. 

She’s suddenly overwhelmed by all of it and slowly pulls her lips away to rest their foreheads together. Juliana chases her mouth before releasing a shuddery sigh into the few inches of space between them. Valentina sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and takes a moment to collect herself. 

The tips of her ears burn, but the awkwardness she ought to feel at her touch never arises. Not when Juliana’s staring at her like that in return. Pupils dark and wide. Lashes fluttering as her eyes rake over Valentina’s face, settling on her mouth for the span of a few heavy seconds before drifting back up to lock onto her eyes. 

They watch one another through lidded eyes for a long moment with a quiet sort of awe. Juliana lifts a hand to sweep some of the hair off Valentina’s temple, tucking the errant strands behind her ear, and the intimacy of the gesture, the way Juliana blinks back at her slowly, has Valentina swallowing against a dry lump in her throat. 

A gentle wave pushes them closer together again and it makes Valentina acutely aware that her hand still covers Juliana’s breast, making her gasp in realization. She presses her lips together and tries to ignore the heavy throb of arousal that makes her squeeze her thighs together beneath the water. 

She’s never been with another girl before and she’s certainly never touched another girl like this. It’s all so new and so overwhelming. It’s Juliana, and her, and them, and her mind is bursting with questions and the most shockingly explicit thoughts. 

How her fingers drag-

Valentina only has time to suck in a quick breath before Juliana’s mouth finds hers again, before her lips are parting under the drag of Juliana’s tongue, and all she can do is sink into it and the heat of the girl’s body. 

Despite her lack of experience, she acts on instinct, inching her trembling hand higher until her palm covers the soft roundness of Juliana’s breast. Both give a quiet, shuddery gasp at the contact. She’s hyperaware of the nipple poking through the girl’s bra into her palm, rapidly hardening beneath her touch, although she hasn’t really done anything to warrant it. 

She gives a light, experimental squeeze and Juliana’s breath pitches up slightly. She feels the girl’s fingers dig into her skin, pulling her closer, causing heat to pool low in her stomach, throbbing in the strange, new way that’s becoming all too familiar. 

She skims over Juliana’s breast, rolling a stiff nipple against the palm of her hand through the thin material of her bra, pulling a shivery exhalation from Juliana. That noise, small as it is, sends another jolt straight to Valentina’s groin.

With her newfound courage she raises her other hand to Juliana’s chest as well and she cups both swells in her hands and kneads; lets her fingers trace around the stiff buds of her nipples before trapping them between her fingers until Juliana’s panting quietly under the attention. She’s so warm, skin feverishly hot against Valentina’s palm.

Their kisses grow longer, heavier, fuller. Whenever one retreats, the other chases. As if neither can stand another second without this contact. Valentina sucks on Juliana’s bottom lip, gently drags her teeth over the swell of it, before soothing with a sweep of her tongue. She feels Juliana’s intense shudder through every cell of her own body and it makes her want to pull her even closer, to feel every inch of her without barriers. 

She silently curses the flimsy material of Juliana’s bra, desperate to touch her bare skin, and it takes all of her self-control to refrain from reaching behind the girl to unclasp it. Instead she allows her hands to explore perfectly shaped breasts and she must be doing something right because Juliana arches even further into her touch. 

Before Valentina’s even fully aware of what she’s doing, she showers feathery kisses on Juliana’s cheeks, nose and chin. And when Juliana tips her head to allow her greater access, she ghosts her lips along her jaw, savouring the quiet little intake of breath it earns her. 

She nips at the curve where Juliana’s jaw meets her neck; feels the slight leap of her pulse under her parted lips. She dares to latch her open mouth to the tender skin there, barely any pressure at all, and the slow tease of fingers down her spine has tingles erupting across Valentina’s skin. Her lips blaze a trail back up the side of Juliana’s neck, finding their way back to her mouth, kissing her full and deep. 

She almost doesn’t recognize herself, so desperate to touch Juliana, so passionate and responsive, acting on an primal instinct she didn’t even know she possessed. 

She feels Juliana’s hands quiver against the low of her back and Valentina pulls back to look at her. Brown eyes finds hers and her gaze is laced with nervous reverence and longing and something she can’t quite catch before it’s gone. No one’s ever looked at her the way Juliana does. And there’s no one else she wants to look at her like that.

The moment stretches until Juliana’s gaze dips, fastening on Valentina’s swollen mouth once more. They gravitate to each other, a fleeting brush of lips and noses, until the distance vanishes to nothing and they’re kissing again. Tentative then growing bolder, deeper, heavier as Valentina’s fingers softly squeeze her breasts again, paying extra attention to her perfect, taut nipples.

Juliana pushes herself further into Valentina’s hands, the arch of her back bringing their lower bodies into intimate contact has Valentina almost choking. Juliana’s legs are parted just enough for Valentina’s knee to nudge between them. She feels rather than hears Juliana’s little intake of breath. Then Juliana’s hips shift slightly and Valentina has to choke down a moan when the heat of Juliana’s center sets her skin alight. It’s such a stark contrast to the cold water that envelops her skin just inches away.

She didn’t know it was possible, but Juliana’s nipples harden even more against her palms and she lightly flexes her hips forward, seeking more contact. The flimsy barrier of Juliana’s underwear does nothing to hide her arousal beneath the cold water and Valentina feels a rush of heated moisture gathering between her own legs. 

The rational part of her brain tells her they need to stop, put the brakes on this before they do something they both might not be ready for and she has to fight the urge to press her thigh forward, to seek out more contact, to relieve some of the building pressure. 

But in the next moment, Juliana’s hands splay across the small of her back before she inches them down the curve of her ass, gently squeezing the soft cheeks between each palm, and Valentina’s knees buckle, her thigh flexing and unintentionally pressing up against Juliana’s center once more. 

God, she’s so hot, so desperate for her, and Valentina can feel her control slipping away when Juliana’s hips grind down into her in response. She’s acutely aware if the wet, hot press of Juliana’s sex against the bare skin of her thigh, and it’s all so intimate, so overwhelming that she can’t draw a breath. 

Blunt nails dig into her flesh and Juliana presses herself tightly against her, beginning a slow, grinding motion. Valentina’s body instantly responds, angling her leg up to meet the slippery glide of Juliana’s body. Their kisses become more urgent, their nostrils flaring, the heat between them intensifying. 

The water sloshes between them and Valentina’s head spins when a warm thigh nudges between her own, when Juliana guides her hips to press her body down on her thigh. Valentina bites back a moan as pleasure surges through her veins, her clit throbbing at the contact. A fresh wave of moisture settles between her legs and she feels the shuddery intake of Juliana’s breath in response. 

And suddenly Juliana’s hands are everywhere, and Valentina writhes under them, already on edge, knowing she doesn’t need much to tip over. This – Juliana’s body against her own, her hands grasping, kneading as she slowly devours her- she never wants to lose this again. She can’t lose this again. 

It’s overwhelming how close she is to falling apart from the mere feeling of belonging to her in this way that’s almost primal. Her arms wind around the girl’s shoulders as she clings to her, hips rolling to find relieving pressure. The only possible thing to do is to feel, and so she does, grasping at Juliana as she rolls her hips in time with their quickening pace.

It’s an unexpected whimper from Juliana that forces Valentina to either slow down or take this much, much further. She chooses the former and it takes all of her willpower to break the kiss. She rests her forehead against Juliana’s and takes a step back to put some necessary distance between them, because she can’t think straight, can’t get enough air into her lungs. 

Valentina closes her eyes for a few seconds. If she keeps them open to see Juliana looking so undone, eyes half-lidded and still staring at her mouth, she won’t be able to resist kissing her again. She takes a deep breath and licks her lips. She needs a moment to breathe, to calm her frenzied heartbeat and she lowers her hands, gently grasping Juliana’s hips to ground herself. 

She allows the lapping sound of the waves to soothe her and shivers when a cold gust of wind brushes against her back. It somehow clears her mind and allows her to breathe easier; the ocean always has a calming effect on her. 

When she finally opens her eyes, she’s bracing herself for.. well, she isn’t sure. Not this, anyway. Not Juliana staring at her, quiet and curious, wide eyes darting between her own. Their eyes are so connected and intimately immersed in one another that it makes Valentina’s heart squeeze every few beats. 

The moment stretches, taut like a piece of elastic that’s going to ping back and snap Valentina in the face at any second. Juliana’s eyes flit between her own, a tiny crease forming between her brows, looking at Valentina like she’s trying to solve a puzzle. Juliana studies her face for what feels like an endless moment, and it looks like she wants to say something. Whatever it is, she seems to reconsider.

Valentina’s heart is in her throat and a wave of anxiety flows through her stomach and up her chest. A few moments ago she’d been aroused, excited, and now… Now, she’s nervous again. It’s giving her a whiplash. 

Did she push too far? Too fast? Too soon? Did she push Juliana beyond the point of no return? She should have controlled herself. But how? Something about Juliana’s touch and presence simply made her lose all control. 

“Valentina, I-” Juliana whispers before she stops herself. “We..”

She halts again, visibly swallows, and pushes a hand through her hair. Valentina watches Juliana take a step back and the sudden loss of her body heat causes a chill to run down her spine, leaving her dazed and dizzy.

Juliana’s deep brown eyes search her face as if she’s looking for something and whatever’s going through that beautiful head of hers, she appears to come to a decision. Valentina knits her hands together to stop them from shaking. It’s an odd mixture of dread and adrenaline that’s coursing through her body. 

“We should.. we should slow down..” she whispers, a hint of defeat in her tone that manages to dig its way into Valentina’s heart.

Valentina never related to anything more, she thinks. She’s almost scared, if she’s being honest. It almost feels like they are leaving this behind, all of this; the intimacy and confessions and acceptance. What if it all goes away?

Juliana’s eyes flit between her own, searching, and Valentina feels herself nodding and she doesn’t understand why. The sudden tightness is her throat makes it difficult to swallow. 

“Yeah,” she breathes out and runs a shaky hand through her hair. “Yeah, you’re probably right..”

The flurry of nerves in her stomach only intensifies when Juliana’s mouth twitches, and she sees the way her expression falls in the half second before she composes herself. Silence reigns for the stretch of a few seconds, although it seems like much longer, before Valentina gathers the courage to ask, “Are you okay? Did I.. did I make you uncomfortable?”

She clenches her fists again to stop them from shaking. She can’t do anything about the way her voice wavers but she’s determined to get the words out before she loses her nerve. 

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t want to push you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.”

Juliana’s eyes widen and she shakes her head. 

“No.. No, you didn’t push me...” Juliana reaches for her hand and Valentina’s surprised to feel trembling fingers closing around her own. “I’m fine.”

Juliana’s shaking just as hard as she is and it causes something to unfurl inside her chest. The urge to fold Juliana into her arms is strong but she refrains, waiting for Juliana to go on, but she looks away again, blowing out a rough breath. 

Valentina gives a light squeeze on the girl’s fingers and it brings brown eyes back to her. 

“You’re sure?” she whispers carefully.

Juliana pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and nods her head, lashes lowered. Her voice is quiet, unsure as her words leave her mouth.

“Yes.. I mean.. I’m a little nervous because I’ve never..” 

A helpless, slightly frustrated look flits over her features, as though she isn’t sure how things got so far off track when they were making out only minutes ago. She dips her head and even in the dim moonlight Valentina can see the hint of a blush on her cheeks. 

“I’ve never done this before.” It’s soft and shy, and Juliana gives a tiny, self-conscious shrug but doesn’t look away. “I’ve never done this before with a girl.. A woman. Not with anyone..” 

Valentina blinks in surprise and stares at Juliana for a moment, mouth hanging open and eyes growing by the second. Did she really just say-

“What do you mean? Not with anyone?” The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them and she can’t help the smile that spreads across her face. “Are you a virgin?” 

“Don’t laugh,” Juliana exclaims and gently slaps Valentina’s shoulder, which makes her smile even more. 

Juliana groans, running a hand down her face. She ducks her head to hide her smile and tries to pull back her hand, but Valentina grips her even tighter to keep her in place.

“Don’t make fun of me, Val. I don’t-”

“No!” Valentina quickly interrupts her, gently squeezing her hand. “I’m not making fun of you, I promise. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

She waits for Juliana’s eyes to meet her own and gives her a reassuring smile, taking in the girl’s flustered appearance.

“Juliana, believe me, I would never make fun of you.”

The slow blooming smile she gets in response makes her chest feel like it might split open. Like her rib cage can’t possibly accommodate the way her heart seems to have grown a few sizes in the past few seconds. 

Juliana continues to look at her with that vulnerable, gentle spark in her eyes that sets off butterflies in her stomach and Valentina’s smile fades gradually. She worries at her bottom lip, eyes once more darting between Juliana’s. She isn’t sure how to put into words the feelings she doesn’t understand that well herself yet. 

She swallows, her eyes never leaving Juliana’s. “I’ve never felt like this before..” 

The way Juliana’s thumb starts to draw circles on her knuckles is shaky, unsure. Part of her wants to gently cover her hand with her own, show her that it’s okay, and she never, ever has to be unsure. But another part of her is still scared of scaring her, so she doesn’t move. She can’t shake the feeling that this is a perfect illusion, and it’s going to shatter soon.

“I’ve never done anything like this before either...” she softly confesses. “Not with a woman, I mean.”

Surprise, confusion and a flash of awareness cycle through Juliana’s expression, forehead crinkling into a frown. 

“But… you’ve been..” Juliana shakes her head, as if frustrated at her inability to explain herself. “I mean.. Have you never been in love?” 

Valentina sighs and brushes her hand through her hair, a nervous smile tugging at her lips. 

“I’ve dated a few boys and I’m not exactly a virgin..” she says softly, the relative calm of her voice wholly at odds with the way her heart is hammering in her chest. “But no, I- I’ve never been in love.” 

“But..” Juliana starts and it’s careful, slightly hesitant. “Not even your boyfriend?”

“Lucho?” she laughs, shaking her head. “God, no.. I don’t know why I kept taking myself through all the drama. Maybe because I deluded myself into thinking that one day my feelings would change. But they didn’t.”

It somehow feels liberating to say the words out loud, to come to terms with her feelings and to acknowledge them. The pinch between Juliana’s brows gradually smooth out, brown eyes softening as they regard Valentina.

“And for the record.. he’s my ex-boyfriend.”

Juliana smiles almost bashfully and a tug on her hand brings Valentina closer. An arm winds around her waist and Valentina’s own wraps across Juliana’s shoulders. The intimacy, their proximity, the smile that’s taken up residence on Juliana’s face, makes her heart thud faster. That smile is so insanely attractive, Valentina can’t even begin to articulate all the fluttery, squirmy feelings it gives her. 

“No one affects me like you do.” The words tumble out of her mouth before she can stop them.

Her gaze sweeps across Juliana’s face, over the tempting curve of her swollen lips, before drifting back up to her eyes again. Juliana stares at her with something akin to wonder and it makes her heart trip.

“Then why did you stop?” 

Valentina sucks in a tiny breath and wets her lips, takes another gamble. 

“I didn’t want to. Obviously. God, I didn’t want to. But..” she says, holding Juliana’s stare, letting the words hang, as if she’s sharing something of vital significance that she needs Juliana to understand.

“You make me question myself. The kind of life I wanna have.. who I wanna share it with.“ She carefully takes Juliana’s face in her hands, smoothing her thumbs over her cheeks. “I don’t want to rush things.. I don’t want to rush you.”

Something flashes through Juliana’s eyes at her words, and she looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. Instead she surges forward, gently pressing her lips to Valentina’s.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your support :) I love to read your thoughts.

Chapter 10

[Valentina: 01:10 am]  
Would you think I’m weird if I told you something? 

Valentina nervously paces back and forth in her room, biting her thumb, and her heart races as she types out another message. She takes a deep, shuddering breath to try an calm down. She thinks she’d better stop while she still can, but that’s the thing. She can’t. It comes pouring out of her, and she’s helpless to stop it. 

Her fingers hover over the screen of her phone, suddenly more self-conscious than ever, but she presses the send button before she loses her nerve. 

[Valentina: 01:11 am]  
That I’m missing you already? That I’m thinking of you? 

Her mind immediately flashes back to earlier that night and she can almost feel the gentle pressure of Juliana’s lips on her own again. She closes her eyes and lightly touches her lips, a vivid image of Juliana’s gorgeous face flashing behind her closed eyelids, causing a wave of heat to spread through her veins. 

She bites her lip on a smile and shakes her head, pressing her hand against her forehead. “Oh, Valentina..” 

It’s too much, too intense and she lets herself fall face first onto her bed with a laugh to cover the way her heart flutters; her stomach twisting in nervous, almost giddy anticipation. She’d never been this forward, this open about her feelings with anyone in her life and it makes her feel extremely vulnerable. It’s pushing at her boundaries of her natural reserve. Then again, every moment she spends with Juliana seems to blur the edges of what she thought she would and wouldn’t do. 

She quickly sends another message before she stretches out her arms over her head and buries her face into the cool sheets. 

[Valentina: 01:12 am]  
Silly, I know. Anyway, I just wanted you to know. 

She inhales the scent of her freshly washed sheets and squeezes her eyes closed even tighter. Her room is quiet except for the faint ticking of the clock in the hallway, taunting her, because how can time move so fast and so slow? She spent three glorious hours in Juliana’s presence, and all she could think was that she never wanted this night to end. 

But now, all alone in her room, time can’t move fast enough. Every second away from Juliana seems like a minute, and every minute feels like an hour. She wants to be able to move forward through time, just to be close to her again. She feels a surge of longing- a craving so strong she has trouble breathing. 

Is this what love feels like? But how do you know you’re in love? The thought flashes through her mind over and over again. She’s no expert, but perhaps she has something that resembles an answer to that question. Maybe. Maybe you know when you can’t stop thinking about her, no matter how hard you try. When you can’t stop wanting her, can’t stop missing her.

You know, because you’re chest flutters so bad and you never want it to stop. You know, you just know when you’d give up everything just to be able to see her again

Well, maybe that’s not how you know you’re in love, but Valentina doesn’t really have anything else to compare it to. She’d never felt any of these things with Lucho and maybe it makes her a terrible person, but her past feelings seem so bleak she wants to laugh at how blind she’s been this entire time. 

The buzzing of her phone snaps her out of her thoughts and she quickly swipes her finger across the screen. She doesn’t realize she’s holding her breath.

[Juliana: 01:14 am]  
If that’s weird, then I’m weird too…

A wide smile erupts over her face and she bites her tongue in an attempt to hold it back. The words wash over her with surprising force, shaking her to her core. Her heart stutters, first with hope, and then with the kind of nervousness reserved for getting everything you’ve ever wanted, but almost seeming too good to be true.

She rereads Juliana’s words a few more times and her face starts to hurt from smiling so widely. She brushes her hair out of her face and leans on her elbows as she types a reply. She has to retype her words twice to get it right because her hands won’t stop shaking.

[Valentina: 01.15 am]  
I like weird..

It’s not like she expected Juliana to express her feelings so freely. She just wanted to say it out loud. To put it out there, for Juliana to know. That’s why her mouth hangs open and her heart beats faster when Juliana’s response comes almost instantly.

[Juliana: 01.15 am]  
Me too.. 

These two words seem so, so small, and yet they convey infinitely more meaning than meets the eye. They cause a spontaneous explosion of joy, spreading through every cell of her body. They feel so significant, so big, so…. intimate. And it once again reminds her that intimacy is so, so much more than just sex. Every word, every look, every smile, every touch feels like a gift that’s nothing short of divine. 

Valentina closes her eyes briefly, shaking her head with a chuckle. She swears she could go mad with happiness. It’s so unfathomable to her. She never felt this kind of connection with anyone. Ever. It’s like all those books and movies, and now it’s happening to her. 

It’s crazy, but she misses Juliana so much even though it’s only been an hour since she’d seen her. It doesn’t make sense. It’s like someone tells you not to think about it, and it becomes the only thing you can think about. It turns out it’s difficult to make sense when she’s happy and excited and almost painfully wet and terribly confused just about everything yet wanting it all at the same time.

Valentina rolls onto her back and stares at the ceiling, her body buzzing with the kind of desire she’d never known before. She bites her bottom lip and puts away her phone on the nightstand. She knows she should get some sleep, but she’s too energized. 

She considers her options. Sleep seems impossible. She could just stay up for another few hours, finish her homework, and then head to school. Or, she could stay in bed and… relieve some of the tension in her muscles. The thought makes her blush and she wipes a hand down her face. 

“Oh, Valentina, pull yourself together..” she mumbles in the quiet of her room. 

She lets her eyes drift closed, but the inside of her eyelids are burning with the image of Juliana’s face. Her treacherous body instantly responds to the image with a fresh wave of heat between her thighs. She sucks in a shuddery breath and feels her fragile self-control slowly slipping away. She knows there’s really only one way to be able to get some sleep.

She trails her fingers along her inner thighs, causing her heart rate to speed up the way it did a few hours ago. She gently lets her hands explore with just enough contact to raise goosebumps and enhance the sensitivity of her skin, enough to make her body ache for more touch. 

She glides her hands up and down her body, her thighs, her stomach, her breasts and across her neck, the feeling of desire rising hot and fast from deep within her. It’s been a while since she touched herself like this. More than half a year. It feels much, much longer than that. 

She brushes her hands under her top, roaming over the curves of her breasts, rolling against the hardened tips of her nipples, gently but firmly, and all she can do is arch her back and moan at the delicious friction. 

She imagines Juliana features, illuminated by the moonlight, its shadows accentuating her high cheekbones and the intense expression in her eyes. She shouldn’t. She really shouldn’t. But the more she repeats that to herself, the worse it gets. Images of Juliana in the dark slide into Valentina’s mind; images of her kiss-swollen lips, her perfect skin covered in goosebumps beneath her touch. 

Her fingers flex against her breasts and she wonders how Juliana’s hands would feel touching her like this. A ragged breath falls from her lips when she squeezes, just slightly, barely, but it’s enough to send an electric jolt to her core. She strokes, tentatively at first, focusing on the way it echoes in her clit, before pinching her nipples between her fingers. 

Images of Juliana’s pressing close come next. It’s not just a visual fantasy, Valentina can see her half-lidded eyes, she can feel Juliana’s body heat and taste her breath mingling with her own. Lying in bed, she can feel Juliana close and the rush of that is intoxicating. 

Valentina lets out a shaky exhale and bites her lip, before she allows her fingers to slip beneath her panties. She gasps when she feels just how wet she is- she didn’t even know it was possible. She squeezes her eyes closed and the next image is of Juliana’s lips, swollen and slightly parted. She’s looking up through thick lashes with a darkness in her brown eyes, tongue running over her lower lip before she closes the inches between them. 

Valentina sucks in a breath and lets it out in a long, shuddering exhale. Her imagination is running wild and she moans in relief when her finger trails through her folds, but she doesn’t go inside just yet. She likes to be teased first, just a little. 

She likes it when she circles her clit with the very tip, and she likes it when she flicks it up and down, with increasing pressure. She likes it when she finally pushes into herself with two careful fingers, letting herself adjust and making her feel deliciously filled. 

She arches her back, gasping. She imagines Juliana’s hand between her legs, her fingers buried deep inside her, showing her galaxies she never even dreamed of. Her slender fingers curl inside her, pleasure is spreading through her body, the waves more and more powerful, and Valentina feels herself clench around her digits almost constantly now. 

She arches and rolls her hips in time with her quickening pace. Tiny beads of sweat form on her upper lip and her hair clings to her burning cheeks and forehead. She’s never been very vocal during sex but now she can’t seem to stop the flow of gasping moans as she comes, her back arching off the bed before slumping back down, wave after wave of pleasure crashing over her body.

She shudders with aftershocks and gently slides her hand out of her underwear, her body too sensitive. A satisfied, almost wondrous smile forms on her lips. She never had an orgasm like that in her life; one that crept up from the toes like silk-dipped fingers. It’s another thing she had never even dared dream of. 

Ever since meeting Juliana, her world had changed in so many ways, she sometimes felt like she was in one of those movies where someone’s soul gets transplanted into another person’s body. All her senses are acutely alert, interior walls of resistance down, the universe open. Colors are brighter. Music is more beautiful. She feels her own being expanding, almost as if she’s becoming a whole new person. 

She places her hand over her heart before her whole body jerks at the sound of her cellphone ringing. She reaches blindly to the nightstand and without conscious thought, without bothering to open her eyes, swipes her finger across the screen. 

“Hello?” She sounds out of breath. 

“Val! Why won’t you answer my calls? I’ve been trying to reach you for days!”

“Lucho?“ Valentina sighs heavily into the phone and shakes her head. “It’s after midnight..”

“I don’t care what time it is! Why won’t you see me?”

Valentina groans and mentally scolds herself for picking up her phone without looking at the display. She can’t handle this right now. Not while her body is still recovering. 

“Lucho, please..” she sighs, pushing herself up on her elbow. “You saw me a few days ago and I’ve said all there is to say. It’s over between us.” 

There’s a beat of silence from his end of the line, as if he’s searching for words.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t seen you in weeks!”

Irritation flares in Valentina’s chest and she heaves a sigh of impatience.

“Come on, Lucho, don’t play dumb with me. I’m really not in the mood for your games.”

“I’m not playing dumb! We haven’t seen each other in over a month, because you keep pushing me away.” He sounds angry, impatient. “I know that you’re depressed, but-“

“I’m not depressed!” Valentina nearly yells. She bites her tongue to compose herself. “Lucho,” she forces out. “Why can’t you just accept it’s over?”

She’s gone from fiery to exhausted in half a second. “Like I’ve said at the beach, I don’t want you to wait for me. I want you to move on.”

“You don’t-“ he cuts himself off and swears under his breath. “The beach? What do you mean at the beach? I haven’t been there in ages. Why would you make up something like that?”

Valentina presses her lips together to maintain her last thin shred of patience. This conversation is soon spiraling out of control and she’s too exhausted for a battle. But before she can respond, Lucho continues. 

“Have you been drinking again? It’s clearly affecting your brain.”

Her first instinct is to scream. His words hurt. And she has difficulty not letting that hurt guide her. It’s like there is an ice cold hand around her heart, squeezing and squeezing until she’s left gasping for breath. And there’s something in the air; a shift, final, irrevocable. Her blood runs cold before it boils, and there’s a strange, unpleasant taste in her mouth. 

“What’s wrong with you, Lucho? I’m not making it up! You ambushed me at the beach! You-” 

“You really should get some help, Val, because your condition-“

Valentina hangs up before he can finish the sentence. She boils with fury and disbelief. But there’s something else underneath. Something uneasy, restless gnawing at the back of her mind, making her think about Lucho’s words again and again, looking for something she’s not even aware of.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your words and support :) I hope you'll enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 11

Valentina had never been a morning person and even less so now that she’d developed the habit of wandering around at the beach until far into the night. But today it’s even harder than ever and if it wasn’t for the fact that she hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol she’d suspect she had a lingering hangover. 

She slowly walks down the stairs and finds her breakfast prepared, as usual. She takes a seat at the large table and glances around the spacious room, sighing into the silence. The morning sun streams unrestricted through the large windows and it’s way too bright for her liking. The room somehow feels smaller today, stuffy. She tugs at the color of her shirt but there’s not enough air circulation to do any good. 

She takes a careful sip of her hot coffee and closes her eyes, humming in appreciation. She mentally thanks whoever invented coffee, because it’s the only thing that’s keeping her awake right now. Leaning back in her chair, she combs her fingers through her hair, smoothing out the tangles. She tries to relax into the soothing motion, but to no avail, because Lucho’s words keep resounding in her head, haunting her. 

‘The beach? What do you mean at the beach? I haven’t been there in ages. Why would you make up something like that?‘

‘Have you been drinking again? It’s clearly affecting your brain.’

She buries her face in her hands and takes a deep breath to clear her mind. It doesn’t help. She still feels so utterly confused and humiliated. She can’t wrap her head around his words because they don’t make any sense at all. What could he possibly have to gain by lying? Then again, what could he lose? 

She hates Lucho for messing with her head. She hates him for being able to affect her so strongly. She hates him for ruining her good mood last night. She just hates him. 

She was supposed to feel good. Thrilled. Excited. She was supposed to be pinching herself and unable to believe that this was really happening to her. Because for the first time in what feels like forever, she has something to look forward to. Or rather, someone. A girl who makes her feel alive in a way she never has before. But her senses seem to have dulled ever since Lucho’s phone call, and she wonders if she can get those sensations back. 

And maybe, just maybe, there’s some truth in his words after all, because she’s aware of the symptoms of depression. Extreme happiness quickly turning into sadness or anger, an inability to concentrate.. But she quickly brushes that thought aside, mentally cursing Lucho for putting that thought into her head. 

Valentina jolts when a voice cuts through the silence, causing her heart to trip. 

“Good morning, little sis!”

She whips around in her seat and a wide, toothy smile cracks across her face. “Guille! You’re back!” 

Valentina jumps up from her seat and throws her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. She closes her eyes and inhales his familiar scent, a feeling of relief spreading through her body. The vise binding in her chest begins to loosen and Valentina takes what feels like the first breath since she’s entered the room.

“You’re back..” she whispers again and tightens her hold around his neck. “How was your trip?”

Her brother hugs her back just as tightly and presses a kiss against her temple; the tickle of his beard brushing against her skin. 

“Good, just got back this morning.” 

Valentina smiles as he pulls back to look at her, his brown eyes warm with affection. The sun has tinted his skin a deepening brown and he looks a lot better than the last time she’d seen him. The lines of pain and worry had eased and for the first time in months his eyes hold a little of their usual sparkle again. She wonders if they will ever be able to go back to being happy. 

“How are you doing?” he asks, smiling his crooked smile. 

“I’m fine..” she replies automatically, then trails off, realizing that actually, no, she’s not alright. But now’s not the time to have that conversation, so she tries not to linger on that thought. She wants to hold on to the feeling of peace and gratitude for having her brother back. 

So instead she smiles and says, “I’m really glad you’re back. ”

Guille’s mouth curves into a grin and he touches the tip of her nose the way he used to do when they were kids. “I’ve missed you too, sis.” 

She briefly hugs him again before she takes his face between her hands, the bristles of his beard soft against her skin. “Come here, let me look at you.” 

He sighs dramatically behind a grin, but makes no move to stop her. He just keeps looking at her with an half-repressed fondness in his eyes. He really does look better. 

“You stopped shaving?” she grins, touching her fingertips to his beard, before cradling his smiling face between her slender hands again. “I almost forgot what you look like!”

Guile snorts. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“Six weeks, stranger,” Valentina nearly cries out, “It’s been six weeks! It was cruel to leave me so long.”

His broad shoulders seem to slump just a touch, and his smile falters ever so slightly. Valentina immediately regrets her words and a wave of guilt tingles through her stomach. She can’t blame him for leaving. 

“I know..” he says softly, glancing down at the ground before redirecting his eyes back at her. “I’m sorry, Val.”

“Don’t be..” she whispers, brushing her thumb across his sun-kissed cheek. “I know you needed some time away from here.”

Guille nods and smiles, but Valentina doesn’t miss the weary, almost sad, expression in his eyes. She hates herself for it. 

“Come, let’s eat,” she says, trying to sound cheerful, trying to break the sudden somber mood. 

Guile blinks, and Valentina doesn’t miss relief flash through his eyes. He’s grateful for the sudden change of subject, that’s for sure. Then again, that’s why she’s changed it. 

When he takes a seat next to her instead of his usual seat across from her, he gently squeezes her shoulder, as if he knows exactly what she’s thinking and feeling. Valentina hadn’t realized exactly how much she’d missed her brother until she saw his kind eyes and his comforting smile. Blinking back her tears, she pours him a cup of coffee. 

“Thank God for Silvina,” she smiles and Guile nods his head, taking a grateful sip. 

His eyes close for a brief second. “I guess some things never change,” he muses. “She’s a saint.” 

Valentina hums in agreement and takes a small bite of her toast. They sit in comfortable silence for a moment before Guille speaks again.

“But really, Val… how are you?” he asks, leaning forward with his elbows onto his knees. His expression is so open that Valentina has to avert her eyes. 

She bites her bottom lip. “Good.. I’m good..”

His eyes drift over her features. “Well… you don’t look so good,” he observes. 

Valentina snorts. “Well, thanks.. Just what I wanted to hear.” Guille’s brown eyes are alight with amusement when Valentina defiantly sticks her chin up. “I take it back.. when are you leaving again?” 

He rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “Sorry,” he murmurs, not really sounding like it. “I’m just thinking out loud, I guess.” 

“Jerk.” A smile breaks out across Valentina’s face and she rolls her eyes, smacking her brother lightly against his shoulder. Their banter, light as it might be, leaves her feeling more grounded again.

When she steals a glance at him again, his expression has changed into a more serious one. The mood changes immediately, all the lightness and mirth suddenly sucked out the window. She quickly averts her eyes again and wraps her hands almost anxiously together. 

“But all fun aside, Val, something’s clearly bothering you.” His voice is so unexpectedly gentle that Valentina’s eyes flicker back up from where they’d fixed on her hands. “Should I be worried?” 

Of course Guille would see right through her. He’s probably the most perceptive person she knows.

He reaches out his hand, touches her shoulder. “You know you can trust me, right?” 

Valentina nods her head in affirmation. Guille’s studying her, and his frown is still there, etching a deep line in his forehead.

“So… what’s wrong?” he tries again.

She watches brown eyes study her. There’s warmth but there’s something else as well, seated deep within her brother’s stare. He sits back in his seat and it’s obvious that he waits for her answer. She presses her lips tightly together, unwilling to talk, but at the same time, already knowing it’s a losing battle. Because he’s also the most patient person she knows. But that doesn’t mean she won’t try. 

“Well..” She heaves out a sigh and shrugs, “It’s a thing called ‘not enough sleep.’”

He frowns and looks her over. “Okay, I won’t push.. as long as you’re alright.” 

“I’m fine. Really.” She tries to smile, but she’s sure it doesn’t come out as convincing as she wants it to.

Guille looks long and hard at her, an inscrutable expression on his face. They’re sitting close, but there’s a distance between them that Valentina really wishes weren’t there. She’s knows she’s lying, but she tells herself there’s nothing wrong with lying for the right reasons. She just wants to enjoy their precious time together. 

When the silence finally starts to get to her, she looks for a new topic of conversation. “How’s Renata?” she blurts out.

A smile curls up on Guille’s lips and he lets it rest there for a moment before responding. “She’s good… Great, actually. We’re good.”

Valentina feels herself smiling in response. “I’m so happy for you.”

He takes a sip of coffee, hiding his smile behind his cup. “How’s Lucho?”

Valentina’s smile drops instantly and her entire body goes on high alert. That question hits her like a bucket of ice cold water, because while her brother’s intent was innocent enough, he’d unknowingly just asked the million dollar question. 

She sucks in a deep breath but her lungs don’t feel entirely full. “I honestly don’t even know what to tell you..” She groans and shakes her head. “I’ve kind of been avoiding him for the past month.”

Guille raises a dark brow. “Kind of? I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific. Why are you avoiding him?”

She can see the glint of amusement in his eyes, knowing very well that her brother never really liked Lucho, although his manners wouldn’t allow him to actually say those words out loud.

“He’s just so annoying,” She throws her hands in the air and rolls her eyes. “His stupid superior attitude. Like he has all the answers. I hate that.”

Guille is thoughtful when he says his next words. “Did something happen between you two?” 

Valentina rubs at her forehead and toys with the handle of her coffee cup. “I,“ she starts before clearing her throat. “I’m just so tired of fighting all the time. Ever since mom passed away, things have been so awkward between us.. And I just.. I can’t stand to have him near me.”

“You’ve been at each other’s throats from day one. So what’s different now?” There’s a special, Guille’s own brand of worry in his voice that most people would miss. Valentina’s proud she’s one of the few who can pick up on it.

“What changed?” he presses on and his tone turns cautious, almost tentative.

Valentina shakes her head and scoffs, suddenly feeling exhausted again. She’s so sick of all of it. “Everything changed after mom died.”

Guille’s eyes widen for a second and she watches him swallow. He clearly didn’t anticipate her answer.

“I know, Val,” he sighs. “I know how hard is…” He trails off, and blinks, but doesn’t avert his eyes. It’s a herculean effort for her brother to say these words aloud, Valentina can see, she knows, and her ribs decide they’ll help her out by squeezing her heart in an air-tight vise.

“I wish I could make things better for you.. But I can’t,” he sounds almost pained and his brown eyes mist a little. “I can, however, promise you that things will get brighter. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

He pauses for a moment, his eyes unwavering. “So, we will keep going every day.. and keep fighting for what we want.” 

The words hover in the air between them and Valentina takes a deep, shuddery breath. Her eyes fill with tears, and she blinks them back furiously. Her brother rarely talks like this. He’s the strong one, the confident gaze and unbreakable willpower. But hearing him speak so softly, Valentina feels her armor fall away. And under the weight of his gaze, she starts to feel something else is falling away, or being pulled away, too.

The look in his eyes makes her feel like she’s not alone in this, like they’re bearing it together. Like he’s lifting off some of the burden and draping it across his own shoulders. Like he’s carrying half her load.

She swallows the lump in her throat and her eyes dip to the ground as she speaks. “I’ve been thinking a lot these last months and I want to surround myself with people who support and encourage me… not with people who lie.. or people who want to change me.”

Guille cocks his head slightly to the side. “Are we still talking about Lucho?”

“No.. yes.. I mean..” Valentina sighs and stares off in the distance, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “He’s just not right for me. He treats me like there’s something wrong with me. I can’t stand it.” 

Her hands clench and unclench on the table. “And I know he isn’t the only one to blame, but.. the thing is, I’m just not the same girl I used to be.. and he can’t accept that.”

Guille just nods and waits for her to continue, but Valentina can’t find the words to explain what’s going through her mind. 

“Did you talk to him about it?” he asks when Valentina remains quiet.

She releases a wry laugh and pushes a hand through her hair. “Like I said, I’ve managed to avoid him for well over a month. And besides, talking has never been our strong suit.”

“Val..” Guille sighs. He puts his elbow on the armrest of the chair and props his chin on his hand. 

Valentina blinks when he gives her a pointed look. “Look, I know it sounds childish, but I just couldn’t deal with him.”

Guille’s gaze turns gauging for a second. “Val, you have to be honest with him. That’s the least you can do.”

“I have been honest with him.” She defends herself and tries to be firm but it comes out breathless. 

“Okay.. So?” Guille shakes his head in confusion. “I’m kind of lost here, Val. Did you speak to him or not?”

Valentina takes a long, deep breath, and grabs her coffee mug just to give her hands something to do. She has no idea why she’s telling her brother all of this. That’s the danger of him; he’s pretty much the perfect listener. Things just pour out of her when he’s around her. If only he could be around more often.

She hesitates, studying her hands for a long moment before she speaks again. “He came up to me at the beach a few days ago.. and I told him it’s over between us. At first he took it badly, but then his attitude changed completely. I didn’t understand what happened, I still don’t.”

Lines appear along Guille’s forehead and he frowns, concerned. “What do you mean by saying that he changed completely?” 

Valentina sighs and shrugs. “I don’t really know how to explain it because I don’t really know exactly what happened.”

Guille’s gaze is heavy with concern and he visibly hesitates before asking his next question. “Did he do something to you, Val?” 

Valentina inhales as if she’s about to answer but closes her mouth and shakes her head instead. 

Guille clenches his jaw and grows even more tense. “What did he do?”

“No.. No, he didn’t hurt me.” Valentina quickly assures her brother before he jumps to the wrong conclusion. “I mean.. Not physically, anyway.”

She’s quiet for a moment but then she continues. “At first he was furious, yelling and ranting at me. But then, out of nowhere, he got as quiet and unmoving as a statue.” 

She furrows her brows. “He said he heard a voice, but I didn’t hear it. I didn’t hear anything. And the look on his face.. Like he was in some sort of trance. He just stood there for a while, staring off into the ocean, and then he turned and walked away without a word.” 

She lets out a heavy breath and brushes her hand through her hair. “It was so weird.. I can’t even wrap my mind around it. And now… now he’s acting like it never even happened, like we haven’t spoken to each other in over a month.” 

Guille’s brown eyes widen for a fraction of a second with confusion. “Really?”

Valentina nods in affirmation and she sees her own confusion mirrored on his face. 

“Okay… I guess it really does sound strange.” Guille agrees with her and pinches the bridge of his nose. “But why would he do that?” 

“I honestly have no idea..” Valentina lets out a heavy breath. She’d been asking herself that same question all night. “Maybe he’s suffering some short-term memory loss? Or maybe he’s just crazy, or on drugs? Or maybe he’s a liar? A jerk?”

She presses her clammy palm against her forehead. “It doesn’t make any sense! And now he’s acting like I’m the one who’s crazy.. like there’s something wrong with me.” 

She heaves a frustrated sigh. Her brain is a whirlwind of thoughts, and she just needs it to calm down. “But I’m not making this up. I really spoke to him at the beach. Why would I lie about something like that?”

Guille just shakes his head but says nothing, as if at loss for words.

“Juliana was there that night too.” Valentina’s eyes widen in realization and there’s a split second where she hesitates but quickly presses on. “She saw him too. She knows I’m telling the truth.”

“Val, relax. I believe you.” Guille’s voice is quiet and soft. It never fails to astonish Valentina how gentle he is with her. “You don’t have to defend yourself to me.” 

A quick wry laugh escapes her lips. “You see, this is exactly what I mean!” She shakes her head and hides her face because she’s sure she’s going to cry and she doesn’t want to. “God, I hate him so much. I hate it that he makes me question myself.” 

She feels her brother’s hand on her back, making small circles, gestures of comfort. 

“I just..” she cuts herself off and tries to absorb Guille’s reassuring strength into herself. “I know I should have handled things differently. I should have ended things sooner between us instead of avoiding him. But that doesn’t make it right. He doesn’t have to be so mean.”

“Listen to me, Val.” Guille gently pulls her hands from her face and holds them between his own. He waits until her blue eyes lock on his again. “What matters here is you. Your feelings.”

There’s a gleam of fire in his eyes, as if he’s trying to reach her beyond mere words. “Do you still feel something for him?”

“No,” she says without missing a beat.

Guille nods and the corners of his mouth twitch. “Okay. Now that we have that cleared up.. It shouldn’t bother you what he says. You shouldn’t let him get to you.” 

He squeezes her hands once, still holding on. “But I know you.. And I know much you hate to leave things unfinished, especially where friends are involved. So, when the time is right you should talk things out.. clear things up. Then you can leave all this behind you.” His small smile is easy and encouraging. 

Valentina bites her lip to stop it from trembling. “I guess you’re right.. But I’m not ready to talk to him yet.” 

Guille just nods in understanding. Valentina pulls her hands out of his grasp and hugs him tightly. “Thank you, Guille. Please, don’t ever leave again.”

They hold each other for a moment before her brother loosens his arms around her, tilting his head back to look at her. He captures Valentina’s gaze and holds it captive. 

“I can’t promise you that, Val.. But I’m always here..” He puts his hand on her chest, over her heart. “You know that, right?’

For a second Valentina lets that sink in, holding her brother’s gaze. Her eyes sting with tears and she knows she will be unable to speak, so she just nods and closes her eyes. When she sucks in a breath that unexpectedly morphs into the choking gurgle of a sob, she slaps a hand over her mouth and breathes hard against the palm of her hand.

“Everything is going to be okay, sis. I promise you.” 

Valentina allows his words to soothe her, to comfort her, and it makes her breathe a little easier. She’d missed talking things over with him as she usually did at the end of the day. She takes a deep breath through her nose and tries to focus on the present, because right now, at this precise moment, he’s home and she’s actually feeling happy. And safe.

“But, tell me.. who is Juliana?” Guille asks, catching her off guard.

Valentina sucks in a sharp breath and her heart skips a few beats, her eyes widening almost comically. 

“Juliana..” she cuts herself off with a smile, hiding her face in her hands. She feels a blush creeping up all the way from her toes and her heart seems ready to beat out of her chest. Just saying her name out loud causes heat to run through her veins, sending electric sensations through every cell of her body.

“Juliana is my.. she’s my friend… I met her a few days ago.”

“A friend?” Guille teases, eyebrows raised, and the twinkling in his brown eyes is enough to make Valentina squirm in her seat. His lips are flat but they’re shaking a little, like he’s trying to hold in laughter. “Are you sure?”

Valentina’s eyes widen as she works through the implications of the question. She opens her mouth and then closes it. There’s a lengthy pause, and when her phone buzzes on the table, she’s never been more glad for a distraction in her life. She quickly averts her eyes from her brother’s grinning face, already swiping across the screen to open the message.

[Juliana: 08:52 am]  
Hey. I was just wondering, are you busy tonight?

An entire flock of butterflies erupt in her stomach, sending a shudder down her spine, and before she’s even fully aware of it, she’s pressing the send button. 

[Valentina: 08:52 am]  
Hopefully, I am now?

She’s almost embarrassed by her complete lack of self-control when it comes to Juliana. She bites her lip and worries about seeming too presumptuous, too desperate. But Juliana’s response comes almost immediately, and all of her doubts and worries fade away.

[Juliana: 08:53 am]  
Maybe we could meet up if you like? Grab some dinner? 

Valentina feels her lips slip into the dopiest of all smiles and she doesn’t bother trying to hide it. 

[Valentina: 08:53 am]  
I’d love to, Juls. 

Valentina hears a snort but when she looks over, Guille’s the model of innocence. Well, smirking innocence. 

“What?” she asks, cocking her head nonchalantly. She can’t, however, wipe the grin off her face. 

“You should have seen your face.” His smirk widens. “It just ran the entire emotional spectrum and now you’re basically glowing. Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” Valentina replies quickly, trying to wipe the smile away and busying herself with her coffee cup. She succeeds in covering her lips but her eyes still shine when she looks at her brother. “Juliana..”

Guille raises a brow. “Juliana? Your ‘friend’, Juliana? The one you’ve only just met?” He looks at her like he’s trying to solve some great mystery, and with each word his grin grows broader, his eyes wider. “I’ve never seen you smile like that.” 

Valentina doesn’t realize she’s holding her breath. 

“You like her..” he concludes and it’s not a question. His smile doesn’t fade. If anything, it grows wider. Valentina squirms in her seat. 

“You really like her. It’s written all over you. Even I can see that,” he states and there isn’t a hint of sarcasm or judgement in his voice. He is openly smirking now and he stares at her unblinking.

Valentina tries not to bely her nerves by allowing itchy fingers to touch her face, but a blush creeps up her cheeks and she knows her brother will tease her mercilessly for it. 

She’s biting her lips to fight their wild stretch but it’s extremely ineffective. “Maybe,” she chokes out, surprising them both. “I mean..” she quickly backtracks, but her words catch in her throat. 

It feels wrong to lie about this. She doesn’t want to hide or deny her feelings, she wants to embrace them. She wants to stop running for her feelings. Or at least she wants to stop running away. She wants to run toward them. 

“I think- no,” she corrects herself quickly, “Yes, I like her.” A shy smile grows slowly over her face, despite her attempts to suppress it. “I really, really, like her.” 

Her traitorous lips start stretching into what’s probably a disgustingly lovesick smile and she doesn’t even care anymore. Admitting it to herself was overwhelming, at first. Admitting it to someone else is nothing but liberating. 

“I know it’s crazy, but-“ She knows what she wants to say but isn’t sure how to phrase it so it doesn’t come across as weird.

“Why is it crazy?” Guille cuts her off, leaning forward in his seat. 

“Because..” she says with a laugh. “Because it’s all happening so fast.” She’s even speaking faster now. “I’m not supposed to fall in love so quickly and.. with a.. it doesn’t make any sense.”

“And who says you aren’t supposed to fall in love so quickly? Where is that rule written?” he counters, smiling.

“It’s just that, logically, this can’t work out.”

“Logically?” Guille snorts. “Who said there was anything logical about love?”

Valentina shakes her head. “I don’t know why you keep saying that. It’s not like it’s love. I just met her.”

“Then what is it?” he challenges.

She doesn’t believe her own words. It is love. It’s definitely love and it doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not. She’s in love with Juliana. Instead of answering, she buries her face in her hands and lets out a little scream while Guille laughs.

It takes her a moment to collect herself. “I’ve never..” She takes a deep breath and tries again. “I’ve never felt this way about a girl.. About anyone.” Her words aren’t coming out anywhere as eloquent as they should and she’s frustrated. Guille says nothing, his face encouraging. 

“I just never expected that I would fall in love with another girl.” She toys with hair and bites her bottom lip, searching for the courage to ask her next question. “It doesn’t make you… uncomfortable?”

Guille shakes his head and seems genuinely confused. “Why would it make me uncomfortable? You haven’t said anything that changes how I see you.”

Valentina blinks back her tears. “Thank you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” he says, gently brushing a lock of hair away from her face. “Telling someone your sexuality shouldn’t be a request for understanding.”

All Valentina can think, feel, of doing is leaning forward and resting her forehead against his. Closing her eyes, knowing he will do the same. She smiles wider when she feels his long lashes graze her cheeks when he does exactly that. 

“Thank you for telling me, Val.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait, but here's another chapter :)  
> Things are starting to get complicated..   
> Let me know what you think & thank you so much for your support!

Chapter 12

It’s late in the afternoon when Valentina arrives at the ocean-facing restaurant. The terrace is packed with parties of local people enjoying themselves, and she scans the tables quasi-casually, out of the corners of her eyes, to see if she recognizes a face. She doesn’t. It’s still a little early, but she’d been way too eager and impatient to wait any longer. 

She’d cut her school day short to go home at noon in order to take a second shower, wash her hair and let it air-dry while she scrunched it repeatedly to put it at its shiniest, its fullest, its waviest. She’d even taken special care when she’d applied her blush, mascara and lip gloss. 

She’d changed her outfit four times before settling on a lacy camisole underneath a filmy white blouse that barely reached the waistband of a pair of gray, tight pants that showed off the new pair of heels she’d been saving for a special occasion- ultimately dressing up more than she usually did. She’d been on quite a few dates before but none of them made her feel this nervous, this excited. 

A loud chorus of shouts and laughter snaps her out of her thoughts and she watches a few little kids running along the promenade, yelling and chasing each other. She finds herself smiling along with them until they disappear out of sight. 

A cool breeze blows over her face and she takes a deep breath. The air is faintly tinged with salt and she turns to stare out at the ocean, hearing the waves breaking on the shore, and at the same time feeling fresh waves of nervousness shuddering through her. 

The sun feels warm on her skin and she raises her face to it for long moments, her long, brown hair dancing in the wind. The day is bright and beautiful, and Valentina feels like she is pulsing with life. It offers such relief after so many months of breaking and losing herself in the sorrow of her loss.

Her whole body feels electrified; every nerve ending tingles with anticipation and she wonders once again how it’s possible to feel so much for another person. It’s all happening so fast; it’s a whirlwind for her, but she doesn’t want to miss one single second of it.

As if sensing Juliana’s presence, her eyes fly open and she cranes her neck to see over her shoulder. Her breath locks roughly in her chest, and when their eyes meet, Juliana’s step seems to falter for a second, a shy smile spreading across her face as she takes her in. Valentina’s heart trips over itself, quickening. 

She slowly turns around, in her spot, and she can’t help but stare because that skin tight jeans and equally tight t-shirt clings to every incredible curve of Juliana’s body. She takes in the gleam of sunlit brown eyes and there are parts of her that practically cry out to take a picture, to capture Juliana’s image forever. 

And her hair… God, her beautiful, dark hair. Loose and wavy over her shoulders and reaching halfway down her torso. God, she’s gorgeous. Or maybe it’s just because she’s seeing Juliana in the regular daylight for the first time ever. One thing is clear, though; whatever the reason, Valentina craves her nearness more than anything else in the world. 

She finds her legs moving in the girl’s direction without any input from her brain. She feels like a moth to a flame; her entire world narrowing to this strikingly beautiful girl walking towards her. The wide smile Juliana directs at her makes Valentina’s stomach flip, her heart trip; it makes something warm and unfathomably large to bloom between her ribs.

“Hi,” she breathes out, once she’s within touching distance. And, God, does she ever want to do that. “You look nice.” It’s a ridiculous understatement and she should be embarrassed about how breathless she sounds. 

Juliana dips her head at the compliment, smile stretching, and Valentina notices the subtle dusting of blusher that accentuates those high cheekbones, mascara on dark lashes, eyeliner, the clear gloss on Juliana’s lips. It is hardly noticeable but Valentina has come to realize that she notices nearly everything there is to notice about Juliana. The tiniest details stand out to her as if she is tuned to them.

Juliana inclines her head a little, eyes sweeping over Valentina again. She tucks the fall of her perfect, perfect hair behind one ear and leans in, planting a soft kiss on Valentina’s cheek, millimeters away from the corner of her mouth. “You look perfect.”

It catches Valentina completely off guard and her stomach flips pleasantly. Juliana’s gaze dances over her lips only briefly but it’s enough to make her heart thunder in her chest and then in her ears. She’s standing so close that Valentina can feel the warmth of her body and she can’t help noticing all the tiny details of Juliana’s gorgeous face; the dimple in her chin, the deep brown of her eyes framed by thick lashes; Valentina feels captured by her. 

For a second Juliana appears similarly transfixed, lips parted and eyes wide. She doesn’t move. She hardly even breathes, and they stay that way for what feels like an eternity, surrounded only by the sunlight and a gentle breeze. And then she feels warm fingers drift over the skin of her hand, and she looks down just as Juliana slowly tangles their fingers together in the space between them. It feels electric and it sends a bolt down her spine. 

The air seems to heat and sparkle between them and Valentina feels a familiar tug deep inside her. It pulls her closer, and she’s helpless to stop it, the caving. She squeezes Juliana’s hand and pulls her gently toward her. Her heart feels like it can’t quite find its rhythm all of a sudden and it’s hard to breathe with the way Juliana is looking at her. 

She slides her slightly trembling hand over Juliana’s hip and takes another step to close the remaining distance between them, a cloud of perfume and shampoo enveloping her. Juliana falls into it quicker than she had expected. She squeezes around her in a soft hug, and Valentina releases the breath she is holding as she lays her cheek against the girl’s shoulder. 

Juliana threads her fingers through her hair at the nape of her neck and brushes her nose against her cheek and then towards her neck. Once again Valentina is overwhelmed by her own feelings, because it’s bright and hot and real. Deep. And somehow she knows Juliana’s feeling it, too.

When Valentina finally pulls away she has to force herself to not get distracted by Juliana’s closeness again. She tries to remember words. Any words. A single word. Because all she wants to do is to reach out. Just pull Juliana against her body and kiss her in front of all these people. The glint in Juliana’s eyes tells her she’s not alone.

A small smile adorns Juliana’s face, eyes alight as they dart up Valentina’s body. She shakes her head, shimmering all that long, raven hair in waves like the ocean. Valentina watches in awe as a pretty blush creeps up the girl’s neck and onto her cheeks. Juliana’s still smiling, a little shy, and oh God, how is it possible to love this girl even more than she did a minute ago?

Valentina bites her lip on a smile and Juliana’s responding one edges into a full-blown grin. One that only falters when Valentina sweeps her hair over one shoulder to apparently devastating effect. The way Juliana’s staring at her now, eyes glassy and huge, almost reverent, makes Valentina freeze.

“What?” she breathes out. 

Juliana’s still looking at her, taking her in, as if she can’t quite get enough. Her eyes seem to glow in the sunlight, now a lighter shade of brown than she’d ever seen them. 

“What, what?” Juliana counters with a smile and a slight shrug of her shoulder.

“You’re staring at me,” Valentina teases, feeling butterflies erupt in her stomach. 

Juliana nods. “Yes,” she says simply and Valentina cannot help but laugh. The sound croaks in her throat, though, when Juliana makes a hand gesture towards Valentina’s entire person. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

Valentina licks her lips and drops her gaze. She shakes her head, no. Because compared to Juliana? She isn’t. Her body floods with heat that she can feel burning her alive from her ears down to her toes, and she has the sudden urge to dart away into the shadows so that the sunlight can’t shine like a spotlight on her undoubtedly red face. 

“No?” Juliana’s laugh is a gorgeous, breathless thing. “Come on, Val.” Her brown eyes dart over Valentina’s face, studying her for a moment. She runs a thumb across Valentina’s cheekbone, shakes her head as she quietly whispers, “You take my breath away every time I look at you.” Her voice is low and breathy and quite possibly the sexiest thing Valentina has ever heard. 

She swallows thickly, letting those words sink in. They ripple through her system like a heat wave, flames licking pleasantly at her heart and then her stomach and then farther down, sparkling between her thighs. Juliana actually looks a little embarrassed, as if she never intended to say the words aloud, and her eyes are so vulnerable and open right now that Valentina can’t hardly stand it. 

“God, Juls..” she groans, dropping her forehead down to Juliana’s, inhaling a shaky sigh. That only manages to bring Juliana’s lips closer though and she has to wrench herself away with more self-control than she ever thought she’d possess. “You have no clue what you do to me.”

Juliana’s eyes flit across her face like she’s searching for something. Valentina knows the feeling etched into her expression. Hope. “I think I have a clue,” Juliana whispers. 

Valentina’s lips slide into a grin and it feels perfectly normal to urge Juliana’s fingers to tangle with her own. She doesn’t understand how she can feel so close to her when they’re surrounded by dozens of other people. She doesn’t understand it but she doesn’t question it either. She shouldn’t be getting used to this, but she also thinks it might be too late for that.

And with her heart still thudding loudly in her ears, she leans slowly forward and presses a gentle whisper of a kiss to Juliana’s cheek. “Shall we?” She doesn’t wait for an answer. She tugs Juliana along and their hands remain linked as they walk past tables of people chatting and laughing and enjoying their time together. 

The lively, crowded restaurant, decorated with little wooden tables and chairs and dim lights, is a meeting place for locals. The menu focuses on traditional local dishes and it’s nothing like the high-priced, fancy restaurant she usually visits with her family or friends. It gives her a kind of new and refreshing feeling. 

The waiter leads them to a table that is near the large window overlooking the ocean. They share a shy smile as they take a seat across from each other. Valentina swallows down her nerves and links her hands together on the small table, her palm still tingly and warm from Juliana’s grip. 

“Can I get you something to drink, ladies?” 

Valentina jumps slightly at the waiter’s interruption, thankful for the low lightening that conceals her blush. “Oh, uhm.. Can I have a water, please?” 

The waiter nods his head and looks over to Juliana, but her brown eyes never leave Valentina’s blue ones. “I’ll have water, too. Thank you.” 

Juliana’s eyes roam over Valentina’s face. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and shakes her head, a hint of a smile curling one side of her lips. “A water?”

Valentina releases a breathy laugh and runs a hand through her hair. “Yeah, I’ve had enough alcohol for one lifetime.”

“That bad?” Juliana asks with a laugh.

“Yeah, kind of,” she confesses with a smile. “But things are changing, I’m changing. I don’t need it anymore to help me through the day.”

Valentina’s heart rate nearly doubles when Juliana reaches for her hand and laces their fingers together on the table. “What changed?” 

Juliana’s thumb sweeps over her knuckles and it does nothing to soothe her racing heart. She squeezes Juliana’s hand and she squeezes right back, her eyes unwavering from Valentina’s. She keeps glancing at her like she can’t believe she’s not dreaming up her presence. She probably catches Valentina looking at her in the very same way. 

She clears her throat and the word tumbles out of her mouth before she has a chance to stop herself. “You..” Juliana blinks at her and when her eyes drop to Valentina’s lips and back up, they both grin. 

“God, I didn’t mean it to sound cheesy..” Valentina laughs through her fingers as she covers her mouth with a slightly shaky hand. “But it’s true.”

Then Juliana laughs. Just throws back her head and laughs. Fully and hearty, eyes crinkling. The sight warms Valentina from the inside and soon has her joining in too, and her heart aches from being too full with joy instead of sorrow. They draw a few curious glances from the surrounding diners but Valentina doesn’t care. She’s wholly wrapped up in the beautiful girl sitting across from her. 

It takes some time for their laughter to dissipate and Valentina feels like she’s glowing, like her chest has cracked open and there’s light spilling out. She traces along the hills and dips of Juliana’s hand with her finger, running along the outline of each digit until she’s committed them to memory. Juliana has really beautiful fingers. All long and slender and soft. Valentina imagines their softness against her lips. 

By the time the waiter comes over, Valentina’s finally starting to relax- well, as much as she can when Juliana keeps staring at her like that. She takes a grateful sip of the water that he holds out to her, feeling the cool liquid slipping down her dust-dry throat. 

The waiter places a basket of bread on the table and his eyes linger on their tangled hands for a second, before he offers them a friendly smile. “I’ll be right back to take your order, ladies.”

They both nod and Valentina waits until the waiter is out of earshot before she speaks again. “I’ve told my brother about you this morning.”

Juliana’s eyes widen a little and a slight blush creeps up her cheeks. “Your brother? What did you tell him about me?” 

Valentina’s momentarily distracted by the way Juliana brushes her hair off her shoulder, and it takes a second before she finds her voice again. “Well.. He saw me texting you.. and my face-“ she cuts herself off, smiling. 

“What were his exact words again?” She runs a hand through her hair and laughs. “You should have seen your face, Val. You’re basically glowing.”

Juliana releases a breathy laugh and shakes her head, and Valentina melts a little at the way Juliana blushes in the low lights.

“My brother’s far too perceptive.” A fond smile curls her lips as she continues, “I can’t hide anything from him, he knows me too well.” Juliana squeezes her hand and her expression is so soft and sincere that Valentina melts to be on the receiving end of it. 

She clears her throat to make sure her voice will come out clear when she continues, “So I had to tell him about you. And it actually felt really good to talk about it all, because I’ve been… I’ve been so confused, you know?” She runs her free hand through her hair and inhales a shaky breath. “It’s all happening so fast with us. And I, well, I’ve been feeling kind of overwhelmed. And I want this relationship to work.” 

It surprises her to hear the words spilling through, but it is as if she cannot suppress them, and her heart races with the realization that she has just spoken the words aloud. She flushes a deep crimson and hurries to add, “I mean, if a relationship is what we have, though I suppose it’s too early to get real specific as to what exactly to call this thing with us, and I..” She puts her face into her hands and tries to avoid Juliana’s burning gaze that she can feel like a laser searing into her skin. “Oh, God. I’m making no sense, none at all. I’m-” 

“Val, relax,” Juliana smiles, interrupting, and Valentina halts her ramble. She looks up to meet Juliana’s gaze, and she’s staring at her with such tenderness that it nearly steals Valentina’s breath. “You make perfect sense to me. And I’m kind of overwhelmed here, too.” 

Juliana smiles then, dropping her head just a bit so that her dark hair falls over her face, almost as if she wants to hide herself, and Valentina finds it endearing and beautiful. Her stomach flips and a wave of warmth rolls out from the base of her spine to spread across her limbs. 

Valentina feels compelled to share her thoughts. “I can’t explain it.. It’s like you’re always there, always on my mind, always a part of me.” She blows out a heavy breath and locks onto Juliana’s gaze, the air thick and alive between them. “I never imagined that this could happen. I never expected to fall for another girl..”

Juliana takes a deep breath, looking at her like maybe this is another line they shouldn’t cross. But when she squeezes her hand, Valentina can’t help but cross it. It breaks her. She crumbles beneath the weight of her own feelings. 

“You scare me to death, you know? The thought of this not being real.. It scares me to death. I just feel so unsteady all the time, like the tiniest thing can throw me off. There’s no balance. It’s all chaos.. Except when I’m with you.” 

Valentina watches as Juliana draws in a slow, deep breath and lets it out in a staggered rush of air. She waits for her to say something. When she receives nothing but silence, though, Valentina gently squeezes Juliana’s hand, forcing her to look at her. 

She thinks she should stop before she scares Juliana off, but she needs to know. She needs to know for her and for whatever it is that has been brewing between them. She wants to be connected to the pieces of Juliana she has yet to reach, because every layer of her that she peels back is more beautiful than the one before and she is amazed to witness any of it, all of it; amazed to find Juliana across from her, staring at her. 

Valentina’s heart stutters in her chest before picking up speed. It thuds against her ribs as she licks her lips and whispers, “So, are we? Real, I mean?” She sucks in a breath and holds it, afraid to disturb the moment. 

Juliana blinks at her, her mouth opening and closing a few times, but no words come out. The silences stretches out so long that Valentina thinks she’s not going to answer, but then she hears Juliana whisper, “Yes, it’s real..” It’s hardly more than a breath but it washes over Valentina powerfully. “More real than anything I’ve ever felt.”

Juliana stares at her and she looks so fragile, so vulnerable and so damn beautiful that Valentina can barely breathe. It is overwhelmingly intimate, she thinks, as if she’s witnessing something precious and private. She’s surprised Juliana allows it, allows Valentina to see her this way. 

What surprises her even more, though, is her own behavior with Juliana, the trust that she places in the girl. Even when she believed herself separate, distant, and unwilling, she had given herself over to Juliana in bits and pieces. She sucks in a deep breath that trembles its way into her lungs, because even when the world can be so cruel that nothing and no one else makes sense, Juliana does. Juliana makes sense to her. 

“But I’m scared, too,” Juliana softly confesses, dropping her eyes to the table. She chews nervously on her bottom lip before looking up again. “There are things you don’t know about me, Val.”

Valentina’s heart thumps against her ribs as Juliana looks at her, looks into her, and shares her pieces and parts so openly. Her words are quiet and soft but heavy in a way that feels almost tangible to Valentina. “What things?” She sits up straighter and prepares herself for whatever it is that she is about to find out. 

Juliana shifts in her chair and clears her throat. “Things that might change-“ she trails off and Valentina watches her brown eyes widen when she glances over her shoulder, something resembling panic flashing through them. She wonders what the sentence was supposed to be before Juliana caught herself.

“Vale..” Valentina winches at the sound of a familiar voice behind her, her heart rate kicking up a notch. Oh, no, not here, not now. The timing couldn’t have been more off. 

Juliana’s hand slips out of her grasp and her body instantly tenses up. She whips her head around to see Lucho standing near their table, his eyes darting back and forth between them, a deep frown etched across his forehead.

Valentina’s stomach drops and she has no idea what to say to him or how to act around him. He just keeps looking back and forth between her and Juliana, and the silence stretches between them like a piece of elastic pulled to its most taut, waiting to snap. 

But then Nayeli appears beside Lucho and flashes her trademark smile. “Hi, Val, how are you?” She leans down and hugs Valentina briefly before she holds out her hand to Juliana. “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Nayeli.”

Juliana stares at the girl’s outstretched hand for long seconds before laying her palm against Nayeli’s. She forces a smile on her lips and nods, but she doesn’t say anything. Valentina frowns at the interaction before she turns her attention back to Lucho.

“Lucho,” she mumbles as a wave of irritation washes over her. “What are you doing here?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “What I’m doing here? The better question is, what are you doing here?” he nearly spits out, glancing between her and Juliana.

Valentina groans and her hands are sweaty and shaky as she presses them to her face and runs them through her hair. She senses that the conversation is spiraling out of her control and the sound of her heart is louder than it should be. She can’t handle seeing him right now.

She looks up at Juliana to find the strength within herself and finds the girl’s stormy eyes scanning her face almost anxiously. She looks a few shades paler than before. As if sensing her thoughts, she offers Valentina a small, encouraging smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. 

Valentina sucks in a breath and looks up at Lucho again. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m having dinner with a friend.”

Lucho takes a calculated breath and she can see the irritation clench to his jaw. “So, this is more important than spending time with me? Your boyfriend?”

Valentina’s breath catches as she glances at Juliana again. Her beautiful face is contorted with something she can’t place. Pain? Agony? Anger? She lets her gaze drift across Juliana’s features. Her skin is so, so pale it is almost translucent, a vein visible in on her forehead. Her brown eyes are fixed on the table and her jaw is clenched so tight it looks like it’s going to break. 

A wave of worry wells up in her stomach and she has to fight the urge to reach across the table to take her hand. Instead, she touches Juliana’s ankle with her foot under the table, trying to draw her attention. But she doesn’t look up, doesn’t meet her eyes, and the tendons in her neck stand out like rigid cables. 

She glances down at Juliana’s hands, resting flatly on the table, knuckles white, and another wave of worry ripples through her. Something’s off. There’s something she’s missing, but she doesn’t know what. Her stomach is in knots and she tries one more time, gently nudging Juliana with her foot, but still she makes no move to meet her eyes. She just keeps staring off into space, her muscles too tight, her body too tense, too rigid. 

“Valentina!” Lucho snaps, pulling her attention back to him, but she doesn’t miss the flinch in Juliana’s eyes. “I’ve been waiting for your all this time! And this is how you treat me?!”

“Don’t, Lucho, not again,” Valentina counters under her breath, resting her hand against her forehead. “We’ve already talked about this. Can we do this another time?”

She casts another worried glance at Juliana and catches her brown eyes, and for the briefest of milliseconds her shoulders almost seem to curl forward but if it happens it’s gone in a blink.

“No, we cannot do this another time!” Lucho nearly yells, balling his fists at his side. He narrows his eyes at Juliana and Valentina’s jaw drops a little while he forges on. “Who’s this anyway?” 

Lucho glares at her, but Valentina doesn’t waver. “Juliana.”

“Julieta?”

“Juliana!” she bites back without hesitation, fire beginning to replace the irritation in her veins. She wants him to leave, she needs him to leave, so she can make sure Juliana’s okay. 

Lucho shakes his head and a frustrated look flits over his features. “Whatever.. But who is she?”

Valentina laughs incredulously, furious at his rudeness. She fixes her eyes on Lucho, staring daggers at him. “She?!” Her chest sparks with anger. “She’s sitting right here! Don’t be such a-“ She cuts herself off, then plasters a big, fat, fake smile on her lips. “Juliana is my friend. Someone I actually like spending time with.”

Lucho stares at her for a moment, mouth hanging open and eyes growing angrier by the second. “Your friend? Since when?!”

“That’s none of your business, Lucho,” she says flatly. She purses her lips and glances away. When she meets Lucho’s gaze again, she steels herself to continue, despite the tremor running through her entire body. “Like I said before, we’re over.”

He takes an angry step toward her, but Nayeli grabs his arm to stop him. She clears her throat and quickly places herself between Valentina and Lucho. “Come, let’s go, Lucho.” She moves closer to him and whispers something in his ear. 

Valentina uses the distraction to lean over the table and whisper, “Juls, you okay?” 

Juliana jolts and her deep, brown eyes snap up, and suddenly there’s a shift in the air, raising the fine hairs on the back of her neck and arms. Juliana shakes her head, her eyes wide. She looks like a deer in the headlights.

Valentina furrows her eyebrows. “Juls?”

She reaches across the table, but Juliana snatches her hands away and sits backward, shaking her head again. Her wide eyes scan the room before they settle on Valentina again. She looks terrified, almost as if she’s on the verge of a panic attack. 

“I’m sorry…” Juliana whispers, but she might as well have shouted, because almost every head in the restaurant turns in her direction.

Valentina frowns in confusion, a wave of unease settling over her. From the corners of her eyes, she watches Lucho’s expression change from anger to something akin to wonder. Nayeli just stares at Lucho, and when she follows his line of sight, she scowls in Juliana’s direction. 

“What did you say her name was again?” Lucho asks after a few seconds, every trace of anger gone from his voice. 

“Juliana,” Nayeli nearly spits, sending Juliana a frustrated glare.

Valentina blinks her eyes, trying to make sure she’s seeing correctly. What the hell is happening? Why is everyone staring at Juliana like that? Why is it suddenly so hard to breathe? She turns to Juliana to find her even more pale than before, her eyes wide open in panic and horror. 

“I’m sorry,” Juliana mutters again, and her hands are shaking as she runs them through her hair. “I- I just need some air.” She jumps out of her chair, the chair tumbling backwards hitting the floor with a crash. Valentina can only stare in shock and confusion as Juliana takes off without another word, and races out of the restaurant.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for responding to this story :) I love to read your comments.

Chapter 13

Valentina sucks in gulp after gulp of air, willing it to soothe her as she runs out of the restaurant and walks as far and fast from its entrance as she can. Her ears are filled with the sound of her own pulse, pounding like a drum, and she can’t stop running. She needs to find Juliana. She needs to know what’s going on.

It feels odd to run, strangely liberating, the way she sometimes does in dreams, taking giant strides, never tiring. In reality, she’s clumsy in her high heels, almost losing one as her ankle twists. She hisses a unladylike curse under her breath and leans down to remove her shoes, suppressing the throbbing pain in her ankle with the motion. 

For a moment, she isn’t sure what to do, so she just pivots helplessly in place and stares off into the distance. Scattered clouds are slightly pink with the colors of the sunset as it casts its glow on the sparkling waters of the ocean, and Valentina squints her eyes against it. She scans her surroundings, searching the entire length of the beach for signs of Juliana. It is the only place she can think of to find her. 

She tries to tell herself to calm down, because there is likely nothing at all to be concerned about. Still, Valentina’s stomach burns with dread, because she doesn’t understand what just happened back inside the restaurant. None of it makes any sense to her; this whole situation is far too confusing. 

It’s so easy to blame Lucho; she blames him for his behavior and for his timing, she blames him for ruining her time with Juliana. However, at some level, she knows that his appearance isn’t the main reason for Juliana’s sudden change of mood. It’s something deeper, more complex, something that makes her feel oddly anxious and helpless. And, God, she’s so tired of feeling helpless all the time. Her life is constantly changing around her, making her feel like she has no control over all the things she’s experiencing. 

She brushes a shaky hand through her hair and grabs her heels in her other one. Her throat is tight and dry, and her chest heaves as she takes off running again. The air whips into a wind around her. It screams against her ears but seems almost quiet compared to the hammering beat of her pulse pounding inside her head with every step. 

Her ankle stings, but she doesn’t slow down. She runs as hard as her body will allow, as fast as her legs will carry her. It takes only steps for her breath to grow sharp in her lungs like pricking needles, but she doesn’t let up. She welcomes the soft sand beneath her feet, the cool wind blowing through her hair, and Valentina slows her pace slightly. It’s difficult to run on the sand, her limbs feeling heavier with each step, but still she doesn’t let up. 

A flicker of movement at the beach ahead of her catches her eyes and pulls her attention, and Valentina’s heart jumps into her throat when she looks toward the shore. Her lips part as she wipes at her eyes and locks onto a familiar form that she would recognize across any distance. She almost cries out with relief.

Juliana is standing near the water, her back towards Valentina, gazing out into the ocean. Her long dark hair whips around her in a gust of wind, but she doesn’t move. It’s a breathtaking view, Valentina thinks, Juliana’s dark silhouette a stark contrast to the vividly colored sky, and she finds herself staring for a moment. 

She stills in place but her heart is racing; everything inside her feels too much and too messy, and she wraps her arms around herself, taking a moment to catch her breath. She can still feel the strange kind of energy all around her, raising the fine hair on the back of her neck.

When her heart rate finally slows, she takes off in the girl’s direction again, moving closer and closer. Juliana is unaware of her approach, and it gives Valentina time to collect her thoughts. The lessening space between them feels like a gaping canyon, and she feels like she’s teetering on the edge. 

Her body feels tight, coiled, and she can’t shake the discomfort swirling in her gut. Her adrenaline hasn’t stopped pumping since Lucho had appeared at the restaurant, and it doesn’t feel like it will stop anytime soon. She’s so wired that she is shaking as she crosses the distance between them and stops once she’s finally within touching distance. 

She has a moment of uncertainty, of something not far from a panic-attack. Her heart is beating so hard it seems to vibrate her chest. Why did Juliana run away? Why did she fled the restaurant as if pursued by demons? Valentina isn’t sure if she’s ready to hear the girl’s answer. Her fingers curl into fists and she lets her nails dig into the skin of her palms, her heels dropping onto the sand. 

“Juls..” she breathes out after a few long seconds, and the girl’s whole body jerks at the sound of her voice. She straightens up but keeps her back to Valentina, her shoulders rigid and tense. Valentina swallows the lump in her throat, her fingers itching to reach out. She bites the inside of her bottom lip to keep it from trembling and moves a little closer. “Are you okay?”

Juliana shifts her position slightly, but she doesn’t turn, and Valentina wonders if she is deliberately attempting to hide her expression. A spark of panic ignites in her chest and her eyes begin to burn. They well up too fast for her to blink the wetness away, and her throat shrinks until it feels so tight and dry that she nearly chokes on nothing. 

She has a moment of real, genuine fear- what if this is all her doing? What if she did something wrong? What if-?

“Val, you shouldn’t have come..” Juliana’s voice cuts through her thoughts and Valentina jolts at the near-desperate tone of the girl’s voice. “Please, just- go. Just leave me alone.” 

For a moment Valentina is stunned into silence. The words ring in her ears, wedge between her ribs, and suddenly, she feels like she can’t breathe. She shakes her head, brushing away her tears with both hands. 

“No, I-“ Valentina chokes on the words, swallows them down, and tries again. “No, I’m not leaving you alone.. Not until I know what’s going on.”

Her hands twitch with the sudden urge to grab the girl and force her to face her, but she can’t seem to make her muscles work. Silence envelops them, though the air becomes so thick with tension that it almost seems to hum around them. She waits for Juliana’s response. She hopes for it, craves it. Instead of responding, Juliana turns to fully face her then, and Valentina can see the tension in the girl’s body. She can see the water in her wild eyes. It shimmers in the dying sunlight, and Valentina almost chokes at the sight of it. 

She wants nothing more than to turn back time to an hour before. Before any of this. Before all of it. She can’t handle the sudden rift between them. It just feels so wrong. Her fingers tangle together in front of her body, and she pulls at her knuckles almost anxiously, fingertips rubbing the curve of her ring. “I’m not leaving you,” Valentina whispers again, “Not until I know you’re okay.” 

She thinks she sees a flicker of panic in Juliana’s eyes, but she turns her head to an angle so that Valentina can’t quite see. When she turns back, her expression is wiped clean of emotion. There have been breathtaking moments when it feels like there isn’t a single atom of space between them, but now isn’t one of them. 

Valentina shuffles on her feet because her mind is hazy and she isn’t sure how to proceed. She tries to think of another way to fill the silence but fails. She lets out a long sigh and raises her trembling hand to her forehead, before swiping it through her hair. Her brain screams with questions, countless and aching, and they must be visible in her eyes, but Juliana keeps her gaze trained on the ground.

“Talk to me, please.” Her voice is wet and shaky like all her worry has gathered in her throat, seeping into every word as it exits. Juliana must hear it too, because she looks up at her with wide, glossed eyes and her gaze roams over Valentina’s face as if she is trying to commit every inch of it, washed in the golden glow of the sun dropping slowly into the ocean, to memory. 

Valentina hesitates a moment before stepping into Juliana’s space, before slipping a hand over her elbow, up her arm, over her shoulder. She stills at the base of Juliana’s neck and feels the girl shudder under her touch. Valentina understands when Juliana closes her eyes and breathes deeper. She tilts her head just the slightest bit, and the line of her jaw brushes against Valentina’s wrist. 

They stand there in silence for long moments that seem to stretch on forever until Valentina whispers, “Juls, I just need to know if you’re okay.” The only crack in Juliana’s composure is the heavy rise and fall of her chest. She says nothing, though. She doesn’t nod or shake her head. She doesn’t confirm or deny. She doesn’t move or make a sound and instead only opens her eyes to look at her with a breathtaking intensity. 

Licking her lips, Valentina draws in a cool, clean breath and lets it out in a shaky sigh. She shivers when gentle fingers reach up to her face, lightly caressing her cheekbone, a touch so feather light she feels it all the way to her toes. She lifts her free hand to wrap it around Juliana’s wrist and hold it there. She closes her eyes and revels in the warmth of the girl’s palms around her cheeks. 

For a moment she forgets where she is, but when she opens her eyes again, Juliana is looking at her with the weight of the world in her gaze. A wave of unease runs through her and she tightens her hold around the girl’s wrist, afraid she’ll slip away from her again. They stare at one another only seconds before Juliana’s gaze flickers away, and Valentina sighs as she watches her mask slip back into place and all the answers in her eyes fade back to obstinate brown. 

Juliana slowly pulls her hands away from Valentina’s face and takes a step back, putting some space between them. Valentina has to bite down on the inside of her mouth to keep her reaction from her face. Juliana shakes her head, just slightly, lets out a staggered breath and whispers, “No, I’m not okay..” 

Brown eyes widen a bit, as if she didn’t intend to say the words aloud, and she stiffens in place. Her lips move wordlessly for a moment, and Valentina tries to fill in the blanks Juliana doesn’t seem to want to. She feels like the world has suddenly shrunken down around them and left nothing free but their trembling lips and their wide eyes frozen open on one another. 

Juliana runs a hand through her hair and starts to pace in front of her. Discomfort itches along the back of her neck and down her spine, and Valentina’s heart still feels like it is trying to pound its way out of her chest. She presses a hand over her ribs and rubs the spot above the frantic organ as she takes several deep breaths. Juliana follows the motions of her hand, and Valentina watches her eyes widen even further. 

“God, I’m so sorry, Val..” Her eyes are haunted, her body tense like that of a wild animal trapped inside a cage. “I never meant to hurt you.. I never meant for you to find out this way.”

Valentina’s heart thuds heavily in her chest, beats out a harsh rhythm to match the way her stomach rolls. “Find out what?” Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Valentina shakes her head. “What happened back there, Juls? Because I don’t understand what’s going on?” 

Juliana stares at her for a long moment and she looks so incredibly pale right now that it hurts to look at her. Her hands clench in and out of fists and her eyes blink too hard for comfort and her jaw sets like it is turning into stone.

“God, I’m such an idiot!” she suddenly blurts out, throwing her hands up. “This is all my fault! What the hell was I even thinking?!” 

The words make Valentina’s stomach bottom out, and her mouth goes dry. “Juls, what are you talking about?”

Juliana seems to struggle with her reply, tongue running over her lips and swallowing hard. When she finally does speak, her voice is quiet; unsure as her words leave her mouth. “I don’t think you want to hear my answer.”

Valentina’s chest floods with dread. “Why wouldn’t I?” Her voice comes out strained, hardly more than a whisper. She doesn’t look away, doesn’t blink. It feels like the most important thing she’s ever done. “There’s nothing you could tell me that would make me not want to be with you. Nothing.” She keeps her voice steady despite the way Juliana’s eyes make her want to shatter into pieces.

Juliana swallows thickly, and Valentina watches her throat move with the action. It is an easier sight to digest than the rising flood in those beautiful brown eyes. Sighing, Juliana shakes her head. “You don’t know that..” 

She inhales as if she’s about to say something more but closes her mouth and shakes her head instead. The silence that settles in is thick, riddles with tension that neither knows how to break so they just let it build and flow until it becomes too hard to breathe. 

Valentina closes her eyes, her heart hammering so hard that she is sure Juliana can hear it. She really doesn’t know how to respond to that. She wants to say that, yes, she is sure of it. But there’s something in Juliana’s expression that makes her hesitate. 

“There’s things… about me..” Juliana finally breaks the silence, and then her head dips just slightly. Valentina starts to say something, but before she can get the words out, Juliana looks back up at her and continues, “Things that I need to tell you.. stuff you should know before..” she cuts herself off, and her voice croaks with every word. Valentina aches at the sound. 

The hard huff of air she releases sounds too heavy, too weathered for her age; Juliana sounds the same way Valentina feels- in despair, lost, and disorientated. 

“Look, I like you… I like you a lot. And I just hope that after I tell you this.. things won’t change between us.” Valentina’s heart clenches in her chest at the fear in Juliana’s expression. Her eyes are so expressive, even when she tries to hold everything beneath the surface. “Because.. I’m afraid you’ll leave me once you know the truth about me.”

It’s only whisper but it echoes through her mind, and Valentina shakes her head, unable to say anything. Her throat feels like it is closing around a fist and she waits with her insides twisted and trembling.

“I don’t want to lose you, Val.. I can’t lose you too.” Juliana’s words are so soft that Valentina has to hold her breath to make them audible. “But I can’t change who I am.. And I have to accept that there are some things I can’t possibly control.” She pauses a moment and clears her throat. “I don’t want to hide things from you.. because you deserve to know the truth about me.”

Valentina blinks a few times to clear away the wet haze from her eyes and focuses on Juliana, unsure where this conversation leads to. “Hey,” she whispers, reaching out to grasp the other girl’s arm. “You can tell me anything.” Their hands slide down each other’s arms until their fingers are clasping, both giving a quiet, shuddery gasp at the contact, and they squeeze briefly before letting go.

They fall into silence again, and Valentina feels like there is an invisible force pressing down on her chest making it hard for her to breathe. Juliana’s eyes are unfocused now, distant. She stares off into the ocean, but it’s clear she sees something else. Silence follows for an achingly long moment before Juliana speaks again. “I don’t want to lead you on or anything because I’d rather not hurt you..”

Valentina’s stomach lurches with her growing unease. “Lead me on? How- I don’t understand?” She presses a hand to her temple and rubs small circles there with her fingers.

“I’m not sure I fully understand it myself.” Juliana stares like she is suddenly somewhere far away, drifting. Valentina’s stomach stirs again, uncomfortable. “You’re kind of scaring me..” she whispers and she’s never been so glad to see the barest hint of a smile on Juliana’s face.

“If you’re scared.. then you can imagine what it’s like for me.” There’s such unexpected gentleness in her voice, Valentina can only blink at her. They stare at one another a long moment and Juliana’s next words are so quiet that Valentina doesn’t catch them. She moves closer and whispers, “What?”

Juliana huffs out a breath through her nose and casts her eyes upward as if whatever it was she said and is about to repeat is pure torture to push through her lips. When her gaze shifts back to Valentina, she whispers, “I just hope you keep looking at me like that.” 

Her brown eyes widen when those words slip free, as if part of her wishes she could suck them right out of the air and back through her lips, back into silence.

“How do I look at you?” Valentina breathes, her heart rate picking up a notch.

“Like I’m- I don’t know..” she whispers, and Valentina sees the smile pushing at Juliana’s lips. She tries to smile in response, but she can feel it shake around the edges. “..Special.”

Valentina’s breath ignites in her throat and burns in the dry hollow where words should reside but don’t. She’s stunned silent in the wake of a single word, because she knows that Juliana has never been as courageous as she is in this moment. She’s breathless with it. She watches as Juliana’s tongue flicks out over her bottom lip like this quiet moment of bravery has sapped her dry and she can’t decide if she wants to propel it further forward or bury it back inside her chest. 

“I..” Valentina tries but Juliana shakes her head and steps in closer. She searches Valentina’s eyes for a moment before she speaks again. “Let me ask you something. Do you ever wonder what it would be like if fairytales were true?”

Valentina shakes her head in confusion and lets out a helpless little laugh. “What, like Cinderella?” she counters, trying to lighten the mood. “Are you my prince charming?” 

When another laugh escapes her, Valentina revels in it. She revels in the feeling of the laughter bubbling up from her belly and spilling through her lips. She revels in the joy of it for only a moment and then reality seeps in. The sound of her laughter chokes and dies in her throat, and Valentina’s smile falters and then falls. 

Juliana’s follows. “Okay, maybe not that sort of fairytale. I’m talking about folklore like vampires, mermaids, witches..” 

Valentina nods slowly, simply watching Juliana and letting the silence seep in. She only lets in linger between them for a moment, though, before she says, “I don’t know. Why are you asking me that?” 

Juliana bites her bottom lip, her eyes shifting between Valentina’s. “I mean, who’s to say they don’t exist? Just look at us. We look normal. Don’t you ever wonder if they originated from any sort of truth?” she says, and Valentina’s brows furrow. She hasn’t got a clue where Juliana is going with this, but she doesn’t say anything. 

“It’s hard for people to accept something they don’t understand.. they won’t accept that everything can’t be explained, and it scares them.” Juliana pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and shakes her head. “You know, my mother always told me that fear was an emotion people tried to avoid, but no matter what, everyone has a fear of something. Avoidance is a good way to deny what you’re afraid of.”

Valentina gapes at the sudden fire in Juliana’s eyes. The change is jarring, and it takes her a moment to adjust. To react. To respond. “Uh, y-yeah,” she stutters. “I guess so?”

“How many people believe in ghosts and aliens or have claimed to see one?” Juliana sounds unlike herself- so very quiet, and distracted, as if she’s not quite aware that she is speaking aloud. “I’m sure it is a scary experience because it’s different and we don’t understand. But do you honestly think that everyone who has heard or saw something extraordinary is crazy or wrong for believing?” 

Valentina touches her forehead, confused. What does this have to do with what happened? Why are they even discussing this topic? This whole conversation is way too confusing for her. “I don’t know.. I never really thought of it like that.” she whispers honestly. “But why don’t you just tell me what you’re trying to get at?” 

Juliana pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and chews on it. “Do you believe in mermaids? Or.. sirens?”

Valentina’s brows jump up and lets out a rasp of a laugh, caught completely off guard by the question. “Oh my God, now you want me to believe in mermaids? This is getting a bit farfetched, don’t you think?”

Juliana continues to stare at her. Her jaw clenches, works back and forth for a moment. “Maybe… Maybe not.”

Valentina blinks and another quiet, slightly unsure laugh shakes through her lips. With a small shake of her head, she swallows down the growing knot in her throat. “My mother used to tell me stories about them. But no, I don’t actually believe in their existence. Do you?” 

The sheer vulnerability in Juliana’s eyes is enough to leave her breathless. “Yes, I do.”

Valentina gapes, stunned for a moment, before bursting into laughter. It is hard and raspy. “Are you serious?” she gasps through her laughter. Juliana doesn’t smile though. She just studies her, frowning as if she’s pondering something. “Right..” Valentina adds slowly, drawing out the word, because she isn’t sure how to approach this new information. 

The toe of Juliana’s boot scuffs against the sand and she shifts in place. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt different from everyone else. Not special, by any means.. Just different. Always looking for something but never really knowing what that something is.”

She draws in a shaky breath, and her arms are wrapped so tightly around her chest like she’s trying to comfort herself. “I can picture myself in kindergarten, wiggling and squirming while the other kids sat quietly and listened to the teacher. I really wanted to pay attention, but when my teachers were talking I’d get bored after a few minutes. Their words would get all jumbled up, and my mind would wander. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stay focused. When I asked a question, the other girls laughed at me because I was usually asking about something the teacher had just explained. After a while, I stopped asking questions.”

Valentina lets her eyes fall shut, heart hammering away in her chest, absorbing Juliana’s words. A growing sense of unease wells up inside of her, unsure where her words are leading. 

“It was hard for me to make friends. The other girls didn’t want me around. I figured it was because there was something wrong with me.” She pauses for a moment and Valentina opens her eyes to look at her, her palms damp and her stomach churning. “Boys treated me differently, though. I never wanted their attention.. I hated their attention, and tried to avoid it whenever possible. Mostly it wasn’t possible.. And all the other girls hated me for it and spread rumors about me.”

Valentina’s eyes sting and water and she slaps a hand over her mouth. “That’s…That’s horrible..” Unconsciously, she moves closer, just a little as if their bodies are tethered together by an invisible cord.

“Yes, it was.” Juliana whispers, sounding pained. “I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I would never fit in, and that everyone knew me as the weird girl. That moment led me to the point of hating school even more, and all I wanted was to leave the city. I remember sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing because I was too young to just leave and never return. I cried because I hated being stuck in a city I couldn’t stand, and from ten years old on, I spend as much time as I could dreaming of where I would move to next. I heard about Europe, and it became my new paradise that I wanted to go to. I spent hours daydreaming of a different life that I could not have.”

Juliana runs a hand through her hair, blinking her eyes furiously. “Since childhood I’ve been a loner and introverted person, and maybe that’s the reason I created an imaginary friend. She kept telling me that I didn’t have to try to fit in and be like everyone else around me. And I remember feeling a sense of finally being free. But it wasn’t real. It was all in my mind.” 

Valentina is at a loss for words. Her heart breaks a little for Juliana, her pain living inside her, roaring in her chest. She wants to reach out to the girl and hold her, to fight the demons from her past- to fight them together. 

The air rushes out of her in a heavy sigh when Juliana takes a step forward to eliminate the space between them. “But you are real,” she whispers, and though Juliana doesn’t touch her, Valentina is comforted even by the warmth radiating from the girl’s body. “You make me feel normal. You make me feel like I belong.”

Deep, brown eyes bore into blue ones with a fierce intensity. “I’m afraid because you make me feel things I’m not sure I’m ready to feel.. want things I’m not sure I’m ready to want. I’ve been really good at keeping myself isolated so I wouldn’t engage my heart. So good that I’m not sure I can stop. I’m really talented at not feeling things anymore, Val.”

“I don’t buy it,’” Valentina whispers, shaking her head slightly. “You’re warm and caring. You can’t be those things without feeling something.” 

Tension builds and sparks between their bodies until Valentina aches with it, until her fingers are itching to touch. She closes her eyes when Juliana beats her to it, slender fingers dusting over the points of her elbows and trailing up toward her shoulders.

“I’m afraid of you,” Juliana whispers, the words thick in her mouth like the truth is simultaneously too much to speak and too much to swallow. Fingers blaze over Valentina’s collarbones, burning through the material of her blouse, and then inch up onto her neck. “I’m afraid of what you are because I’ve never known anyone like you.. And I’m afraid that if I’ll tell you, I’ll lose you because of who I am.”

Juliana’s fingertips brush along the lines of her jaw and Valentina leans into the touch, unable to stop herself. The tension in her body is drawn so tight that she has to fight the urge to allow her spine to bend and bow forward, press her into Juliana’s angles and curves. Instead, she allows her trembling fingers to slip into the wave of Juliana’s hair. 

She pulls to eliminate the remaining space between them, and the breath that shakes free from her lungs is lost against Juliana’s lips. The kiss is a heady mixture of hard and soft, shallow and deep, like they are somehow still skirting around each other while simultaneously diving in. It only lasts several seconds before Valentina rubs her nose against Juliana’s, a gentle press, and then she whispers, “You won’t lose me.”

Juliana takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, as if bracing herself. “What if I told you I’m able to do things a normal person can’t do?” 

Valentina’s breath catches in her throat and she leans back slightly to look into Juliana’s eyes. “Things? Like what?”

Juliana looks down for a second before raising her eyes to Valentina. She sucks in a shaky breath as if gathering her courage. “Force people to do things they don’t really want to. Stay under the water for an hour or more.. without ever having to breathe.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your support!!! Love to read your comments :)

Chapter 14

Juliana looks down for a second before raising her eyes to Valentina. She sucks in a shaky breath as if gathering her courage. “Force people to do things they don’t really want to. Stay under the water for an hour or more.. without ever having to breathe.” 

Her voice is so breathless and terrified that for a dizzying moment, all Valentina can do is stare at her. Standing like a statue, her eyes wide, her mouth gaping open. Juliana’s words seem to echo on, hanging in the salty air around them and slowly, very slowly, sinking into her mind. Her response is so unexpected, so shocking, that Valentina wonders if she actually heard her right. 

“W-What?” she chokes out dumbfounded, blinking away the stinging sensation in her eyes. She takes a step back reflexively and stares at Juliana, hoping to see a twinkle of amusement in her brown eyes, but Valentina can tell by her expression that she’s deadly serious. 

“Juls..” She staggers back another step, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. Her throat suddenly feels too tight and itching, and though she swallows to try to soothe it, the ache persists. She shakes her head, trying to clear her confusion and make some sense of Juliana’s words, trying to fit them into a puzzle that have no other parts. 

Force people to do things. Stay under the water without having to breathe. That sounds an awful lot like.. No. Surely Juliana isn’t.. No. It’s just not possible, her common sense whispers, cutting through the fog in her brain. Human beings cannot breathe underwater. Human beings cannot force someone to act a certain way against their will. None of this can possibly be real; they’re not living in a fairy tale. 

But then Juliana’s earlier words come rushing back in a torrent of realization. ‘Do you ever wonder what it would be like if fairy tales were true? Who’s to say they don’t exist? Just look at us. We look normal. It’s hard for people to accept something they don’t understand. They won’t accept that everything can’t be explained, and it scares them.’ 

Her gaze flickers back up to Juliana’s face as if she’s trying to see her- really see her- for the first time. But despite her now-terrified expression, Juliana still looks exactly the same. She’s still the same extremely beautiful girl Valentina fell in love with, the same girl who made her feel things she’d only ever fantasized about. 

Juliana can’t be any of the things that keep flashing through her mind, she can’t possibly be some kind of magical creature out of a storybook. It’s such a crazy thought that Valentina has to shake it out of her head, can’t process it yet. Her fists clench so hard she’s sure her nails are going to draw blood against the skin of her palms and her chest starts to ache. She forces her fingers to spread back out, takes a deep steadying breath. 

There has to be another explanation. Maybe it’s a test? A test for what she doesn’t know, but it must be. Or some kind of joke, which is unfunny and has no punchline that would ever make it funny. Any minute now Juliana’s going to laugh, she’s going to tell her not to take everything so seriously and that it was all just a joke. Not funny. 

“You’re kidding, right?” Valentina whispers, struggling to keep her composure, and she tries to ignore the perceptible flinch Juliana gives at that. “Please tell me you’re kidding.” She hates how unsure she sounds. If this is really just a test, she knows she’s failing miserably.

Juliana closes her eyes and her face drains of what little color is left in it. She takes a deep breath, shoulders heaving, and silence creeps in on them until it feels like it is digging at Valentina’s flesh. When Juliana finally opens her eyes again, they are wide and glossed. Breathtaking. “No, I’m not..” 

Valentina blinks rapidly and turns away from Juliana, away from the emotional black hole she’s tumbling into, her hand coming up to push a strand of hair behind her ear. She lets out an humorless laugh and it tastes bitter in her mouth. She’s torn inside, so many emotions running through her and all of them conflicting. It’s a vulnerable and terrifying feeling.

“So, what are you trying to tell me?” she chokes out, turning back to face Juliana, her expression contorted with both her anxiety and confusion. “That you’re.. you’re a-“ She mentally chokes on the thought, her words cutting off abruptly. “Can you please get to the point? My imagination is running wild with all sorts of crazy possibilities.” The words breeze through her lips, and she hears the weight of them press into Juliana’s slight, barely there gasp. Her shaky exhale. “So, tell me… what are you?” 

Hurt flashes all over Juliana’s face and she looks heartbreakingly uncomfortable, her emotions so bare that it almost hurts to look at her. “I’m,” she starts, picking at her shirt and failing to meet Valentina’s eyes. From the looks of her expression, Juliana wants to be doing anything but answering that question. She shakes her head, as if to herself before looking at Valentina again. She visibly swallows, her chin lifting a little and a look in her eyes like she’s bracing for something. 

“I’m a..” Juliana says again and Valentina tenses, feels what’s coming and isn’t nearly emotionally prepared enough for it. “I’m a siren,” she croaks out after several long, agonizing seconds, and her anxiety is almost palpable. “At least I think I am..”

The magnitude of her words wash over Valentina with such force that she stumbles back a few steps before regaining her footing. She presses a hand over her mouth to muffle a sob, her wide eyes anxiously scanning Juliana’s face. It’s all just a joke, right? But Juliana just stands there, frozen and fearful, and Valentina doesn’t understand it. Why would she make up something like that? Why-

Her heart is suddenly in her mouth, and she cannot silence it. It demands to be heard. It jumps out of her, a desperate cry, and Valentina can’t bring herself to care or regret it. “Are you serious right now?” she chokes out incredulously. “Juls, what are you talking about? Why would you even say something like that to me?” 

Her eyes burn furiously and she presses a hand over them, glancing away from Juliana’s face. “Do you know how crazy you sound? Do you-” She cuts herself off, because she doesn’t know how to voice all the confusion swirling around in her head. “I don’t-“ she tries again, but when her voice cracks, she doesn’t dare continue, chest heaving with the effort of bringing air into her lungs.

“Val..” Juliana’s voice is soft now, laced with a breathless kind of panic, and Valentina aches at the sound of it. She glances up to see conflicted, worried eyes watching her. She hadn’t heard the girl move but Juliana is closer to her now, just a step or two as if their bodies are tethered together by an invisible cord. Valentina wipes at her face, pressing her palm into the skin as if she could rub away her thoughts along with the tears they inspire. 

“I don’t understand,” she croaks, because that’s all she can say. Her chest feels tight and she tries to find the strength somewhere inside her to have this conversation when all she wants to do is run from it. Either that or run straight into Juliana’s arms and just forget this whole thing ever happened. But she knows, she just knows, she will never be able to forget the look on the girl’s face right now. 

“You’re not making any sense,” Valentina breathes. “It’s just not possible.”

“It is,” Juliana insists and Valentina feels overwhelmed with an onslaught of feelings from all different directions. 

“You’re lying,” she argues, snapping a little. The words are ripped out of her even as she cringes at herself. Juliana looks takes aback by the suggestion that she’s lying, a look of hurt shadowing her face. “I’m not lying, Valentina. I swear. I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”

Valentina shakes her head, too confused to know how to respond properly. She starts to pace a little, letting her brain take over and piece together everything Juliana’s been saying. Running her hand down her face, Valentina tries to take steady breaths and remind herself how to think like a rational human being that doesn’t let emotion control her every thought process. 

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out quietly, glancing up into the Juliana’s watery eyes. “That didn’t come out the way I meant it.” All the words come out in a comprehensible order and she’s proud of herself because her brain is screaming about a million different things. It’s a wonder she’s still capable of speech at all. “I’m having trouble thinking clearly right now.”

“I know,” Juliana replies, smiling softly. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” she lies, trying to fight the wobble of her bottom lip. “I’m just-“ she waves helplessly around with her hand, hoping Juliana understands.

“I know,” Juliana assures, and Valentina sighs at the way that Juliana always seems to know what she needs, what she wants to say without ever having to actually say it. There is something so incredibly soothing about that, something thrilling, something terrifying. Something right.

They’re silent for long moments, standing a few feet apart before Juliana curls into herself like she no longer knows what to do. She blows out a breath, looks away for a second before locking gazes with Valentina, tension evident around her eyes. 

“I know this is a lot,” she says softly, carefully even, like Valentina’s liable to break at any moment. “But I thought you deserved to know. I don’t want there to be secrets between us.”

Valentina thinks this might be the point where she should say ‘thank you’, but she’s not sure it would come out sounding sincere. All she really wants to do is go back to an hour ago where her biggest concern was how to be in a restaurant with Juliana and not want to kiss her. “Okay,” is all she can say. 

Seconds later, before Valentina can do anything about it, Juliana crosses the distance between them and wraps her up in her arms. Valentina’s head goes immediately into Juliana’s shoulder, her hands tangling into the soft fabric of Juliana’s shirt. She can’t help the way her entire body sags into the contact, loosens entirely from the tense moments before, and she buries herself deeper into the feeling of Juliana surrounding her. It feels like she could cry if she let herself, but she doesn’t, just closes her eyes and shuts out the world for a peaceful minute.

They hold each other for a long and quiet moment until Valentina knows she needs to step away before she becomes both physically and emotionally incapable of doing so. With a soft clearing of her throat she moves just enough that Juliana notices and releases her hold, allowing Valentina to back away from her.

“I don’t really know what to say. I mean-“ Valentina pauses and runs a shaky hand through her hair, trying to find the right words. “I don’t know how to do this. It’s just too much, too confusing.” 

Juliana ducks her head a bit, not meeting Valentina’s eyes when she whispers, “I know, Val.. I know it’s a lot, and I know how ridiculous it sounds.” Her voice is shaky enough that Valentina wants to take back her earlier words. She wants to wrap Juliana up in a tight hug and soothe away her anxiety. She doesn’t do any of that, though, and just let’s Juliana keep talking. “I have a hard time with it myself. I’m sort of new to this whole thing. I just recently learned that I was a-”

“A siren,” Valentina finishes, pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing. Then she finds herself laughing helplessly, almost doubling over with the ridiculousness of it all, the sound of it at such contrast with the tense feeling that’s stretched between them. She probably has something like emotional whiplash. Juliana stares at her with confusion furrowed between her eyebrows. 

“A siren,” Valentina manages to repeat between laughs. Juliana’s eyes widen before a tentative smile breaks across her face too. Something small, and vulnerable, and yet so sweet Valentina’s breath catches. It’s a little awkward to be smiling at each other like nothing has changed when so much has. It’s a little awkward, but Valentina finds herself not wanting to be anywhere else, with anyone else.

“Yeah, you see what I mean? I still can’t bring myself to even say it,” Juliana jokes, but it comes out sounding broken. Her smile slowly vanishes, replaced by an earnest almost pained look on her face. The urge to put that smile back on Juliana’s face thrums through her and Valentina swallows against the pain in her chest. Her heart beats much too quickly and she presses a little to her sternum, Juliana’s eyes watching the motion for a moment.

“I thought if I didn’t say it out loud, it wouldn’t be real,” she softly continues, shaking her head and glancing away. “And I probably wouldn’t believe either if it weren’t for these abilities I have that I can’t explain.”

“Well, that’s not very convincing.” Valentina counters without thinking, her words coming out way too harsh, and Juliana’s gaze snaps back up so rapidly Valentina jumps a little. She regrets it immediately, but she’s tired. Tired of having this conversation. Tired of feeling so confused and unbalanced. Her head wars violently with her heart and all she can do is try to get air into her lungs.

“I think it’s because I’ve been trying to fight it,” Juliana whispers, looking at her with a look of such sadness that Valentina feels it seep into her, chilling down her spine. “I didn’t want to believe it. I never asked for any of this. I had no desire to be different, I just wanted to be normal.” 

It hits her in the chest so hard Valentina has trouble catching her breath for a second. Every cell in her body wants to press forward, push into Juliana’s body and put her arms around her. Juliana looks about as unsteady as Valentina feels; she looks so ready to fall into her arms. Valentina wants to let her, so badly. 

“But that isn’t in the cards for me and I have to accept it.” Juliana continues quietly. “There’s something inside me, something primal that’s hard to control. And no matter how hard I try to fight it, it doesn’t feel right to not believe even if I still have my doubts.”

Valentina studies Juliana for a few seconds and she shuffles a bit in place. The urge to wipe away the furrow in Juliana’s brow with her thumb is so strong she has to put her hands behind her back to resist it. “Well, if you really feel all these things.. How can you not believe?”

Juliana looks a little lost at that, mouth floundering to find words. “I don’t know,” she replies in a small voice that makes Valentina wince. She waits for more, but nothing else comes and she can practically feel the tension coming from Juliana, suffocating the air around them. 

Valentina fiddles with her fingers, bites a little at her lip. “Maybe it’s because you don’t want to.” She’s grateful her voice stays steady even as her fingers shake with the roller coaster of emotion her body has gone through in the last hour. 

Juliana stills at the words and under Valentina’s soft, encouraging gaze, she seems to draw upon hidden reserves. “Well, I don’t know,” she begins tentatively. Her words are spoken so quietly that Valentina feels herself pull forward to catch them all. “I don’t know what to believe. I’m not even sure who I am anymore. I mean, I’ve done my research.. I think I’ve read every single book about sirens, and I can relate to some of the things they mention.. But I’m different.”

Valentina just blinks at her. She doesn’t really know how to respond. She wants to ask her what she means, but her voice is lost in her throat. Juliana looks up then, as if she heard Valentina’s question in her mind and runs a shaky hand through her hair. 

“Sirens live in the ocean on an island encircled by rocks, traveling in schools like fish.” She chokes out a laugh and shakes her head, motioning with her hand toward the ocean. “Well, obviously, I don’t live in the water and I don’t have fins… And travelling in schools?” she states with a wry laugh. “I don’t have any friends or family. I mean, I’ve never even seen another siren.” 

Juliana bites her bottom lip and tilts her head back slightly to look at the sky, a lone tear running down her cheek. “So, what does that make me? Half siren? Half human?” she whispers, turning her watery eyes back to Valentina. “Does this mean I’m doomed to never belong anywhere?”

“No! You’re not doomed, Juls!” The words burst up and out before Valentina can stop them, and instinct pushes her forward as if to walk straight into Juliana’s arms, but she pulls back a little, hesitating. 

She takes a deep breath and holds it, her eyes still fixed on Juliana. “It doesn’t matter what you are.” She means it, she means it so sincerely that she chokes on the last syllable, lets out a sob before she can silence it, and claps a hand over her mouth. 

“What does that mean?” Juliana whispers, studying her with clear vulnerability. 

Valentina feels a familiar tug deep inside her, almost as if she’s compelled by some invisible force to always be closer to Juliana. She is drawn to her, itching to be near her and Valentina can’t fight any of it. Juliana presses into the palm of her hand as it cups around the girl’s cheek, blowing out a shaky breath. Her brown eyes flutter closed and she bites her bottom lip. Valentina gets distracted by the motion for a short second.

“It means,” she murmurs, the heat of Juliana’s body burning through her clothes as they press close, their chest just barely brushing, “That I don’t how much I really believe.. and I might need some time to think things over,” Valentina confesses and it’s both a relief and immensely painful to let the words out, but she needs to put this out there between them. Biting the bullet and just talking about it seems to be the soundest strategy. Juliana’s eyes are rimmed with red like she’s one second away from crying and Valentina knows if that starts neither of them will stop. 

She’s looking for the words to convey what she’s feeling, but there’s just so much all at once. No matter how insane any of it sounds, Juliana is the constant force in her world that always makes sense. Even now, with tears threatening to fall in both of their eyes, Valentina feels centered, tethered to something. Her mind feels clear even as it gets muddled up by all that’s going on. 

“Juls, what you’re saying is really confusing, and I want to believe you,” she says, smoothing out the wrinkled skin on Juliana’s forehead with her hand. “I think there’s nothing insincere about what you’re telling me. I believe that you believe it’s real.” It feels important to clarify. “Just give me some time to think it over, okay?”

Juliana nods. “Yeah, of course,” she whispers, making no move to resist her touch. If anything, she sags towards it, leaning forward a little. Valentina tries to stop her brain from memorizing the way Juliana’s face looks, the way her eyes are the prettiest shade of brown she’s ever seen. 

Juliana’s about to look away, but Valentina releases her hand from the girl’s cheek and takes hold of her chin to remain their eye-contact. “But I do know that I don’t care what you are.” Juliana lets out a quiet sigh as Valentina’s thumb swipes through a tear on her cheek. “I care about who you are, Juls… I love the person I’m getting to know. And no matter how messy and complicated things get, I’m willing to take a chance on you. We’ll figure things out. Together.” 

Juliana’s face lights up with a smile that Valentina hopes never fades, and she watches the girl’s body slump with relief. Carefully, Valentina reaches for Juliana’s hand and laces their fingers together. Both their palms are damp with sweat but Valentina’s so far beyond caring about a little excessive perspiration. 

Juliana tilts her head slightly to bring their foreheads together and Valentina sighs when slender fingers glide along the slide of her neck and press into the hair at the base of her head. She closes her eyes and inhales the feeling of being this close to Juliana, letting it calm them both in a way little else can. The adrenaline from before leaves her so swiftly that she feels like she could lie down and sleep for a day.

But then a new wave of worry washes over her, because if what Juliana is saying is true, she isn’t sure how this can work between them. She knows it is far too dangerous to bury so many pieces of her heart in a girl she might someday lose. It’s far too dangerous, and yet here they are. But she knows, she just knows, it is far too late to let go, to prevent the shattering pain of heartbreak should it come. Valentina can only hope they will find a way to make this work, because if they can’t, she will forever be broken.

“Juls,” she whispers into the inches of space between them, nervously biting her lip. She struggles to phrase her question tactfully. She needs to know for herself, she needs to know what’s going on in Juliana’s head so she can maybe make sense of it all. “You wouldn’t use your… powers.. or magic, or whatever you wanna call it, on me… right?” It’s a whisper, nothing more. Just an earnest question on a shallow breath.

She might as well have shouted, because Juliana’s body jerks almost violently. She pulls back in shock and looks at Valentina with wide eyes. “What?!” she says with such incredulity that Valentina feels a twinge of guilt at having thought such a thing. “No! God, no! Even if I could, I would never force you to anything, Val,” she says with a look on her face like she might cry at any moment. Valentina feels that emotion so sharply in her gut that heat spikes in her own eyes. “Please, don’t ever think that.” 

Valentina nods, biting her lip. “Okay. I trust you.” She keeps her breath measured, trying not to break the moment as she studies Juliana’s face. All she gets is a softness in the way that Juliana looks at her and a moment to realize that she’s leaning in. 

Juliana kisses her. It’s gentle and hesitant. Her lips are uncertain against Valentina’s, pressing into her and sliding over her bottom lip as if she’s never done it before. It’s different from their previous kisses. Infinitely more tender than Valentina knows how to cope with. 

“Juls,” she breathes out, still kissing her. It suddenly tastes like tears between their lips and Valentina’s not sure which one of them has started to cry, but she can’t stop kissing, can’t stop pulling Juliana closer, always closer. 

“Please..” she breathes into her mouth, unsure what she’s asking for. She doesn’t know how to explain that she’s been craving this contact. The desire- no, the need- to feel every inch of Juliana’s body on her is more intense than even Valentina herself understands. The way Juliana’s mouth seeks her own after that admission, at first gentle, then with quiet ferocity, makes Valentina think that maybe she isn’t alone in that respect. 

Valentina slides her hand into Juliana’s hair and hold the back of her neck as their lips meet again. Valentina thinks maybe Juliana wants this a badly as she does, because in the same moment, Juliana’s hand comes up to rest against the side of her face; softly holding her in place, both cupping her cheek and resting against her jaw. She captures Valentina’s lips once more in a lengthy exchange that leaves her breathless and tingling all over when they eventually separate. 

“What was that for?” she breathes into the inches of space between their lips, running her slender fingers over Juliana’s jaw, then up over the shell of her ear.

“A thank you,” Juliana whispers, voice hoarse and thick. “For everything. For being you.” She touches Valentina’s cheek, her chin, the contours of her lips, eyes tracking the movements of slightly shaking fingers. She touches her so gently, like Valentina might disappear if she applied more pressure. Valentina hardly dares to breathe, to disturb the air. A smile spreads over her face to match the one on Juliana’s and everything feels okay for a second. 

In the ensuing quiet Valentina feels as if her heart is going to burst right out of her chest. She presses her lips together, swallows against the tight ball of emotion clogging her throat. She realizes a lot of things in that moment, wants to say so much, but she stays silent as she tries to decide on what to say first.

“I think I wish I could read your thoughts,” Juliana whispers into the silence, bringing her hand up to brush Valentina’s hair out of her face. She holds on to her cheek. “What are you thinking, Val?”

“This..” She doesn’t let herself overthink it. She could, but she won’t. She steps in and wraps her arms around Juliana, and the heavy breath that escapes the girl makes her feel like she’s collapsing. Juliana returns the embrace, clutching at her back and resting her chin on Valentina’s shoulder.

“Juls,” Valentina whispers carefully after a long moment, her heart starting to thud heavily at the direction the conversation is taking. Juliana must realize it too because she stiffens a little against her. “What happened inside the restaurant?” 

It’s one of the questions she’s been dying to ask, and maybe it’s easier for Juliana to talk like this, so that she doesn’t have to look into her eyes. She remains silent so long Valentina thinks she just won’t answer, but Juliana surprises her once again.

“I lost control..” she softly confesses, tightening her grip around Valentina. “I’m really sorry you had to see that.. I-I mean, I’m really sorry you had to see that side of me.”

A wave of protectiveness washes over Valentina at the tremble she can feel in Juliana’s body. “It’s okay,” she assures, nuzzling her nose against Juliana’s skin. She sighs when slender fingers trail up her neck, tangling in the shorter hair at the nape of her neck. 

“When I’m with you, I like to pretend that part of me doesn’t exist, you know, like I’m a normal person.” Juliana’s voice is a soft whisper. A scared soft whisper. “But I physically couldn’t pretend anymore.. because of him.” Valentina’s spine stiffens a little at the mention of Lucho. “I hated the way he treated you, and I couldn’t stand to see you like that. And I don’t know, I- I just couldn’t take it anymore..”

Valentina’s heart skips a beat, and she can’t help but feel some guilt about that. She gently toys with the ends of Juliana’s hair and sucks in a shaky breath. She hopes it comes across as more nonchalant than she feels when she asks, “But what exactly happened at that moment?”

“I don’t really know how to explain it,” Juliana whispers, so soft, almost sounding pained. 

Valentina is silent for a while, trying to replay the moment in her mind, but she’s too focused on the here and now. On the way Juliana’s fingers comb through her hair and cradle her head. “Please, just try.. Can you do that for me?” she whispers against Juliana’s neck, feeling the girl’s shudder through every cell of her body. “I just want to understand, that’s all.”

Juliana’s quiet for a long moment, just breathing in and out deeply. Valentina wishes she could look into the girl’s beautiful brown eyes and read her expression, but she can’t bring herself to loosen her hold. 

“Yeah, okay.. I’ll try,” Juliana finally whispers, burying her face in Valentina’s hair. “I felt something..” she starts, tone slow like she’s not sure she wants to say what she has to say. “Something building up inside me, like a rumbling, starting at the soles of my feet. Then I felt it in the pit of my stomach, slowly crawling up my spine.” 

She pauses for a moment, her breath warm against Valentina’s skin. “It almost felt like- and I know this doesn’t make any sense- as if a thunderstorm was brewing around me, even though, quite obviously, it was happening inside me. I don’t know the words to describe it any better than that. I’m not sure there actually are any better words.”

Valentina hums out a quiet sound of understanding and listens breathlessly as Juliana continues, smoothing her hair. “I tried so hard to contain it, but he just wouldn’t stop being such a jerk. I wanted him to back off and leave you alone. And I just-” She draws in a shaky breath and Valentina feels her lashes flutter against the skin on side of her neck. “I let my emotions get the better part of me.. And if I don’t restrain my emotions, my powers can be dangerous. Something snapped inside me. It was too strong, I couldn’t contain it.. I couldn’t stop it from happening.” 

“What couldn’t you contain?” Valentina whispers, now more anxious than curious.

“I don’t know, it’s like a weird kind of energy?” Juliana explains, but it sounds more like a question than an answer. Valentina keeps silent, sensing Juliana wants to say more, so she waits for it. “It’s in the air, completely surrounding me, deep inside me, compelling me to act against my better judgement.” 

“Juls..” Valentina breathes out, pulling Juliana even closer against her. “That sounds terrifying.. I don’t really know how you do it. I must be so hard for you.”

“It is..” Juliana whispers, after several long seconds. “It’s scary, but it’s also kind of exciting, you know? Most of the time, I have good control over my powers. I only use them when absolutely necessary. At first, I was terrified, to be honest. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. It seemed my behavior was deliberate but I genuinely felt as though I had no control over it.”

A thousand questions start to line up in Valentina’s brain, but she tries to stay on track. “How did you find out? I mean, when was the first time you realized you might have.. abilities?” 

“I didn’t know I had abilities until a year ago.” 

Valentina shivers involuntary and a thread of unease winds its way around her spine. “What happened?”

“My former class mates would gather at the beach for a bonfire every month or so. Against my better judgement, I decided to join them. I just wanted to fit in for once.” She nuzzles her nose against Valentina’s neck and sighs. “There was a boy.. Sergio.. And he-“ she cuts herself off before she continues, “Let’s just say he was very persistent. He wouldn’t take no for an answer when I said I was not interested.”

Valentina freezes. “Did he- Did he hurt you?” she chokes out, and her voice is laced with concern. She pulls back slightly so she can look at Juliana, not sure she wants to hear her answer. “What happened? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Juliana shakes her head, a soft smile spreading across her features. “No, he didn’t hurt me.” She reaches up to touch Valentina’s shoulder, as if trying to ease the tension. “Relax, Val. Come here..” 

Juliana’s arms feel warm and comforting as they circle around the small of her back and draw her back against her. Valentina sighs and lets her body melt against Juliana’s. She can feel the girl’s cold hands sipping beneath her blouse and raking over the hot skin of her back. She shivers.

“Okay, good..” she murmurs softly, the relative calm of her voice wholly at odds with the way her heart is hammering in her chest. She closes her eyes, pressing her body even closer to Juliana. They hold each other close, their faces buried into each other’s necks, when she adds, “I’m so glad he didn’t hurt you.” 

Goosebumps travel up her spine when she feels Juliana’s lips brush against her skin. “Me too.. But it might have ended differently if I didn’t have any powers.” Juliana pauses, tracing idle patterns down Valentina’s back. “I summoned those powers without thinking, without realizing I even had the capability within me. I told him to leave me alone.. and so he did. Without a fight. There were voices surrounding me, but I couldn’t see anyone. They almost compelled me toward the water. It was such a strange and terrifying experience.” 

For a second Valentina let her words sink in. “So you can really force people to do what you want?” she asks after a while, her eyes closed and her fingers still absentmindedly playing with Juliana’s hair.

“Yeah..”

Valentina frowns, replaying the scene in her mind. “But you didn’t say anything at the restaurant? Right? I mean, sirens usually use their voices to affect humans, right?” 

She feels Juliana nod against her neck. “Yes, they usually do.. But my powers work differently. I only use my voice to order people to do things, and they will comply. But I can affect people without using my voice.”

“How?”

Juliana sighs. “I don’t know. I guess it has something to do with the energy around me.. It affects people in some way or another. They drift off into some subconscious trance state.”

“Is that why everyone turned to look at you?”

“Yes..”

“But..” Valentina starts, slightly pulling back enough to look at Juliana. “Then why didn’t I feel anything?” 

Juliana’s eyes stare steadily into her own for a long moment. “My powers don’t affect you,” she whispers. Valentina feels her features shutter in response and Juliana’s expression goes suddenly soft when she sees it. “But that’s a good thing, right?”

Valentina swallows and feels her heartbeat start to stutter into a quicker pace. She tries to slow it and takes a step back to put some distance between them. It shouldn’t hurt to hear such a thing, but it does. She takes a breath before asking, “How is that possible? Is there something wrong with me?”

“No, of course not! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you,” Juliana says with an intensity Valentina doesn’t know what to do with. “I just told you I’m a siren and you’re asking me if there’s something wrong with you?!” Juliana laughs, that real laugh that always makes Valentina smile and her heart flutter.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo sorry for the long wait! But hopefully you're still with me.. Enjoy today's chapter and I love to hear your thoughts.

Chapter 15

Valentina wakes to the sun already low in the sky. Pressing a hand to her face, she smacks around the mattress for her phone. Parting two fingers over her eyes, she peeks at the screen. 7.14 pm. She groans and throws her phone back down, rolling over onto her stomach. She buries her face in the soft curve of her pillow, blocking out the light, because it’s way too sharp and it hurts her eyes. 

The abruptness of the movement causes a wave of nausea to sweep over her, along with a throbbing pain in her head. She groans, and again eases herself into a less miserable position, at the same time reaching for her forehead. She presses her fingers to her temples and tries to swallow, but her mouth feels like a desert. Licking her dry and chapped lips, she mentally scolds herself for falling back into old habits, for reaching for the nearest bottle of Mezcal instead of coping with her emotions.

She hates herself for this weakness, for allowing herself to develop such a self-destructive habit. But like so many times before, she’d been drinking in an attempt to numb herself and to get over the shock of last night’s events. She’d been so stunned, so thrown off balance and tossed upside down, that she just hadn’t been able to help herself. 

This was by far the most confusing and overwhelming situation she’d ever found herself in, and she had no experience of how to handle any of it. She had fallen in love for the first time in her life, open to all possibilities, a readiness to explore, yet at the same time unable to fully comprehend or trust the reality she suddenly found herself facing. 

She could hardly believe some of the things Juliana revealed to her about her life. Because really, how was she supposed to believe something so unfathomable? Sirens were just mythical creatures, silly tales for children. Sure, in her childhood she’d entertained fantasies of going to other worlds, where there would be all kinds of wonderful sights and supernatural people. But she’d grown out of that phase. If she let herself believe such a thing was possible, she’d have to rethink everything she’d ever understood about life. 

But Juliana had seemed so serious, so genuine, that it made her question her beliefs. What was she supposed to do if her world kept changing into something unrecognizable every few days? This whole thing was so far beyond her comprehension of reality that she simply needed something normal, familiar, to ground her. And the bottle was still there, inside her nightstand drawer.

So perhaps she’d been cowardly, but she hadn’t been quite ready to face this strange new world. And when she’d reached for the bottle, she knew exactly how it would make her feel. She just needed a moment of peace, a bit of space. Just a night. 

“Oh, Valentina,” she groans to herself, rubbing her hands down her face. Bracing herself, she pushes herself up into a sitting position and instantly regrets it. Her stomach rolls at the motion, lurches as she lies back down and presses her hands against her eyes again until she sees flashes of light behind her closed eyelids. 

With a deep breath, she tries again a moment later, shifting up and moving to the edge of the bed. It takes a second for her to realize there is a glass of water and two small pills resting on her nightstand. Her brows furrow for a moment but then she figures Chivis must have left them and swallows the pills. The water is cold and soothing as it pours down her throat and she gulps it down slowly.

Her stomach lurches again when she stands, and she quickly makes her way to the bathroom. Thankfully, she doesn’t get sick but she definitely gets close. A glance in the mirror makes her wince. Her hair is stuck up on one side, tangled, but she is too tired to care so she just leaves it the way it is. Using the sink, she splashes water onto her face and rubs the sleep out of her eyes before shuffling down the stairs toward the living room in only her oversized t-shirt, the hem of her boxers peeking out from beneath it.

She grumbles to herself as she passes the kitchen, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. “I’m never drinking again,” she mutters, as another wave of nausea hits her. She breathes deeply and slowly through her nose and exhales through her mouth, willing her nausea to fade. 

“I believe I’ve heard you say that before, my child,” a familiar voice cuts through the quiet room like a knife, much too chipper for the early hour. Valentina cringes a bit at that, but she still turns and leans in for the woman to kiss her cheek. 

“Good morning, Chivis,” she smiles, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Thank you for the pills.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Chivis returns her smile and her eyes dart across Valentina’s face, a tiny frown settling between her brows. She looks like she wants to ask her something, but instead merely shakes her head. “I’ll make you some breakfast.”

Valentina waves dismissively, the thought alone making her sick to her stomach. “Oh, thank you, but don’t bother.. I’m not hungry.” 

Chivis steps closer and hesitantly touches Valentina’s shoulder. “You need to eat something, my child. You look like you’ll pass out any moment.”

“I feel that way,” Valentina says quietly before releasing a raspy laugh. 

The woman’s frown deepens. “Are you okay? Did something happen last night?”

Valentina shakes her head and cringes at the small movement, blinking away the white dots that threaten to obscure her vision. “No. Nothing happened,” she quickly assures, running a shaky hand through her hair. “Why do you ask?”

Chivis studies her for a moment, her fine wrinkles accentuated by the side lightening of the morning sun. “I haven’t seen you drink like this for a while,” she finally says, lowering her voice almost to a whisper. “So, is there something bothering you, my child?”

Valentina bites her lip, refuses the tears in her eyes, and tips her head back, breathing in deeply as if to suck the moisture back. “No, I’m fine, Chivis.” She puts on her best smile and watches the way the woman melts a little under her expression. “Really, I’m fine.”

Chivis doesn’t look entirely convinced but nods her head anyway. Narrow-eyed, she regards Valentina for another few seconds before letting go of her shoulder. “Take a seat and I’ll bring you your coffee and then fix something to eat.”

Valentina sighs in defeat and slowly walks toward the table, sinking into the nearest seat. She places her phone on the table and buries her face in her hands, shaking her head. She sits like that for a moment, listening to Chivis moving around the kitchen, opening and closing drawers. The smell of coffee brewing and bacon frying fills her nostrils and triggers another wave of nausea, the dryness in her throat sending her into a coughing fit. It makes her head hurt even worse and like so many times before, she vows never to drink again. She vows to change her ways, to defeat the urge to drink just so she can numb herself. 

She clutches her head in her hands, feeling absolutely miserable, and jolts upright at the sound of her cell phone buzzing against the table’s hard surface. She quickly reaches down, muting the sound, and as she swipes across the screen, she sees the unanswered calls and messages that Juliana’s sent to her phone over the course of the previous evening. 

[Juliana: 11:05 pm]  
Did you get home safely? X

[Juliana: 11:44 pm]  
Are you asleep?

[Juliana: 11:58 pm]  
I just wanted to thank you for listening.. And I’m sorry for complicating things between us. But you deserved to know the truth about me. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel bad in any way.. 

[Juliana: 07:28 am]  
I’m sorry to bother you again, but I just need to know you’re okay. 

A wave of guilt washes over her and she re-reads Juliana’s messages, her heart rate picking up a notch. She quickly types her reply, but when it comes to sending the message, she hesitates. She isn’t sure what to say, how to say it; isn’t exactly sure how she feels about moving forward yet. So she settles on her initial response. 

[Valentina: 07:30 am]  
I’m okay. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. 

Juliana’s reply comes almost instantly.

[Juliana: 07:30 am]  
You don’t need to apologize, Val. I’m glad you’re okay. 

Valentina closes her eyes and a memory comes flooding back. She sees the way Juliana presses into the palm of her hand as it cups around the girl’s cheek, blowing out a shaky breath, her brown eyes fluttering closed, biting her bottom lip. She’s so beautiful, so trusting and sincere that the memory almost takes Valentina’s breath away. And when the image in her mind starts to fade, she can’t help but want to reach out and hold onto it, not wanting to let it go. 

The realization isn’t nearly as shocking as the fact that despite their differences, their current situation, and the impossibility of it all, her feelings haven’t changed. She still wants Juliana and probably always will. She can’t imagine a day arriving in which she doesn’t want her. That’s about the only truth she believes in. 

She had never intended to fall in love. Not with Juliana. Not with anyone. And yet here she is. Unavoidably in love with a girl who turns out to be a siren. It feels a lot like the point of no return, like wading into uncharted territory without a plan. But somehow that thought isn’t nearly as scary as the thought of losing Juliana.

And all at once her slender fingers move as if of their own accord, dancing across the screen at light speed, and before she can talk herself out of it, she hits the send button. 

[Valentina: 07:33 am]  
Do you want to come over tonight? 

She bites her lip and rests her hand against her forehead, briefly closing her eyes. Everything is such a mess, everything is so confusing. And yet she is sure of one thing: to have Juliana, for as long as she can be with her, is worth every risk. 

Her phone buzzes again, and she nearly drops it in shock. She quickly opens the text and smiles so wide, it feels like her face is splitting in two. And if it makes her already-aching head hurt even more, she refuses to let it ruin her sudden ecstatic mood. 

[Juliana: 07:34 am]  
I’d love to. See you tonight, Val. X

 

*****************************

 

“You have a driver?!” Juliana whispers as she slides into the backseat next to Valentina, her brows wrinkling as if she never even considered the possibility. The leather creaks a little under her weight as she settles herself into the seat, her subtle perfume teasing Valentina’s senses.

For a moment, Valentina can only gape at the girl, who appears to be completely unaware of the effect her proximity has on her. She’s too busy absorbing her surroundings, her wide brown eyes darting around the car’s interior. Valentina instinctively scoots a little closer, feeling the all too familiar pull, and she watches Juliana in almost breathless amazement. Once again, she feels the need to pinch herself, because no one should be allowed to look that gorgeous.

Juliana’s eyes linger on the driver for a moment before finally focusing on her face, causing her heart to skip a beat. “I didn’t realize it was you until the door swung open.”

Valentina laughs lightly in response and bites down on her lower lip, mesmerized by the cutest, slightly stunned expression on Juliana’s face. She finds herself leaning even closer, her blue eyes dancing across the girl’s unfairly beautiful features. 

“I guess I do,” she says softly, a smile playing on her lips. Her voice sounds a touch deeper in her ears than she’s used to.

Juliana just stares back at her silently, her dark eyes roaming Valentina’s face. She shakes her head slightly, a hint of a smile curling one side of her lips. A strand of hair falls over her cheek, and when she moves her hand to slowly brush it aside, Valentina can feel her breath catch in her throat. She realizes she’s blatantly staring, but she doesn’t even try to stop herself. She knows she won’t be able to and honestly, she doesn’t want to.

Instead, she allows her gaze to wander down Juliana’s body, taking in her skintight, faded jeans that accentuates her lean thighs, and her black T-shirt that is hanging loose on her, its wide neck baring a tempting swath of collarbones, part of one shoulder and a red bra strap. She swallows against her suddenly dry throat and forces her gaze back up to Juliana’s face, searching for something to say. Something other than ‘Lose the shirt’. 

Juliana’s eyes are bright and curious as she stares back at Valentina, as if she’s wondering about the findings of her little exploration and, for a second, Valentina’s heart stops when dark brown eyes slowly drift to look down at her lips. Her gaze lingers there only briefly, but it’s enough to make Valentina’s heart thunder in her chest and then in her ears. 

She feels something warm blossom low in her stomach, warm and fluttering, and she shifts her weight a little on the leather backseat. The movement causes her leg to bump against Juliana’s, triggering a chain reaction of sensations inside her body that threatens to overwhelm her, and she freezes in position. Her heart feels like it can’t quite find its rhythm all of a sudden, every beat feels out of place, and it makes it even harder to breathe. 

Her physical reaction to Juliana is so powerful and instinctive that she’s almost beginning to fear it; this crazy, near uncontrollable desire to reach out and touch the stunning girl sitting so closely beside her. A heavy pulse is beating deep in the pit of her stomach, sending burning waves of response through the rest of her body, sensitizing her nerves, and awakening the most primitive, most basic of needs she’s ever known. 

It’s a feeling she doesn’t know what to do with. She knows what she wants, she knows what she needs, but despite everything that had transpired between them, a part of her is still afraid of scaring the girl off. But Juliana doesn’t move away. Instead, she slightly presses into the touch, and Valentina almost jolts in surprise. 

Her eyes snap up to find Juliana staring back at her, her gaze moving over her features like a slow caress. They smile at each other almost shyly and there’s a shared sense of nervousness, but neither of them makes a move to break the contact. 

“You look stunning, Juls,” Valentina finally manages to breathe out, and Juliana’s cheeks pink ever so slightly at the compliment. Her lips part almost reverently when her gaze dances over Valentina’s face before her lips spread into a startlingly beautiful smile. A smile is so insanely attractive, Valentina can’t even begin to articulate all the fluttery, squirmy feelings it gives her.

Before she’s even fully aware of what she’s doing, she slowly leans in to press a gentle but all-too-fleeting kiss on Juliana’s cheek. She pulls back a little and bites her lip on a smile, her nose scrunching slightly. “I’m really glad you’re here.” 

Juliana smiles almost bashfully and catches her bottom lip between bright white teeth, her hands nervously twitching in her lap. “Me too..” 

Their gazes hold for a long significant moment and Valentina’s hand instinctively reaches out to cover Juliana’s, her skin every bit as satiny as she remembers. And as warm. Juliana’s skin burns under her touch, and for a moment she’s aware only of the tingling in her blood, the heat crawling up her spine, and the exhilaration of finally being in the girl’s presence. 

She watches Juliana’s eyes roam her face, hears her breathing quicken a little, and feels her warm hand trembling beneath her own before she gently twines their fingers together. Their eyes are connected in a way that is making her heart beat faster and she pulls their joined hands into her lap.

A soft smile lifts one side of Juliana’s mouth and Valentina has to bite her lip, again, to quell the urge to lean over and kiss that tempting, plump lower lip. Desire roars through her, sudden and intense, until the driver’s voice snaps her out of her trance with a suddenness that leaves her shaking. “Where can I take you, Miss Valentina?” 

She inhales sharply and throws Juliana an almost bashful grin, letting her head fall back against the seat. “To the house, please,” she orders softly, lightly rubbing her thumb over Juliana’s skin.

She runs her other hand over her face and up through her hair, releasing a long breath. She shakes her head and hears Juliana’s chuckle beside her. It’s a gorgeous, breathless sound and she looks up to find the girl’s deep brown eyes already on her, making her stomach twist in nervous, almost giddy anticipation. 

Her eyes drop to Juliana’s mouth and she fights to slowly pull them back up to meet the girl’s gaze. She leans her head forward over Juliana’s shoulder and places her mouth close to her ear. “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now,” she says, her voice just above a whisper.

Juliana expels a shaky breath and Valentina turns her head a little to glance at the girl’s face. Brown eyes fall to her lips briefly before moving back up to meet her gaze. “If only we were alone..” she whispers, her voice like velvet stroking against Valentina’s skin, sending frissons of sensations skittering down her spine. “I would kiss you in such a way you would not want me to stop.” 

Her words are so bold, so teasing and suggestive that Valentina’s mouth drops open in shock, and if she thought her heart was beating before, it’s now beating out of control. She watches Juliana’s intense, sparkling eyes burn into her own and all she wants to do is kiss her, the urge is so strong that her mouth goes a little dry. 

“Stop.. That’s not fair,” she chokes out, unable to hold Juliana’s gaze any longer, and she drops her forehead on the girl’s shoulder. “Don’t provoke me, okay?”

Juliana releases another breathy laugh and rests her cheek against Valentina’s head, lightly squeezing her hand. “If only we were alone,” she says again, her voice a little deeper than before.

The next moment, as if on cue, a darkly tinted glass partition starts to rise between the front seat and the rear compartment. Valentina watches it close completely and blinks several times in confusion, because she never considered the possibility before. Honestly, she wasn’t even aware of the possibility. 

She sits up straight and pulls her hand out of Juliana’s grasp, brushing her hair to one side. She searches the girl’s eyes and shakes her head, realization slowly dawning upon her. “Did you… did you just-“ Juliana shushes her with a finger to her lips. Brown eyes follow the movement and linger a second, charging the air around them.

Valentina can only blink at her in response and then Juliana surprises her by leaning over to hug her, tentatively closing the space between them and pulling her close, numbing her thoughts and leaving her only capable of reacting. Valentina sucks in a sharp breath of surprise and instantly softens against her, lifting her arm to wrap around the girl’s shoulders. She buries her face in the hollow of Juliana’s neck and breathes in the clean scent of her freshly washed skin and hair. 

“How do you always smell so good?” she hears herself whispering, sinking into the feel of Juliana wrapped around her and oh so aware that she’s flirting. She just can’t seem to stop herself, hyperaware of the sweet curving feminine body pressed so deliciously close to hers. 

She stays locked in her position, but moves back just enough to rest their foreheads together. She can’t seem to drag her eyes away from the girl’s mouth, those full and soft lips that are slightly parted, always inviting, and she struggles to breathe properly.

She reaches up to slip her hand behind Juliana’s neck, beneath the curtain of hair, and lifts her chin until she’s only a shallow breath away from the mouth she’s been thinking about kissing all day. Juliana’s lips part in anticipation and her eyes dart around Valentina’s face as if they’re searching for something. 

“I was afraid I’d never see you again,” Juliana confesses into the minuscule space between them, her breath hot against Valentina’s lips. 

But before Valentina can respond, she feels the girl’s warm presence, that half second of hesitation before a warm hand slips behind her neck, the soft give of Juliana’s breasts against her as she moves closer, their noses nudging. Brown eyes search her own before Juliana inhales a shaky breath and presses forward, gently brushing their mouths together. 

Valentina’s lower lip melts between Juliana’s and the girl exhales sharply through her nose as she repositions herself, moving her body even closer. Her warm, smooth mouth moves over Valentina’s, sucking her lower lip between hers, and Valentina tilts her head to allow the girl to deepen the kiss, to deepen the shivery feeling along every place their bodies connect, catching her mid-shuddering exhale, her lips still parted. 

Their tongues slide together in a teasing dance and her hand twists in the material of Juliana’s shirt, pulling her closer. She wants her, she wants her so desperately, that she has to stop herself from moving over the girl to straddle her lap. The thought alone makes her pulse skip, causing warm moisture to pool low between her thighs. 

She sucks in a breath when Juliana kisses her deeper and Valentina drowns in the feel of her; drowns in the way she can feel the girl’s pulse speed up, drowns in the way Juliana cups her face to tilt her head back so she can have more. It’s so incredibly hot, so amazingly arousing, that she needs a moment to catch her breath. 

She breaks their kiss and rests her forehead against Juliana’s, panting lightly, before she kisses her again, deeper this time and for no other reason than the fact that she can. Juliana’s hands frame her face and she kisses back just as passionately. It’s overwhelming and it’s not enough and it’s a kiss that takes her breath away. 

All too soon Juliana pulls away again, but she doesn’t drop her hands from Valentina’s face. “We shouldn’t..” she whispers, blinking her eyes into focus, her voice a little shaky. “Not here, I mean.”

Valentina sucks her lips between her teeth and nods, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

Juliana smiles, that same pretty smile that’s had Valentina’s stomach fluttering since the first day she saw it. “But if you keep looking at me like that..” Juliana whispers, biting her lip on a smirk. 

“Then what?” Valentina whispers with a teasing quirk of her brow. Her eyes flicker up and down suggestively enough that Juliana reaches out and smacks her in the arm. It only makes Valentina laugh even though she attempts to feign pain for a second. Juliana just rolls her eyes. 

Valentina can’t help but laugh and then Juliana’s laughing too, but they’re kissing again and it tastes so sweet and hot at the same time that Valentina feels it wrapped all around her. It’s an overwhelming feeling and she lets herself get lost a little in the idea that it never has to end; that everything will work out like she wants to believe. It’s an intoxicating feeling, and it blooms warmth into her extremities.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story. I appreciate every single kudo and comment.

Chapter 16

Valentina stops in the doorway of her bedroom and flashes Juliana a smile over her shoulder, a nervous shudder running through her. The thought of having Juliana in her room makes her heart race and she closes her eyes for a second, wiping her clammy hands on her jeans. Her legs are extremely wobbly and her stomach won’t stop fluttering. 

She can sense the girl’s presence close behind her and Valentina slowly turns to face her, her cheeks warming all over again. She wonders if she’ll always feel like this in Juliana’s presence, the constant tingling sensation low in her belly, spreading warmth all the way out to her extremities. She bites her lip nervously and glances down at her feet, willing herself to cool, before she gathers enough courage to look up into those striking brown eyes. 

“So,” she manages with a soft clearing of her throat, clasping her hands behind her back to keep them still. “This is my bedroom.” 

Juliana swallows visibly before her lips curl into a wide, toothy smile, craning her neck to see over Valentina’s shoulder. 

“Ah, I’ve been wondering about…” Her words trail off as her gaze returns to Valentina’s face and her cheeks turn a pretty pink hue, as if the words were more than she intended to say.

Valentina can only gape at the girl, her imagination running wild, causing her breath to catch. Juliana had been wondering about her room? What exactly had she been wondering? If the blush on the girl’s cheeks is any indication, she’s sure her own cheeks are five different shades of red. 

She bites her lip and toys with a lock of her hair. “You did?” she asks in a quiet voice, realization making her tone go breathy around the edges.

Juliana fiddles with the hem of her shirt as she looks at Valentina from under her long lashes. “Yeah, what it would look like..” she softly clarifies. 

There’s a smile on her face that Valentina knows is supposed to be casual, but she can see right through it, and she reaches up to put a hand over her mouth to hide the smirk that threatens to break out across her lips. 

Juliana’s eyes follow the movement of her hand before her gaze locks with Valentina’s again. She can pinpoint the exact moment Juliana realizes her train of thought- the slight widening of her eyes, the deepening shade of pink on her cheeks- and the girl reaches out to smack Valentina’s arm. 

“No, not like that!” Juliana exclaims, rolling her eyes and smiling widely at her. 

“No?” Valentina challenges with a teasing quirk of her lip.

“No,” Juliana denies and her smile seems to grow impossibly wider. She brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, her fingers fluttering nervously near her slender throat. 

Valentina bites her lip on a smile and scrunches her nose slightly as she leans a little closer. “Are you sure?” 

Juliana releases a breathy laugh and shakes her head, glancing down almost bashfully. “Val..” she smiles, drawing her name out slowly. 

Valentina silently stares at her for a second, enamored by her rosy cheeks, before she sees something change in the girl’s expression. And when Juliana slowly raises her head again, it is almost as if Juliana has disappeared and another girl has taken her place. This girl is a whole lot more confident than she was just moments ago. 

She sucks in a shaky breath as Juliana’s dark eyes slowly roam her face and there’s something about the way she looks at her that glues Valentina to the floor. Her gaze is so intense that it seems to heat up her skin, and the very air around them seems charged, ready to crackle at the slightest movement from either of them. 

The tip of Valentina’s tongue darts out to moisten her suddenly dry lips and she hears Juliana’s breathing deepen, watches her dark eyes drop to her mouth, to follow the tiny, unconsciously provocative movement with an intensity that makes her heart jerk against her chest. 

Valentina swallows and fixes her gaze on Juliana’s slightly parted lips, sending a sharp wave of longing through her body. She wants Juliana to kiss her, she wants to taste those lips on hers again. She wants it so badly it’s as if her whole body radiates it. She can actually beg, right now, but she knows she’s unable to vocalize her words. 

A shiver of anticipation ripples through her when Juliana steps into her space, close enough to feel her body heat, close enough for Valentina to feel the caress of Juliana’s breath teasing over her skin. A sizzling bolt of electricity splinters through her body, dissolving into tingles and shudders of need. The sudden overload of her senses overwhelms her for a minute; just being this close to Juliana is making her body feel more awake than it has in what feels like forever. 

She fixes her eyes on the girl’s face, only inches away, watching her mouth, echoing her smile, and Valentina sucks in a sharp breath as Juliana leans even closer until her nose brushes the tender part of her neck just below her ear. Instinctively, she tilts her head slightly to the side to give Juliana more access, her eyes closing of their own accord.

She swallows a moan when Juliana’s lips drift down her throat, back up, and along her jaw. She nips at her skin with such tenderness Valentina squirms at the myriad of senses assailing her. Her legs threaten to give out on her and she reaches out to grasp Juliana’s waist to keep herself upright. 

She fights the overwhelming urge to pull their bodies flush together when Juliana’s lips tease and nibble at the sensitive flesh of her earlobe. “Maybe I’ve wondered about that, too…” Juliana whispers suggestively, her lips ghosting the shell of Valentina’s ear. 

Valentina sucks in a sharp breath and settles her hands on the curve of Juliana’s hips, splaying her long fingers over the fabric of her jeans. She can barely suppress a shiver when Juliana’s satiny cheek grazes her own until her lips are just a breath away. 

“Juls..” she breathes, her voice shaking from the sensations flowing through her. 

Inches. Only inches between their lips. But it’s not close enough. It’s never close enough. 

Juliana chuckles and oh, the feel of her breath against her skin causes a slight tremor to vibrate through Valentina’s body. She has to widen her stance to keep her balance and digs her fingertips into Juliana’s hips, only to become momentarily transfixed by those perfect, tempting lips so close to her own. 

She closes her eyes in anticipation when Juliana gently cups her face, and her lips part on a shallow breath. Juliana’s hand is warm on her cheek, her fingers gentle and silky while caressing her skin. She feels Juliana move even closer and all the pores of her skin lift up in a soft carpet of goosebumps, each hair on her body standing up and tingling at the roots.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she whispers in that low, raspy voice of hers, that sends shivers down Valentina’s spine. 

And for one wonderful, blissful second, their lips graze, just enough to make them tingle. And then Juliana pulls away again, leaving Valentina chasing the girl’s lips and nearly falling flat on her face. Her eyes fly open just in time to see the cheekiest grin on Juliana face, before she throws her a completely unfair and sexy wink, moving past her and into her room. 

Valentina blinks a few times at the space Juliana just occupied, her mouth slightly open, and she shakes her head a little as if she can rattle the feelings out of it. 

“That did not just happen,” she mutters to herself, a soft smile creeping up her flushed face. She ducks her head and bites her lip, almost feeling giddy with the sensations that are coursing through her body. 

She decides she loves this side of Juliana, this flirtatious teasing girl, willing and eager to step out of her comfort zone. Every layer Juliana lets her peel away- every bit of true self she shows her- is more appealing and passionate than the last, and she wants to delve deeper to the core of that infinite appeal and limitless passion, wanting to make sure than no other person gets there first. 

She wipes her hands down her face and turns around, her eyes following Juliana’s movements as she admires her room. Once again, she feels overwhelmed by how much Juliana matters to her. It’s almost physical, the feeling so pure, so powerful and uncontrollable, she’s struggling to hold it all inside. 

She knows her feelings are written on her face as plainly as words on a page, but she doesn’t care. She wants Juliana to know. She wants to tell her how much she means to her, she wants her to know how much she wants her. Valentina wants to say all these things with passion and a need that matches the need to breathe, but Juliana’s too busy admiring her room, so she keeps her words to herself. 

And when Juliana finally glances to the side, she catches Valentina’s stare fixed upon her. Shaking her head, she throws Valentina a stunned smile. “Whoa, Val, this place is amazing!” 

Valentina swallows down her unspoken words and bites her lip on a smile, strangely relieved by Juliana’s approval. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment until Juliana looks away again, slowly turning around and taking in her surroundings. 

“I figured you were rich if you can afford a driver.. But this..” Juliana pauses, as if she’s searching for the right words, motioning around with her hands. Her mouth opens and closes a few times before she exclaims, “I mean, look at this house! You must be crazy rich.” 

An uncomfortable clench settles in Valentina’s stomach and she tries to breathe through it, keeping a small smile on her face. “Not really..”

Juliana’s perfectly shaped brows shoot up and she laughs disbelievingly. “What? How can you say that, Val? I mean.. look around you! Seriously, this place is insanely big.”

Valentina sighs and brushes a hand through her hair, suddenly feeling exhausted. She doesn’t want Juliana to look at her differently. Despite her belief that her wealth doesn’t or shouldn’t define her, many of her friends find it difficult to imagine that a girl as rich as Valentina Carvajal lives in the normal world. They expect her to be someone she doesn’t want to be, and she’s so tired of being treated differently just because she happens to have some money. 

She shakes her head and presses a hand to her forehead. “I suppose if you mean I’m rich because we have a lot of money, then yes, my family is very wealthy.” 

Juliana blinks and opens her mouth, but Valentina continues quickly. “But for me, that’s not the definition of being rich,” she explains softly and Juliana’s mouth closes with a snap. 

Valentina steps further into the room and closes the door behind her, her gaze locking onto Juliana’s again. “Money means nothing to me, it never has.”

Juliana searches her eyes intently, shifting her weight to other foot. She looks like she wants to say something, but doesn’t. 

“I’d rather be rich in other ways,” Valentina continues in a voice so soft that it’s almost a whisper, keeping her gaze locked on Juliana’s. 

She watches the girl’s eyes widen in alarm and Juliana’s hand stops mid-motion, frozen for a second before she brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. She shakes her head sharply, sending her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders. Her lips part as if to speak, but before she can say anything, Valentina continues. 

“Because money can’t buy the things that really matter.” She closes her eyes and instinctively reaches up to grasp the silver pendant hanging off her necklace. “Things like eternal life and happiness..” Valentina’s voice cracks and she takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Things like hope.. and love.”

She opens her eyes to find Juliana’s face drained of color, her dark eyes swimming with sorrow and regret. Juliana pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head, her shoulder sagging a bit. “I’m sorry, Val. I honestly didn’t mean it like that.” 

The truth of it is written in the earnest expression on her face and all Valentina wants to do is to wrap her arms around Juliana. She hates the devastated look in those stunning brown eyes. 

“I know..” she whispers and tries to smile, taking a small step towards the girl. “It’s okay.”

Juliana shakes her head, pressing a hand to her forehead. “No, it’s not.. That came out all wrong. I didn’t mean…” she cuts herself off, staring at her feet. “It was never meant to be a judgement or condemnation. I’ve just.. I’ve never seen a house like this before. I was surprised, that’s all.”

She fidgets a little where she’s standing, clearly upset with herself, and Valentina instinctively reaches out to touch the girl’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay, Juls,” she reassures, gently squeezing Juliana’s shoulder. “I know you didn’t mean anything by that.” 

Juliana’s mouth trembles into a tentative smile and she places her hand over Valentina’s on her shoulder, her slender fingers wrapping around Valentina’s hand. The simple affection in her touch makes Valentina’s heart swell and she turns her palm up to lock their fingers together, sending electric jolts of energy up her arm and into her chest. Juliana continues to look at her with that intense, almost adoring look. 

“Come,” Valentina whispers after a moment, gently pulling their joined hands down. She brushes her thumb over Juliana’s silky skin and squeezes her fingers. She takes several steps backward and tugs gently at her hand, pulling the girl along to the most precious part of her room. 

“This is my family,” she whispers when they stop in front of a wall filled with pictures. 

Juliana’s body heat radiates towards her and Valentina shifts a little closer without thinking about it, their shoulders lightly brushing. It’s all way to comfortable, too instinctual for her to do anything about it. 

She steals a sideways glance at Juliana and can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face. Her heart races at the sight, at the feel of having her hand locked with Juliana’s, and the feel of her cheeks aching from smiling. Her stomach clenches and her throat goes dry and her eyes prick with tears, and Valentina realizes that she is happy. 

She wants everything about this moment and this experience, whatever it might become, to be slow and gentle. She wants to absorb every single sensation, she wants to cherish every second of their time together.

She steals another glance at Juliana and watches her brown eyes scan back and forth across her collage. She studies the photographs intently and Valentina studies Juliana’s stunning profile. She allows her blue eyes to roam over the girl’s features, from her full lips to her strong jaw and her cheekbones. She’s so, so beautiful. 

Stepping closer to the wall, Juliana points to a picture in the center of her collage, breaking her out of her dreamy observations. “Is this your mom?” she whispers tentatively.

Valentina swallows the lump that forms in her throat and nods her head. A thunderous wave of pain and loss crashes over her and she closes her eyes for a moment, memories of her mother flooding her mind. Juliana’s fingers gently squeeze between hers and pull her back to the moment, and Valentina sucks in a breath. 

“She’s beautiful,” Juliana whispers, turning her head to look at Valentina. “You look a lot like her.”

Valentina ducks her head and reaches up to touch her necklace, the only real physical reminder she has of her mother. She takes several steady breaths until she knows she has her voice under control. “I wish you could have met her.”

She sighs when she feels a warm, gentle hand against her cheek, brushing her hair off her face. She leans into the touch and opens her watery eyes to find Juliana’s gaze already on her. 

“I do, too,” Juliana whispers, leaning in to place a feather light kiss against her forehead. 

Her fingers linger against Valentina’s cheek as she brushes another strand of hair behind her ear, a soft smile curling the edges of her lips. Valentina feels something warm blossom in her chest and she mirrors Juliana’s smile. 

They stand like that for a moment, breathing each other in, before Juliana points to another picture. “Who is this?”

Valentina drags her eyes away from Juliana’s face, following her line of sight to her brother’s picture. “That’s my brother Guille,” she smiles. 

“Really?” Juliana’s brows shoot up and she takes a closer look. “It runs in your family, it seems.”

Valentina frowns and turns to look at Juliana. “What do you mean?”

Juliana’s eyes lock with hers again and a slow, sweet smile blossoms on her face. “Beauty..”

Valentina flushes faintly at the praise and glances at her feet, biting her lip on a smile. She clears her throat and tucks a strand of hair behind ear. “Yeah, I guess he’s kind of handsome, right?” 

Her face scrunches and she chuckles. “But he acts like he doesn’t even know it. He never dated a lot. I actually asked him once if he was gay.” Her eyes widen at her own words and she hurries to rectify, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, obviously!”

They both laugh in unison and glance at each other almost shyly. 

“I mean, love is love.. in whatever form,” Valentina whispers, gently squeezing Juliana’s hand. “And I once read… that love can come at the most unexpected time with the most unexpected person.”

They stare at each other for a second, the air thick with tension, until Valentina looks away again. She chuckles nervously and points to her brother’s picture. “So you find him attractive?” 

Juliana rolls her eyes and smiles bright and unstrained, her eyes crinkling at the edges. “No, I didn’t say that.”

“Then what did you say?” Valentina teases, stifling a chuckle behind her hand.

“Well, that he’s good-looking..” Juliana chuckles, bumping her shoulder lightly against Valentina’s, before she adds, “If you’re into dark eyes and excessive facial hair.”

“And you’re not?” Valentina teases, feigning surprise.

Juliana sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and combs her hand through her hair. “No, apparently not.” Brown eyes seem to deepen as they slowly drift down to Valentina’s mouth and Juliana’s own lips part slightly. “I recently discovered that I’m more into beautiful blue-eyed girls.”

“Girls?” Valentina grins, and the invincible chord tugs at her again, urging her to get somehow even closer to Juliana. She reaches out and twirls a lock of the girl’s raven hair around her finger. 

“Well, no..” Juliana replies and the intensity in her eyes lights a fire up and down Valentina’s spine. “Just one.” 

Valentina feel her cheeks heat up and bites her lip on a smile. “Well, she must be a lucky girl.”

Juliana shakes her head. “No, I’m the lucky one.” She grimaces as soon as the words leave her mouth. “God, that sounds so cheesy,” she chuckles, before her expression turns serious once more and a new sort of softness enters her eyes. “But it’s the truth.” 

Valentina inhales a shaky breath and her heart threatens to burst out of her chest as she watches a slight blush creep up Juliana’s neck and settle on her cheeks. “Well, you certainly know how to charm the ladies, miss Valdes.”

Juliana flashes her a dazzling smile and averts her eyes to the floor, her dark hair cascading over her shoulder. Valentina fights the urge to reach out again and turns to look at her collage, willing her heart rate to slow back to normal. 

“This is Eva..” she says after a moment, “My sister.” 

She stares at her sisters straight posture, her bright eyes shining. The image is tiny, but she remembers the moment vividly. It was at her sixteenth birthday party and her mother captured them laughing, as if they’d ever been close and happy. 

“She’s gorgeous...” Juliana observes, leaning closer to the tiny picture. “But, she seems.. I don’t know.. Intense?” 

Valentina snorts. “You’re very perceptive, Juls. She is.. God, she is!” She throws her hands up in the air and laughs. “She’s very difficult to live with. She’s so pushy and overbearing.”

“Really?” Juliana laughs and catches Valentina’s eyes. 

Valentina nods. “We never really got along. We’re complete opposites.. She’s the oldest and she likes to boss us around. I’m glad she isn’t around much anymore, because I can’t stand her most of the time.”

They share a soft smile before Valentina points to another picture. “This is Chivis and..”

“Your ex-boyfriend,” Juliana finishes her sentence and Valentina’s chest squeezes abruptly. 

Silence settles between them for a moment until Juliana whispers, “Were you ever happy with him?” 

“No, not really,” she admits in a soft voice. “I thought I was.. But I failed to see him for who he really is.” 

Juliana casts her eyes downward and nibbles on her lip, her face turning a shade paler. She shifts nervously from foot to foot before she looks back up into Valentina’s eyes. “Val, can I ask you something?” 

Valentina frowns by the sudden shift in mood. “Yeah, sure. Anything.”

“How do you feel about what I’ve told you?” Juliana asks quietly, her voice sounding small and worried. “I mean, now you know what I am… Does that make you see me differently? I mean- You don’t-” 

The words start to ramble together as they continue to tumble out of Juliana’s mouth and she shakes her head, as if annoyed with herself. 

“You don’t look at me differently, and I really like the way you look at me, but-“ She cuts herself off again and blows out a heavy breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… that I just hope you don’t look at me differently now that you know this about me.” 

She doesn’t look Valentina in the eye as she speaks, she just keeps watching her feet. Valentina touches her arm and Juliana finally lifts her head to look at her. Brown eyes scan her face, searching for a reaction, and Valentina knows exactly what she’s looking for. But she doesn’t really know how to answer that question, it’s all such a chaos inside her mind. 

“So.. do you?” Juliana whispers, breaking the silence, and Valentina wonders how long it actually lasted. It feels like minutes, but she’s pretty sure it’s been only seconds.

“No,” she instinctively answers, but shakes her head. “I don’t know. To be honest, I think I still haven’t completely wrapped my mind around it, it feels so surreal. I still want to pinch myself to make sure this isn’t all some kind of weird dream. I think I need some time to digest it all.” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Juliana sighs and looks away. She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, her mouth twitching nervously. “I’m sorry I burdened you with all of this.”

“Don’t be,” Valentina whispers, catching Juliana’s eyes again. “You didn’t burden me with anything, Juls. Not knowing what was going on with you was burdening me.”

She shudders when she recalls the expression on Juliana’s face at the restaurant, and feeling so afraid, so helpless. She slides her hand down the length of Juliana’s arm, eventually intertwining their fingers. “I’m glad you told me.” 

Juliana squeezes her fingers before she slowly pulls her hand out of Valentina’s grasp. The sudden absence of Juliana’s skin shudders something cold down Valentina’s spine and she swallows against the feeling. Juliana just stares at her for a long moment, eyes darting around Valentina’s face, and it feels like they are dancing a giant circle around a fathomless pit of all the things they both are too timid to say.

“After everything I’ve told you..” Juliana whispers, her brows scrunching together, creating lines in her otherwise perfectly smooth skin. “How can you not look at me differently?”

Valentina takes a deep, steadying breath. “I do look at you differently. I look at you as a stronger and more amazing person that I thought you were before.” Stepping forward until she’s inches away from Juliana, Valentina manages a small smile. “I’m staggered by how brave you are, Juls.”

Her eyes begin to sting, blurring slightly, and she lets out a quiet, shaky breath. “I hate..“ The words get lost somewhere between her heart and her mouth, but she clears her throat and forces full sentences to come out. “I hate that you had to go through all of this alone and I hate the weight you’ve been carrying around. I hate everyone who treated you wrong.. especially that guy on the beach. What did you say his name was again? Sergio?” 

Juliana nods and it pulls a smile from her lips, and it encourages Valentina to push on. “You didn’t ask for any of this and even after everything you’ve been through, you’re still so warm, so pure and so genuinely kind… I love that about you.”

Her eyes widen in shock as she realizes what she just said, but she needs to get it out before she loses her nerve. “So, yes, I see you differently.” 

Juliana’s shoulders sag a bit as if Valentina’s words had some sort of physical effect. It’s risky, this whole conversation is, but she lifts both hands to trace along Juliana’s jaw. She doesn’t shy away from Valentina’s touch. She’s trembling slightly. They both are. And it feels like the most right thing in the world to admit her next words to her. 

“You’re special to me, Juls. So, so special.” 

There’s a wave of surprise on Juliana’s face that shows just how much Juliana doesn’t realize that Valentina’s feelings are running so much deeper then she’s aware of. The silence between them then is profound and Valentina feels like it’s something tangible, settling over her shoulders and pressing against her chest. 

Juliana inhales sharply and closes her eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek. Valentina gently brushes her hair back and strokes Juliana’s tear-dampened skin, her eyes following her movements. Juliana’s lips quiver as they slowly curl into an almost embarrassed smile. “God, I’m such a mess.”

“It’s okay,” Valentina whispers as she continues to stroke her thumbs over Juliana’s cheekbones soothingly. When the girl finally opens her eyes again, the intensity in them nearly renders Valentina breathless.

“You’re the first person who really sees me for who I am,” Juliana breathes out, her voice a little shaky. She reaches up to grip Valentina’s hands and bring them off her face to angle their fingers together. 

“But I’m scared, Val.. I’m so scared, because you continually take me by surprise. And I-” Juliana cuts herself off, shakes her head in that way Valentina knows is because she can’t figure out all the right words to say. “I never met anyone like you.” 

Juliana looks at her for what feels like a lifetime and Valentina couldn’t look away if she tried. “I’ve never been like this with anyone. I never did this with anyone else. Everything is different with you.”

“Different how?” Valentina whispers, feeling her heart rate pick up speed.

Juliana lowers her eyes and splays her fingers over Valentina’s chest, her palm burning through the fabric of Valentina’s blouse. “You make me wonder why, when I’m with you, not only my body is involved, but my heart, my mind… and everything else in involved, too.”

“Juls..” Valentina starts before Juliana is talking again. 

“You make me feel safe and I.. I really care about you. You know that?” Juliana whispers, her eyes full of wonder and awe and endless brown. 

Valentina sees the smile pushing at the girl’s lips and she feels it echoing across her own.

“You’re so easy to care about, Val..” Juliana says softly and it almost breaks Valentina’s fragile grip on her emotions. 

She feels her throat go thick, but she plays it off with a breathy chuckle. The feeling settles, but doesn’t lose its intensity. If anything it feels bigger now, reaching out to Juliana and swirling around them. They’re so close together and just the invasion of her senses with Juliana threatens to break lose the dam keeping her tears back. Everything has gotten far more serious than she ever intended, and she feels like the farther they walk down this path the harder it will be to turn back. 

“I want to be with you, Val,” Juliana continues, her voice a little shaky. “Not because you make me feel safe. But I..” 

Her voice drifts off and she glances down for a moment, looking so terrified and vulnerable that Valentina wants to reach out to hold her. But before she can act, Juliana looks up again and captures her eyes. “I’m in love with you.” 

Valentina’s mouth drops open and she’s sure she’s going to have a stroke with the way her chest feels. The feeling buzzes and vibrates across her skin, and for a moment her eyes go hot with emotion like it’s going to come bursting out of her at any moment. How it always feels this intense, Valentina’s not sure. 

Juliana drops her forehead on Valentina’s shoulder and she shakes a little until Valentina runs a soothing hand down her spine, presses a kiss into her hair. 

“Juls, look at me,” Valentina whispers, gently cupping Juliana’s face between her hands. She can’t stop herself from leaning in, planting soft, whispering kisses on Juliana’s cheeks, her chin, her eyelids.

She leans back just enough to look into Juliana’s eyes, before she whispers, “I’m in love with you too.” 

The happy look that takes hold on the girl’s face is something Valentina doesn’t think she’ll ever forget.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for every comment, every kudo, and every bookmark. They make me so happy :) I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was one of my very favorite to write. Please let me know what you think :)

Chapter 17

She leans back just enough to look into Juliana’s eyes, before she whispers, “I’m in love with you too.” 

The happy look that takes hold on the girl’s face is something Valentina doesn’t think she’ll ever forget. Silence passes for a beat before Juliana moves forward just a bit until their foreheads are touching, and she reaches up to caress Valentina’s cheek. 

“It almost doesn’t feel real,” Juliana whispers, and brown eyes dart over Valentina’s face. “I was so afraid of losing you.. of making you upset enough to leave me.”

Valentina can’t remember the last time something worked out for her and she knows Juliana shares her same fears, but it’s happening for her now and the way she feels is reflected in the way Juliana is looking at her. She gently grasps the other girl’s hand and places Juliana’s palm against her chest, feeling her heart hammer in response. 

She sucks in a breath and blinks up at Juliana through her lashes, a soft smile forming on her lips. “This is real,” she whispers, each word coming out slowly, carefully. It feels good to say those words out loud, and it feels even better to watch Juliana’s eyes soften and sparkle in response. 

“You won’t lose me, I promise, you won’t,” she continues, trying to get Juliana to hear the truth in the words. Because they are true. She can’t imagine her life without Juliana in it. No matter how their lives go, no matter what paths they choose and how it changes things, Valentina wants Juliana to be her one true constant.

The thought makes her feel huge, bigger than she actually is, bigger than their fears, past and current and future. She hears her sister’s voice inside her mind, telling her to get her head out of the clouds. And for the first time, Eva’s words seem to hold some truth, because she feels like she’s floating on a cloud of infinite possibility. It’s overwhelming, and Valentina has to take several deep breaths to calm her heart and mind down, until the only thing she can feel and see is Juliana.

“But you must promise me the same, Juls,” she continues. Striking brown eyes stare back at her and Valentina squeezes Juliana’s hand beneath her own, still tightly pressed against her chest. “It’s okay to be scared, but let’s be scared to together. We can figure this out. But we have to do it together. Neither of us can run away just because it gets hard.”

She’s so afraid Juliana doesn’t fully believe her, and she wouldn’t blame her. Not after everything she’s been through, after everything she has lost. But then Juliana gazes up at her with wonder shining in her eyes and whispers, “I promise, Val. If you’re in, I’m in.” 

And at that moment, a lot of things change for Valentina. Somehow Juliana’s trust makes her feel strong, stronger than she’s been in a long time, maybe ever. It makes her feel wanted, alive, and even important. 

Juliana smiles at her almost shyly and they just stand there for a moment, their eyes locked on each other. Not for the first time, Valentina finds herself fascinated by how brown and extremely stunning Juliana’s eyes are. She’d always thought the idea of drowning in someone’s eyes was idiotic. But then she met Juliana. And right now, she actually feels it. She’s drowning, not only in Juliana’s eyes, but also in a fresh cascade of sensations sweeping through her. 

She’s done fighting constantly against what all her instincts tell her to do around Juliana. It’s exhausting trying to resist it. So, she doesn’t hesitate to press forward, gently wrapping her arms around the other girl’s shoulders, folding her close, like she can’t stand another second of not being pressed together. Something about the way Juliana instantly melts into her, her arms circling her waist, the curves of her breasts and hips against her own, has Valentina’s head spinning.

Closing her eyes, Valentina presses a long kiss to Juliana’s temple, breathing her in. She brushes her nose against her dark, silky hair and shivers when the girl’s arms tighten around her waist. She’s so caught up in it that she’s barely conscious of the way her hips begin to sway, mirroring Juliana’s movements as if she’s an extension of her. 

Juliana’s humming softly and Valentina tries to identify the melody, but her thoughts are muddled by the other girl’s touch, her proximity. She swears she can feel the thump of Juliana’s heartbeat through the layers of clothing between them. Juliana slides her hands to the small of Valentina’s back and uses the motion to move even closer. 

They continue to sway together for long moments when Juliana starts to sing softly, almost like a whisper, and Valentina feels the prickle of every tiny hair covering her body. 

“You really know how to make me cry… When you give me those ocean eyes.” 

Valentina’s mesmerized by Juliana’s voice as it dances across her nerve endings, both arousing and calming her at the same time. She’s acutely aware of the other girl’s fingers trailing over her spine, making the lower part of her body liquid with that simple touch.

“I’m scared… I’ve never fallen from quite this high.”

Juliana’s warm hand pushes under her blouse, splaying across her bare back, and Valentina shivers into the touch. 

“Falling into your ocean eyes… Those ocean eyes.”

It takes a moment for Valentina to absorb the lyrics because Juliana’s fingers are incredibly distracting, dragging up and down her spine, sending ripples of sensation in their wake. But then the meaning of the words slowly wash over her and suddenly she’s consumed by an almost primal, all-consuming need to be as close to Juliana as possible.

It’s so powerful and instinctive that she’s close to losing control to anything more than let her body act for her. She thinks that maybe she should put some distance between them, but it’s nearly physically impossible at this point.

“What song are you singing?” she finds herself whispering, needing the distraction. She nuzzles at the place where Juliana’s neck meets her shoulder, making the other girl shiver. “It’s beautiful.”

Juliana moves her head back just enough to look at her face, her intense brown eyes searching Valentina’s. “It’s my new favorite song.“ She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, a hint of a smile curling one side of her lips. “It reminds me of you.”

Valentina isn’t able to tamp down on the soft noise that catches in her throat, and when Juliana’s eyes drop to her lips and back up, they both grin.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that,” Valentina blurts out, feeling her cheeks heat up again. “I mean, you’re ridiculously good.”

Juliana releases a breathy laugh and the warmth of it curls around Valentina’s spine. Her smile is so insanely attractive, Valentina can’t even begin to articulate all the fluttery, squirmy feelings it gives her. 

“I’m a siren,” she answers matter-of-factly, gently pushing a stray lock of hair behind Valentina’s ear. “That’s the way my voice is supposed to sound. It’s made to affect people.” 

Valentina looks up at her with a small, sheepish smile on her face and shrugs her shoulders. “Yeah, well.. You said your siren abilities wouldn’t affect me. But your voice.. I could listen to you sing all day.” 

Juliana absorbs this for half a moment, brown eyes darting between blue. Valentina grins but stops when she sees how the expression on Juliana’s face has changed again. It’s softer, more exposed, and Valentina unknowingly shifts closer. She doesn’t realize her hands are trembling, until Juliana curls her fingers around them. Valentina glances down at their joined hands and gives Juliana’s fingers a tiny, reassuring squeeze. 

She inhales a shaky breath and looks up to Juliana again, and, oh. She didn’t realize they’d be standing so close to each other. Her nose almost grazes the other girl’s. Neither recoil. Juliana is breathing just a tad faster than before, an adorable blush on her cheeks and a heaving chest. 

Valentina only has time to suck in a quick breath before Juliana’s mouth finds hers, before her lips are parting under the drag of Juliana’s tongue, and all she can do is sink into it and the heat of Juliana’s body. It feels like she’s shaking, and Juliana doesn’t feel much better considering the tremble Valentina can detect in the fingers that are currently sliding up her spine. 

But soon, the kiss grows heavier and fuller, causing a heated pressure in her lower stomach that spreads throughout her whole body. Whenever one retreats, the other chases. As if neither can stand another second without this contact. 

Valentina’s head feels foggy, senses overwhelmed by everything Juliana: her perfume, the soft puff of labored breath, and she already feels like she’s about to implode. She never felt so weak and yet so strong as she does in Juliana’s embrace.

When her back hits the wall a moment later, Valentina yelps against Juliana’s lips. She hadn’t even realized they were moving and she swallows a moan at the feeling of Juliana pressed completely against her.

“Val..” Juliana is murmuring, but she’s still kissing her, still gripping Valentina’s hips and keeping them together. It’s an intoxicating feeling to realize that there is no one here to interrupt them right now. Almost as if they are all alone and the whole world belongs to them, just for a little while.

Juliana has a hand sliding up the back of Valentina’s blouse and her lips are traveling over Valentina’s jawline. Her head snaps back at the feeling of Juliana kissing her neck and it’s a melting, liquid feeling that floods all over her skin. It’s already uncomfortably damp between her legs, and Valentina marvels at the effect the other girl has on her. 

Valentina’s hands grow restless, sliding over Juliana’s shoulders, following the notches of her spine, trailing down, until her palms curve over the perfect swell of Juliana’s ass. Juliana breaks the kiss with a shaky exhale and Valentina buries her face in the crook of her neck, her nerves rising.

“You okay?” she murmurs against Juliana’s neck, the words barely detectible with how little she wants to pull away from the taste of the other girl’s skin. 

She cranes her neck to ghost her mouth along Juliana’s jaw, savouring the quiet little intake of breath it earns her. Juliana doesn’t respond, just nods and presses closer in a way that shoots a shiver down her spine, makes her hips jolt a little into Juliana’s. 

Hey blue eyes flick back up to Juliana’s and they’re so dark, so inviting, Valentina’s barely conscious of leaning closer again. Her own eyes dip briefly to Juliana’s mouth, just inches away from her own. Silence passes for a beat before her hand grips at the back of Juliana’s neck to pull her closer and their lips slide together so easily that Valentina thinks Juliana whimpers a little at the feel. 

She wants Juliana more than anything, she wants them to go on and on until there’s nothing between them but sighs and cries and lips and tangled limbs. The feeling is clearly mutual, but Valentina wants to take things slow. She wants tonight to be perfect and sometimes it scares her just how much she wants to give Juliana, knowing she might not be able to. She’s never been with a girl before and the prospect is slightly terrifying. To both of them, Valentina thinks.

They break for air just long enough for Valentina to angle her head and kiss her again, slower this time, and Juliana melts into it, her hands shaking just the smallest amount as she tries to pull Valentina closer. It’s a languid, thorough kiss and by the time Valentina pulls away they’re both left breathless by it. 

She can’t seem to drag her eyes away from Juliana’s mouth, the press of bright white teeth against an already kiss-bruised bottom lip. And she’s unable to stop her hands from roaming down Juliana’s back, over the curve of her ass and into the back pockets of her skinny jeans. The way Juliana’s staring at her now, eyes glassy and huge, almost reverent, makes Valentina freeze. 

“Is this okay? You’ll let me know, right? If you want to stop?” 

Juliana blinks a few times and nods slightly, her fingers tightening around Valentina’s hips. 

“It’s okay if you want to,” Valentina reassures and gently pecks Juliana’s lips. 

Juliana eyes are still closed when she pulls back. Then, they flutter open, the intensity of electric brown quite literally stealing Valentina’s breath.

“I don’t want to stop,” Juliana whispers and her eyes flick down to where Valentina knows her chest is still heaving, her blouse all kinds of askew. “I really don’t want to stop.”

Valentina’s lips stretch in a shy, small grin and she leans her forehead on Juliana’s. She feels like she’ll fall if she doesn’t find something to ground her. So she clings to Juliana, pulling her hands out of the other girl’s pockets to grasp at her waist. Their breathing is heavy and shallow, and the small distance between them seems charged. 

“Me neither,” she whispers honestly. 

She can’t tear her gaze away from the glossy curve of Juliana’s bottom lip, isn’t in control of the way she surges forward to capture her lips again, because there’s nothing Valentina wants more than to stay pressed into Juliana.

Juliana’s arching into her, seeking more contact and it leaves Valentina shaking with arousal, a steady ache building between her legs. The bed is just visible over Juliana’s shoulder and she struggles to think of a way to steer them that direction without having to break apart. 

Valentina barely sucks in a breath before she’s pushing off the wall and swallows the small gasp on Juliana’s lips inside a searing kiss. Juliana’s hand clutches her shoulder, wrinkling her blouse, but Valentina doesn’t care about that right now. All she can think about is Juliana’s naked skin on her own, and she wants to lose herself in the feeling of pure need that arises in the pit of her stomach. She wants to get closer, she wants to experience every sensation, feel every slight quiver, and the frustrating layers of clothing between them keep her from really feeling the other girl’s body. 

She smiles against Juliana’s lips as she pushes her backwards, never breaking their contact. It’s an urgent kiss, almost rushed, and Valentina feels it all the way down to her toes. And when the backs of Juliana’s knees finally hit the edge of the bed, Valentina reaches up to put a slow, careful hand against the other girl’s cheek. 

She waits until brown eyes open again. Then she waits until she’s sure of what she thought she saw in them before: yearning. Juliana wants this, too. A wave of nervousness washes over her and she bites her lip on a shaky smile, suddenly unsure how to proceed. She wants to try a million things at once, but she doesn’t really know where to start. 

She sucks in a sharp breath and reaches out to run her shaky fingers along Juliana’s lips, tracing them, savoring them and then pulling her in for a kiss. Valentina is intoxicated by the sudden rush of heat between her legs, and by the thinning oxygen that barely makes it into her lungs with each quick gasp between wet presses. Her hands are gripping at the hem of Juliana’s shirt before she even realizes what she is doing, but she doesn’t stop. 

She pulls back only enough to catch Juliana’s gaze, brown eyes dark and beautiful, and when she receives a small nod, she tugs the shirt up and over the girl’s head. She watches Juliana’s long, dark hair cascade over her shoulders and there’s a long, tensed moment when neither of them move, only Valentina’s eyes as she tries to take in as much as she can. 

Juliana breaks first as she reaches out, hands played wide against the blades of Valentina’s shoulders to press her forward. They meet in a breathy kiss, and it’s like someone turned the switch and their hands are everywhere. Valentina feels slender fingers fumble with the buttons of her blouse, and she chases Juliana’s mouth when she leans back to look at her. 

“Can I?” Juliana whispers and gives a meaningful tug at her blouse.

A current of nervous tension runs between them. Juliana’s eyes are earnest and dark, yet she makes no move. She doesn’t take her gaze off Valentina either. She’s waiting, Valentina realizes. She’s waiting and she’s as nervous as Valentina feels. 

She covers Juliana’s hands with her own, stilling them. “Juliana,” she says quietly, and she’s proud of the way her voice sounds; strong yet soft. “Are you sure about this?”

They both can’t seem to stop blushing. It’s kind of ridiculous. 

“I- of course,” Juliana swallows and nods. “Of course I’m sure.” 

A moment later, Juliana touches her hair- gently, tentatively, and smooths it back over Valentina’s shoulder. Brown eyes search hers once more, before Juliana slowly unbuttons her blouse, her eyes tracking the movement of slightly shaking fingers. 

Valentina shudders when Juliana finally opens her blouse, brushes it off her shoulders and leaving the material bunched at her elbows. She hears the soft intake of Juliana’s breath and Valentina smiles at the way Juliana drinks in the sight of her, throat working around a visible thick swallow. Juliana’s eyes are wide and dark, pupils already swallowing up the brown of her irises. 

Valentina hardly dares to breathe, to disturb the air around them, so she allows Juliana this quiet moment of wonder. Her eyes sting because Juliana’s looking at her like she’s something special, and she isn’t prepared for the way it makes her feel. It’s such a raw moment, so exposed, and it feels almost too intimate to handle. 

Juliana tugs at her bottom lip, looking up at her almost reverently. Her chest is heaving and there’s a dusting of goosebumps across her shoulders, and Valentina wants to grab her face and kiss her. She wants to kiss Juliana more than she wants air.

She captures Juliana’s mouth again and lightly sucks on her bottom lip before releasing it a second later and diving back in. She slides her hands up Juliana’s bare back and when she manages to unclasps the other girl’s bra, Juliana breaks their kiss. She pants heavily against Valentina’s lips, only an inch away, and presses their foreheads together. 

She shudders when Valentina slowly drags the straps down her arms with trembling fingers. Her bra is caught between their heaving chests, keeping her covered, and Valentina lifts her hands to cup her palms around Juliana’s cheeks as she remains molded against her. “You okay?”

Juliana takes a deep breath and nods against Valentina’s forehead. Her hands shake against Valentina’s bare back, her palms sweaty, and she presses them down harder to steady them. 

“Yeah…” she answers breathlessly, slipping one hand up to anchor it in Valentina’s hair. “Just nervous..” She wets her lips, gives a tiny, self-conscious shrug but doesn’t look away. Her other hand clutches at Valentina’s hip and Valentina gets it. 

“I know,” she whispers, her fingers sliding down Juliana’s neck and over her shoulders, down her arms like they are silently mapping every inch. “I’m nervous too.”

Juliana’s breath releases in a stutter of a sigh and she pushes her forehead just a bit harder against Valentina’s. She shifts back just enough to let her bra fall to the floor and leave her chest entirely bare. Juliana looks up at her through her lashes and Valentina can’t describe it, but it never felt like this before. No one ever looked at her like this before. Juliana’s gaze is full of such trust and tender need that Valentina’s quite literally breathless. 

She smiles softly and nudges her nose against Juliana’s, bringing her hands up to her own bra. She unties it and drops it to the floor with only a soft whooshing sound before wrapping around Juliana again, unable to bear even a millimeter of space between them. The first brush of their bare breasts, hard nipples skimming, lifts goosebumps all across Valentina’s skin, and they both draw a shaky moan. She feels overheated, overstimulated, like she can’t quite fill her lungs. 

She runs her hands up and down Juliana’s back, loves the way Juliana’s breath catches and shakes, loves the way her muscles quiver beneath her fingertips. When Juliana leans back a little there’s a pretty dusting of pink high on her cheeks. She feels Juliana’s hand slide down her arm and brown eyes are practically black as she lifts them to meet Valentina’s stare again. 

“Touch me, Val.” 

Valentina has to shut her eyes, concentrate on her own breathing for a moment because she feels like her heart is going to beat right out of her ribcage. It’s racing so fast. 

“I…” She’s thinking and feeling so many things at once and it’s amazing and incredible and words seem so meaningless in comparison. “Juls,” she breathes out instead. Because that’s the only word that’s enough.

She marvels at the pink that spills across Juliana’s cheeks. And, if she weren’t already in love with her, she thinks this is the moment she would have fallen all over again. She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and stares down at Juliana’s body, drinking in every angle. She’s so beautiful. Incredibly, stunningly beautiful. 

Valentina’s heart is in her throat as she silently takes it all in. She absorbs the sight of Juliana, brave and bare in front of her, her flawless skin, her prominent collarbones, the perfect swells of her breasts and her stiff, pebbled nipples. She is beautiful, and Valentina is breathless.

Valentina never really understood why men were so fascinated with breasts, she just didn’t get what all the fuss was about. Until now. Because she can’t tear her eyes away from the small but perfect breasts in front of her, darker nipples than she would have imagined. 

Her hands tremble as she scoops Juliana’s hair to one side and runs her palms along the other girl’s shoulders, feeling the rise of fine hairs and goosebumps all along her skin. Juliana’s tense shoulders seem to shudder under her fingers as if relaxing slightly, and her dark eyes flutter closed. She sways ever so slightly, as if dizzy, but still enough for Valentina to notice. 

Her gaze drifts down over Juliana’s torso and her hands follow soon after, rounding Juliana’s shoulders to glide down the slope of her chest. She skims over Juliana’s breasts, rolling stiff nipples against the palms of her hands, pulling a shivery exhalation from Juliana. She cups them gently, almost reverently, lets her thumbs brush over the stiff peaks. She gives a light, experimental squeeze and Juliana’s breath pitches up slightly. Seeing and hearing the other girl’s physical reaction to her touch makes her smile and it’s enough to boost her courage. 

She lets her fingers trace around the stiff bud of a nipple before trapping it between her index finger and thumb. Juliana’s panting quietly under the attention and Valentina’s practically imploding at the feel of the other girl. Her insides are bubbling, full and alive, ready to boil over with all the things that demand to be felt.

Fingers lace together behind her neck as Juliana leans into the touch, and the feel of her warm breath against her skin makes Valentina tremble. Closing her eyes, she pulls Juliana into her again, kisses the line of her jaw, the corner of her mouth, and Juliana’s lips tremble when she pulls Valentina in for a kiss that isn’t messy or desperate, but is profound. It is alive, full, and promising, and when their naked chests press together again, tender skin touching, static and warm, a ripple of thrill shoots down Valentina’s back and pools at the base of her spine. 

It makes her ache in ways that she has little time to process before Juliana’s hands are slipping over the swells of her breasts and then down to the waistband of her pants. Her warm fingers slip under and give a soft tug, causing Valentina’s stomach to clench against the digits.

Juliana kisses her again and a throbbing, yearning sensation erupts between her thighs, making her gasp for air. She reaches down to her pants as well and pushes at them, suddenly eager to be free and bare beneath Juliana’s now insistent hands. She kicks off the garment and sends it flying somewhere; neither girl particularly cares. 

She reaches out for Juliana again, and her hands are shaking as they smooth down the other girl’s waist. Juliana’s abs quiver where her fingers travel to the waistband of her jeans, and she stills, searching Juliana’s face. Brown eyes look back, wide and a little lost, and Valentina grazes the line of her jaw with her lips, ventures up to her open mouth. Juliana captures Valentina’s bottom lip between her own, sucking lightly, using a hint of teeth as she releases it. 

Valentina finds herself swaying forward after the kiss ends, the tip of her nose brushing Juliana’s as she chases the contact. Her thumbs brush along the skin above Juliana’s jeans, hooking under the waistband, and she smiles at the nearly inaudible catch of Juliana’s breath. 

She keeps her stare fixed on the other girl’s face as the button at the waistband of Juliana’s jeans slips through its loop, and a second later, the room is filled with the sound of a zipper being pulled down. They part long enough for Juliana to remove her shoes, to peel her jeans off the rest of the way. 

A slight but stunning smile touches Juliana’s lips as steps into Valentina’s space again, bare before her underwear. Valentina’s body is shaking with nervous anticipation and then everything goes still for a moment; one heated moment in which the air seems to almost vibrate around them. 

It’s hard to breathe with the way Juliana’s starting at her. The intensity of her gaze makes Valentina tremble. Brown eyes can’t seem to find one place to land on. They travel all over Valentina’s face and body. Her skin feels electric and she knows she’s probably blushing, but she can’t control her bodies reactions. She can’t stop her hands from shaking and her legs feel wobbly, like they might give out any second now. 

The moment stretches, taut like a piece of elastic that’s going to snap at any second, and the ache between her legs and low in her stomach is so strong it actually makes her dizzy. She focuses on keeping her breathing even and it takes every ounce of willpower to drag her eyes back up to Juliana’s face. The way Juliana looks at her, eyes wide and pupils blown, makes Valentina squirm her thighs together. Makes her feel wanted and more than a little desperate. The evidence of it is already slicking the tops of her inner thighs.

She blinks when Juliana slowly lowers herself onto the bed, her movements fluid and elegant. She keeps her eyes locked onto Valentina’s as she crawls further onto the bed, leaning back on her elbows. A sudden wave of heat crashes through Valentina’s body and she can swear she feels drops of sweat prickle between her breasts. 

Valentina allows her gaze to travel slowly over every dip and curve and contour on display. Her breasts heaving with her labored breathing. Her taut stomach made to be kissed, and that’s exactly what she wants to do. Juliana is so unfairly beautiful with her raven hair scattered on a pillow and skin glowing under the dim lightning. Her dimpled chin and an almost shy kind of longing in darkened brown eyes. 

God. It’s like she’s sculpted. Or ethereal. Juliana stares at her and she looks so fragile, so vulnerable and so damn beautiful that Valentina can barely breathe. It is overwhelmingly intimate, she thinks, as if she’s witnessing something precious and private. She’s surprised Juliana allows it, allows Valentina to see her this way

It isn’t until Juliana whispers her name that Valentina realizes she’s been stuck staring for an undetermined period of time. She looks up, offering a slight bashful smile. 

“Juliana..” She wets her lips, buys a second to collect herself. She doesn’t know how to explain that she’s been craving that full skin-to-skin contact. The desire, the need to feel every inch of Juliana’s body on her own is more intense than even Valentina herself understands. 

Try as she might, she’s not able to keep her voice from cracking when she speaks again. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? How much I want you? All of you?”

An adorable flush creeps up Juliana’s chest and she bites her lip. Valentina is slow and careful when she finally lowers onto the bed and slides on top of Juliana, gliding her hands up the girl’s thighs and stomach as she does so. She revels in the feeling of her smooth skin against her fingers, and they stare at each other with a quiet sort of awe. 

“I’ve never felt this way before.” Juliana softly confesses.

Valentina traces a finger across Juliana’s lips as she whispers, “Tell me what you feel, Juls.”

Juliana shudders, her body responding to even so slight a touch from her.

“Excited,” she whispers, gazing up at Valentina, her expression unguarded. Her dark eyes drop to Valentina’s parted lips, and then back up, slowly roaming her face, like she’s memorizing this moment and she doesn’t want to miss a single detail. “Nervous. Desperate. Frightened.” 

She lifts her hand to sweep some of the hair off Valentina’s temple and the intimacy of the gesture, the way Juliana blinks at her slowly, has Valentina swallowing against a dry lump in her throat. 

“I’ve been numb inside for so long. With you, I feel so-“ Juliana cuts herself off, shakes her head and a soft smile curls her beautiful lips. Her eyes are so clear and pretty that it forces a gulp in Valentina’s throat. “You make me want to be.. a part of you somehow.” 

“I want that that, too. I-” The rest of her words actually get stuck in Valentina’s throat and she wants Juliana to know that she feels lucky and honored and that the things inside her are bigger and realer than anything else she’s ever felt. So, she leans down and kisses her with everything she can’t say, hoping her to understand.

“Val,” Juliana whispers against her lips, her hand reaching up and clutching Valentina’s shoulder. “Please.”

“Tell me what you want..”

“Anything.. Everything..” The ragged edge to Juliana’s voice draws Valentina’s eyes up. What she sees stops her heart, starts it again in a rush. There’s an almost desperate expression hidden in her eyes, her pupils enormous and so, so dark, that Valentina feels the trickle of perspiration down the center of her back. “I just want to feel you.”

And when Juliana pulls her down to press their foreheads together, it’s almost as much as Valentina can take. They take it in turns glancing at each other’s mouths and it’s like the last few minutes never happened because she still feels nervous when Juliana nudges their noses together. Her breath still catches when brown eyes search hers as she leans in.

It’s nearly impossible to breathe, but Valentina welcomes it. She welcomes the way her heart seems to beat faster with every slide of Juliana’s tongue against her own. She yearns for all of Juliana in a way she’s never yearned for anyone before. 

She pulls back far enough to drag in a shaky breath and places her hand on Juliana’s waist, feeling the girl shudder at the touch. She forces her eyes open and stares down at the girl beneath her, causing another wave of heat to rage through her. She’s struggling to take it all in, paralyzed by indecision over what she wants to touch and taste first. 

She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and brushes her hair out of the way as she leans over Juliana, weight propped on one arm. Her other hand is free to roam, palm flat and fingers splayed, as she follows the contours of Juliana’s hip, her waist and the slope of her ribs, coaxing sighs from Juliana. Her skin feels incredible under Valentina’s hands, as soft and smooth as satin, and she wants more.

Her gaze traces every inch, her eyes always open, absorbing. Her hand trembles as she gently cups Juliana’s breast and drags her thumb around the erect nipple. Juliana whimpers and the sound, quiet and sweet, makes shivers run down Valentina’s spine. She drops down to her elbow so she can capture its twin between her lips and Juliana arches into the touch. She feels like a live wire, sparkling at every point where their bare skin is touching. 

She shifts her hand down Juliana’s stomach, feeling her muscles jump and quake beneath her touch and scratches her nails up and down shapely thighs that Valentina parts gently. She releases Juliana’s nipple and moves up to kiss her, feeling the girl’s bottom lip quiver between her own.

She runs her free hand down the side of Juliana’s face, palm fitting against the curve of her jaw as she angles for deeper contact. It’s a languid, thorough exploration and by the time Valentina pulls away they’re both left breathless by it. 

Juliana slides her hands up the length of Valentina’s sides and pulls her down, pulls her closer, and when Valentina’s lean thigh slips between Juliana’s legs and gently presses in, Juliana gasps and digs her nails into her back. 

Valentina’s breath slams from her lungs and she dips her head down, leaning her forehead against Juliana’s shoulder. Because she can feel Juliana’s underwear warm and damp and sticky against her thigh, and she isn’t prepared for the way it makes her feel. 

“God,” she breathes out, feeling her cheeks flush and her heart hammer. “Juls.”

She’s slammed with so many feelings at once, and she grasps at the other girl’s hip to ground herself. She didn’t anticipate this at all. She didn’t anticipate how much she would enjoy Juliana. She suspected; ever since that kiss in the ocean, but she never actually anticipated being this hungry for her touch. That hunger, the one she sees reflected in Juliana’s eyes, Valentina’s entire being is buzzing with it. Nothing in her previous sexual experience has prepared her for this. She never really enjoyed sex. In her mind sex fell to the category of “her boyfriend’s needs” and she passively complied. 

But this is a whole other deal. This is- it’s all familiar yet completely different at the same time. The body underneath her is softer. Lips are softer and fuller than what she’s used to. Hands gliding over her skin aren’t as rough. Fingers are light and slender, and the touch is almost feather-like. It’s exhilarating. 

And for the first time, she’s actually suffocating with her need to be touched, and to touch in return. She wants to learn Juliana in and out. Wants to be the only person in the world who can make her feel this good. She doesn’t understand at all how she managed to survive all the years without Juliana’s body against her own.

Valentina licks her lips and curls her fingers around the waistband of Juliana’s underwear, searching her face for approval. Juliana nods and lifts her hips a little in response, her breath leaving her lips on a shaky sigh. Valentina smiles and gently slides the material down Juliana’s slender legs, maintaining her slow pace and looking into brown eyes, wide and earnest. Her nostrils flare, and she can smell Juliana, musky and ready. With each new inch of bare flesh revealed, Valentina can feel her muscles tightening, her nerves igniting, her body throbbing. 

She throws the garment next to the bed and takes a moment to control her nerves. Juliana is completely open for her, trembling in anticipation, and Valentina’s fingers itch to touch her. Juliana is gazing up at her with eager anticipation, and Valentina feels a shiver run down her spine.

She holds Juliana’s gaze and runs her hands up naked thighs before crawling up the length of Juliana’s body and settling on top of her. She braces herself with one hand on the bed and uses the other to push at her own underwear, not wanting Juliana to feel alone in her nakedness. She sheds her thong, smiling apologetically at Juliana’s pout when she has to sit on her heels to do so.

But, before Juliana has a chance to voice her displeasure, Valentina settles back of top of her, and Juliana’s small whimper is her reward. Valentina marvels, with sudden incredulity, at her body’s immediate response. God, it’s just a sound. But it’s not. It’s Juliana, she blinks with awe. That’s what she’s doing to her, and Valentina doesn’t want to stop. 

She props herself on one elbow, moving off Juliana just enough to give herself some room before her mouth descents over Juliana’s chest. She drops kisses along Juliana’s collarbones, across the swells of her breasts, traces her tongue around one pebbled nipple, before taking the tip into her mouth. She laps at the hard nub, keeps the suction light. The shaky moan Juliana releases, the way her hips push forward, fills Valentina with secret pride. 

“Val,” Juliana whispers on a rough exhalation, back bowing, and she pulls Valentina impossibly closer, as if by instinct. 

Valentina turns her attention to the other breast, sucking at the peak until it stands as stiff and reddened as its twin. By now Juliana’s breath is coming in short, harsh puffs, and her hips are squirming against the sheets. She trails more kisses across every inch of Juliana’s chest within reach, before her lips travel to Juliana’s throat and she licks a wet stripe up to the corner of Juliana’s jaw. 

Juliana welcomes her with a soft kiss as Valentina hovers above her again, her left hand finding Juliana’s right and lacing their fingers together near Juliana’s head. There is a spark running between them everywhere they touch, skin on skin. Their touches are timid but eager, needy and wanting but still slow and respectful, and everything is an exploration. 

They break apart only to draw in a shared, ragged breath, foreheads bumping gently. Dark eyes scan her face. A thumb and index finger frame her jaw, preventing Valentina from looking away. She feels more exposed now than she did standing naked in front of Juliana. Juliana’s lips part, as if she’s going to say something. 

The moment stretches until Juliana’s gaze dips, fastening on Valentina’s swollen lips once more. They gravitate to each other and meet in a breathy kiss, the full length of their bare bodies now rubbing together, and Valentina has to stop herself from pushing down, seeking pressure to soothe the throb between her legs. 

She’s torn between fast and slow. She wants to savor it, but God, Juliana is writhing beneath her and making it impossible to resist her longing. Juliana is biting her lower lip and clutching at the cotton sheets and it’s the most beautiful sight Valentina’s ever laid her eyes on. She’s sure of one thing, she wants to drown in her tonight. No more holding back.

It’s almost scary how alike they seem to think in this moment, with Juliana’s thigh moving between Valentina’s legs, gently pressing into her. Both moan at the contact and it all feels surreal and right and a lot and Valentina never wants it to stop. 

Juliana’s hands migrate south, skirting down the expanse of Valentina’s back to curve around her ass, grasping, urging Valentina tighter against her. The extra frictions causes another gush of wetness from deeper within her and Valentina’s eyes clench shut at the feeling, little white dots dancing behind her eyelids. She’s unprepared for the slide of her center against Juliana’s skin, for how soaked she is. Juliana hums in appreciation and the stimulation is like nothing Valentina’s ever felt. 

She freezes for a moment, overwhelmed by the feeling of Juliana’s burning skin against her most private parts, before she slowly starts to move her hips, back and forth, and Juliana whimpers in response. She opens her eyes, and the way Juliana’s staring at her, brown eyes wide with lust and wonder, has Valentina soaring higher with every roll of her hips.

“Juls,” she whispers, “Juls.”

She’s panting now, struggling to keep her eyes open as her hips roll, as she rubs herself shamelessly on Juliana’s thigh. They don’t look away from one another and that connection, the heavy eye contact, makes her almost as flushed as the sounds of her slip-sliding against smooth skin. 

It isn’t long before the effort of holding herself up has Valentina’s biceps trembling. Valentina wasn’t sure she could come like this, but she’s getting there and fast. She feels the pressure growing, tightening, in the pit of her stomach, a surge of heat sweeping across her skin.

Has it even been a full minute? It doesn’t seem like it. She didn’t even know it was possible to come this soon and she wants to welcome the feeling, but at the same time she wants to prologue it as long as she can. She forces herself to pull away when the kiss deepens, because she knows that if she doesn’t, she’ll never be able to stop.

It takes all of her willpower for Valentina to disentangle herself. She leans back to put some necessary distance between them and closes her eyes to collect herself. Because she can’t think straight, can’t get enough air into her lungs when Juliana’s lying so close and looking at her like that: so blazing hot it raises the temperature of the room by a few degrees. 

She sighs when a trembling hand cups her cheek, warm fingers brushing her skin. “Are you okay?’’

Valentina opens her eyes to find brown ones searching hers, glittering with uncertainty and something akin to fear. She sucks in a breath and mentally scolds herself for making Juliana feel that way. She suddenly wants her to feel how needed she is. Loved. Juliana needs to know how much she craves her. 

“Yeah, I’m more than okay,” she quickly reassures, and lifts her hand to cover Juliana’s on her cheek.

She leans in to capture Juliana’s lips in a soft kiss and runs her free hand gently down the girl’s side. She wants to Juliana more than she’s wanted anything in her life; she wants to touch her because she’s sure it’s the only way she’ll be able to breathe properly again. 

“Juls… Can I touch you?” 

Juliana nods and shifts her legs slightly apart, sucking in a shaky breath. A pretty blush creeps up her already flushed cheeks and her lips tremble in an almost shy smile. Valentina repositions herself on top off the girl and searches Juliana’s eyes once more, her heart pounding with the adrenaline she feels. 

Her fingers tremble slightly as she grazes them down the outside of Juliana’s thigh, back up the inside, and Juliana’s breathing pitches up when Valentina flattens her palm, pushing gently at Juliana’s inner thigh to encourage her to open wider. Juliana does it without thinking, without resistance, gripping the sheets in tight fists, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth.

Valentina brushes her hair over her shoulder and smiles at Juliana reassuringly. “If you’re not enjoying it, just tell me and we’ll stop, okay?”

She waits until Juliana nods, and only then she allows her gaze to travel down the expanse of the girl’s body, lingering on the twitch of abdominal muscles, the perspiration that dots flushed skin, the rapid rise and fall of her chest. Juliana’s watching her, too, dark lashes fluttering against the tops of her cheeks. 

They watch each other through heavy-lidded eyes for a suspended moment before Valentina slowly guides her hand between their bodies. Her fingers stroke over Juliana’s quivering stomach, an attempt to soothe her nerves. She hovers there for a second until Juliana’s lips part, soundlessly forming the shape of her name, and Valentina takes that as her cue.

She swallows her nerves and manages to slip her trembling hand between Juliana’s legs, softly massaging her inner thigh, climbing upwards, fingers dipping into slick, wet heat. She whispers an awed ‘oh God’ right as Juliana lets out a sweet, soft moan at having Valentina’s fingers finally exploring her. 

She leaves her hand there for a few seconds, testing how incredible it feels, before she gathers enough courage to explore. Juliana shudders and lets out the softest, prettiest sigh. It causes a smile to break out across Valentina’s face and she bites her bottom lip. 

She takes her time spreading Juliana’s lips, marveling the way they seem to suck on her fingertips. She’s so warm, and so wet, and Valentina’s feels dizzy, drunk with desire, with the heated musky scent of arousal that reaches her nostrils. Juliana smells the same way she looks. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. 

“Juls..” she manages in a rasp, her eyes wide open in absolute wonder and amazement. She watches her hand move between Juliana’s legs and feels a gush of wetness between her own thighs in response. “God, you’re so… you’re so responsive to me.. so wet..”

She gently glides her fingers through the girl’s soaked folds and Juliana whimpers. It’s soft and vulnerable, and the way Juliana looks at her, eyes wide open and trusting, makes Valentina’s heart clench. She carefully gauges every tiny reaction Juliana has to her touch and she revels in her own confidence and desire she doesn’t have to suppress and hold back anymore. 

Juliana threads her fingers into Valentina’s hair to guide her back to her mouth. She kisses Valentina slow and deep, her hands shaking as she tries to pull Valentina closer. Her hips cant upwards, making Valentina’s fingers glide more firmly against her, and they both expel a ragged breath.

Valentina has no idea what she’s doing but she’s running with it. If the way Juliana’s rocking up into her already is any indication, it’s working. She continues to slide her fingers through Juliana’s folds, gathering her wetness, before she gently brushes over the small, straining bundle of nerves at the top of her slit and feels Juliana’s entire body jump in response. It forces Juliana to break the kiss and she expels a ragged breath against Valentina’s lips, burying her face in the crook of Valentina’s neck.

“Sorry,” she mumbles into her neck, clearly embarrassed.

Valentina pushes a sweaty strand of hair from Juliana’s face and places her other hand against Juliana’s inner thigh, drawing soft soothing circles on her skin. “Don’t be.” 

She waits until Juliana’s eyes find hers again before she continues. “I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t want you to hold back.. Just let yourself be loved, Juls.”

Juliana blinks up at her and she looks so vulnerable right now, that Valentina’s heart clenches in her chest. She nods her head, but there’s something in her expression that halts Valentina. A wave of worry crashes over her and, for a moment, she feels inexplicably scared. 

What if she’s not ready to take things further than they already have? What if she’s not enjoying herself as much as Valentina is? Did she push too far, too soon? She thinks she knows how Juliana feels, but she’s also really, really scared that she doesn’t and she’s got at all wrong. 

“You’re okay, right?” she whispers timidly, and she doesn’t know what she’ll do if Juliana gives her a negative answer. 

Juliana nods, but the panic in her eyes only furthers Valentina’s fears. “Hey,” she whispers, tucking Juliana’s hair behind her ear. “It’s okay. We don’t have to-”

Juliana shakes her head, but her eyes lack conviction.

“Juls.. Tell me to stop, and I will. Do you want to stop? It’s not too late. Say the word and, um-“ Valentina falters slightly when she sees that Juliana’s stare is rooted upon her mouth. “We don’t have to go any further. You can tell me to stop or slow down if you’re uncomfortable. It’s okay to say no.” 

She’s rambling now, she’s aware of that, but it turns out it’s difficult to make sense when you’re nervous and terrified and almost painfully wet. “You have no idea how much I want you, but I want you to want it too. I want you to be sure about this.”

Brown eyes search hers, wide and dark. Valentina holds her breath, waiting for her reply. 

It comes after a small pause. “I know that.” Juliana presses forward to plant a soft, reassuring kiss on Valentina’s mouth. “But I want to. I want this. I want you.”

Valentina feels her muscles slump in relief and her mouth wobbles into a smile. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah..” Juliana exhales, tipping her forehead to rest against Valentina’s. She closes her eyes briefly and when she opens them again, they’re an even darker, deeper brown. “I trust you and I want to experience this with you.”

Valentina clenches her jaw, eyelids fluttering, as Juliana’s words wash over her. She didn’t know- wasn’t nearly aware- of how much she needed to hear them until they leave Juliana’s lips. 

“Okay..” she breathes out, nuzzling Juliana’s nose with her own. Juliana’s face is flushed and she looks so beautiful that Valentina’s heart trembles just looking at her.

She inhales a shaky breath and slowly guides her hand between the other girl’s thighs again, keeping her gaze in an intense stare. Juliana’s arms wound around her back and her fingers dig into Valentina’s skin when she slowly slides her middle finger up and down Juliana’s slit before circling her entrance one, twice. 

Juliana shudders beneath her and sighs against her lips, now just inches apart. Valentina closes her eyes and focusses on her movements, allowing herself to just feel. She slides her finger through Juliana’s silky wetness once more, before returning to her entrance. She dips in carefully, just the tip of her finger, testing her sensitivity, and feels Juliana’s muscles clench around her. Juliana moans softly at the gentle intrusion, and Valentina thinks she might actually faint. She bites her lip and tries to ignore the sudden sting in her eyes, the lump in her throat, the swelling emotion in her heart. 

“Is this okay?” she breathes out, swallowing.

Nodding, Juliana slowly opens her eyes again. It makes Valentina breathless, how incredibly dark they are. “Yes. It’s… Yes.” She watches as Juliana blinks rapidly, and the low rasp of the girl’s voice makes Valentina’s skin prickle with heat. “Please, don’t stop.”

Valentina obliges and kisses her again, gasping when Juliana rolls her hips into her. She pants against Valentina’s lips and squeezes her thighs tightly around Valentina’s hand, traps her there, and Valentina knows she needs more. 

She slips out of her again and then in again, out and in, pushing deeper with every press inside, until she is buried to the knuckle, and she’s pretty sure her heart stops. Juliana’s eyes fly open, shocked and pleading, and Valentina hopes her gaze is able to convey everything coiled inside her chest. She marvels at feel, she’s so soft and silky, so warm and absolutely intoxicating, and Valentina almost comes undone at the feel of Juliana around her.

She keeps her eyes locked with Juliana’s as she slowly starts to move her hand. It’s an easy, smooth glide in and out, accompanied by the soft of slick noises that make Valentina tingly and hot all over. Sweet breaks out on her lower back, her chest, the nape of her neck, and Juliana’s spreading her thighs wider, rocking her hips up to meet the pump of Valentina’s hand. 

“Fuck, Juls..” falls from her lips before she can stop herself. 

This is by far the most incredible experience she’s had, and it has Valentina flying high. She doesn’t really know what she is doing. It’s purely on instinct, and Valentina marvels at how she just acts. Impulsively. All because of this stunning girl underneath her. Juliana is changing her and she loves every single thing about it. Juliana’s all breathy moans and sighs and intense stares, and Valentina loves everything she’s willing to give. 

Juliana gasps against her lips just before they meet in a slow kiss, and the hot puff of air makes Valentina shudder. Valentina feels drunk, out of her body. Hazy, with only one objective clear in her mind. Feel as much of Juliana as possible. Juliana’s hot and melting underneath her, pawning at her shoulders and pressing against her, trying to get impossibly close. 

When she pulls out this time, she adds a second finger and slowly works her way back inside. Juliana’s left leg wraps around Valentina’s waist, pulling her closer, and the simple gesture is enough to drive her crazy. More than she already was. She loves the way Juliana feels against her. Loves the way she throbs around her, all molten heat. Valentina aches with how much she wants to make Juliana come.

Their mouths hover close but not quite touching, sharing the same humid air as Juliana rolls her hips forward a little faster, breath coming in short, sharp puffs now. Her nails scratch restlessly against the nape of Valentina’s neck.

Valentina shifts a little so her pelvis pushes against her hand to add some extra pressure, and Juliana’s practically mewling as the maneuver drives Valentina’s long fingers deeper inside her. Valentina groans as Juliana squeezes around her fingers, pulsing rhythmically. Not coming yet, but very, very close to it, she thinks. She’s eager to witness that and she notes the way Juliana’s eyes widen even more as she hits the spot just right.

Her head tips back as her hips start to judder, as Valentina works over her clit and crooks the two fingers inside her with more pressure and precision. “Oh, God, Val..”

There’s a weird kind of satisfaction deep in Valentina’s bones at hearing Juliana this choked up. This affected. She’s made her like this. She’s affected by her. God, they’re actually doing this. They’re actually having sex. 

She leans on her elbow and watches Juliana’s face as she works between her legs, watches the way Juliana’s head tilts back, presses hard into the cushion. The pebbled peaks of her nipples push upward in arousal, and the valley between her breasts glistens with a sheen of sweat in the room’s low lights. The muscles of her neck are strained in the stretch, making beautiful defined lines that Valentina softly kisses. 

Juliana’s hips arch up with each trust of Valentina’s fingers, pushing up to meet her in equal effort, and the defined muscles adorning every inch of her ripple with every wave. Valentina watches, breathless, as Juliana’s hips buck even faster into her hand, a beautiful pink flush spreading over her bouncing chest. The tiny furrow between Juliana’s eyebrows, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, her face a picture of pure concentration. She’s beautiful, so beautiful, and Valentina wants to watch her fall apart.

She mouths at Juliana’s chin, her jaw, sucking down the side of her throat while she works slow circles around the girl’s clit, never ceasing the steady hump of her fingers. She curls her fingers deeper, stroking fast and hard, and Juliana very nearly shatters. She feels on the verge of passing out herself. 

The louder Juliana gets, the more she clings to her, the harder it is for Valentina to resist the molten heat between her own legs. And when the feeling becomes unbearable, she straddles Juliana’s toned thigh again, sighing at the contact. Juliana is right there with her, whimpering at the wetness against her skin. 

It’s almost too much and Valentina’s afraid she won’t be able to handle it. Juliana moves with no precision at all. Uncontrollable, yet so smooth. She’s losing it as much as Valentina is. 

“Juls..” she whispers and Juliana shudders, pulsing around her fingers. “You feel so good.”

Juliana slides her hands up Valentina’s biceps and tangles them in her hair, tugging Valentina forward gently, but insistently. Their lips meet again in a breathy, almost sloppy kiss. Valentina’s in sensory overload, surrounded by the scent of sex, the slick, scorching press of so much skin. 

Her thrusts grow faster and the sounds they both are making grow louder. Juliana’s thigh is pressing up against her center and she’s consumed by the feeling, torn between wanting to come and wishing it to never end. She thumbs at Juliana’s clit, and Juliana chokes into her mouth, letting out a sharp moan. 

“God, Val, I can’t-“ Juliana breaks off on a moan, screwing her eyes shut, back arching off the mattress again. 

She searches for Valentina’s hand, laces their fingers together tightly, and Valentina feels every shake, every judder that works its way through Juliana’s body, from every point that they’re touching. 

Juliana’s close.

She feels it in the tensing of inner muscles, bunching tight around her fingers, the quake of Juliana’s thighs, how her hips speed toward release. It’s glorious, watching Juliana fall apart like this. The bow of her back, the heave of her chest. Just Juliana looking at her, desperate to come. Just Valentina holding her, desperate for this moment to never end. 

It takes Valentina’s thumb back on Juliana’s clit, drawing uneven shaky circles, and her tongue back in Juliana’s mouth, and Juliana arches her back off the mattress, tearing her lips away from Valentina’s and opening her mouth in a silent scream as she freezes for a few glorious seconds before breaking. 

Valentina’s mesmerized as she watches Juliana freeze up. Her body is one taut string; the tendons in her neck are so tense Valentina’s half-afraid they’ll tear. But it’s so, so beautiful. She feels Juliana start to pulsate uncontrollably before she hears her let out an almost primal moan, and she feels a gush of wetness cover her palm. 

Valentina looks on in awe. Everything about Juliana in the throes of orgasm is amazing. Juliana slumps back against the cushions, forearm covering her eyes as she tries to catch her breath. Her legs start to tremble and she bucks against Valentina, writhing and gasping for air. Nails scratch helplessly at her shoulder and Valentina nuzzles the hollow of Juliana’s neck, and she firmly presses on her clit as it pulses, knowing it’ll prolong Juliana’s orgasm. 

Ripples remain, sending shockwaves through the other girl’s body, for long, breathless moments after, and Juliana holds onto Valentina like she is an anchor in a storm. She doesn’t know how long they stay like this; she’s lost touch of reality, but she’s hyperaware of Juliana’s body underneath her. She didn’t come, and yet she feels boneless and spent.


End file.
